Thursday, August 18, 2011

Steve Spurrier and South Carolina Get in the Ring With Snake Stabler

Well, kind of.  Spurrier, via the university, has released a wine label called Spurrier Vineyards, as well as a special edition wine.  Gamecock Garnet will be sold only within the state of South Carolina, and the proceeds will benefit the Steve Spurrier Foundation and the university's golf programs.  And, yes, I agree, listing both beneficiaries is a little redundant since the two are the same thing.

You may recall Snake Stabler releasing his wine label, 12, in the spring, encouraging buyers to "celebrate your success."   So which one of these former SEC quarterbacks has released the superior product?  Or, since I've tasted neither, who spent more time on their product?  I think we probably already know the answer to this.


Who Hired An Art Director
Snake's label does its best to shake the stink of Foley and his DUI arrests off the product by using a black and white photo of a pleased and reflective Snake, showing off a championship ring and the wine. While a tad dramatic for a $12 bottle of wine, it appears some thought went into the process.

As for Spurrier's label, I think the creative process went something like this:

"Hey, Coach, wanted to get a picture of you for the wine label."

"The what?"
(stops swinging pitching wedge in mid-swing)

"The wine label, you know, Spurrier Vineyards. We're selling it for the golf team and your foundation."

"Oh, right.  That wine stuff.  Yeah, I'm kinda busy right now.  Trying to figure out what I'm doing with my wrists here."

"Coach, this will only take a second."

"Hey, while you're standing there, watch my wrists here.  I think they're breaking a little too early."
"See what I mean.  It feels too early."

"Uh, right.  Anyway, gotta run, Coach.  Thanks."

"You bet."

Student worker returns to computer lab.

"Did you get the shot?"

"No, he was working on his swing."

"Oh, man.  Yeah, no chance you were going to get that."

"Maybe we can just Google an image of him."

"Good idea.  Let's try not to get one of him looking angry or disappointed."

"Might take a while."


Wine Label Name
Snake chose to use his number from his days at Alabama and in the NFL, which is a simple way to remind people of his past achievements without saying specifically look what Snake Stabler did. Spurrier chose a different path, a path that probably went something like this:

"Coach, where are you? We're supposed to be going over some wine names?"

"The what?"

"Wine names, you know, for the golf team and your foundation."

"Right, the wine stuff. Yeah, I don't know about...hey, one second...I'll have to call you back. We're making the turn and I need to get a snack."

"Coach, we need to talk names."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. Just say something like 'Vineyard' and, oh, I don't know...what about my name? I think that works. Vineyard Spurrier. Kinda like that."

"What about Spurrier Vineyards?"



Let's put it this way, do you want to drink a wine from a guy who doesn't drink or a guy who has been boozing since he learned that if he used both tiny hands he could steadily hold a bottle?


So there you have it, by a final score of 3-0, Snake Stabler defeats Steve Spurrier in a battle of wine labels. We know how Snake will be celebrating his success, but someone with the South Carolina athletic department should call Spurrier on the back nine and let him know of his loss.

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