Thursday, August 04, 2011

Hey, Look, Oklahoma Is Where It Doesn't Belong Again

Earlier today, if you were out on the interwebs looking for anything pertaining to college football, you probably saw the release of the USA Today's coaches poll, which placed Oklahoma at the top.  The Sooners are fresh off yet another campaign in which they lost games to teams they should not have lost to (Missouri and Texas A&M) on their way to yet another BCS game (but, hey, they finally won one!  Suck it, UConn!).  It's nothing new to see Oklahoma ranked so high in the preseason , in fact, since the Sooners won their national championship in the 2000 season, they've been ranked in this poll's top eight for 11 straight preseasons.

Of course, in only one of those seasons have they managed to improve their regular season ranking compared to their preseason ranking (2010).  For your viewing pleasure, here's where Oklahoma has been preseason ranked and where they finished that season since 2001:

(P) = preseason
(F) = final ranking

8 (P), 6 (F)

3 (P), 29 (F)

4 (P), 5 (F)

8 (P), 8 (F)

5 (P), 11 (F)

5 (P), 22 (F)

2 (P), 3 (F)

1 (P), 3 (F)

3 (P), 5 (F)

3 (P), 6 (F)

Average Rank
4.2 (P), 9.8 (F)

This is not to say Oklahoma is a bad team.  They're always a pretty good team with some great individual players, but a team that benefits from reputation, a consistently weak schedule, and lazy voters (not to leave the writers out, so their average AP rankings:  4.3 (P), 9.5 (F); also, they're not alone in reputation rankings this year, or any other year, as Texas and Georgia are ranked, despite a combined 11-14 2010 record, plus no bowl and a 10-6 loss to Central Florida in a bowl).

But, since they're perennially overrated, we need to acknowledge the eight things, based on the 9.8 average final ranking, that are always better than Oklahoma, yet never given the respect they deserve.  In no particular order, only because I'm not sure how official these rankings are:

Les Miles
Not LSU, though I'm willing to bet they've been more successful and less bed-shitting prone than Oklahoma, but Les Miles the man. From the hat to the grass-eating to the world void of order and laws in which he lives, this man exhales top eight greatness. Even if he is the luckiest bastard who has ever coached major college football.

Mario Kart for Nintendo 64
Ever not have the best time of your life playing the four-player racing mode on this game? I DIDN'T THINK SO. Outside of playing Goldeneye (another fantastic mult-player game) for N 64, I don't think I've dedicated more hours to anything else other than the hours I put into this game (maybe sleeping, but even that's debatable). Oh, how I miss the surges of rage, profanity spewed, and the taunting finger of victory created by this game.

Guns N' Roses
My life will always be a tad bit empty because I never saw this live:

Snickers Ice Cream Bars
Easily falls into the category of foods I could eat until I vomited, then keep eating. A friend of mine in college had a bookie named Snickers (gambling-related people do have the best names), and whenever I'd hear him say "Snickers" on the phone, this is what I thought of.

"Kickoff" from Ole Miss Rebels on Vimeo.

Top Ten Happiest Moment in My Life
Not the commercial, but Deuce's return for a touchdown.  I was in the student section on the side of the field where he was running, and can still clearly see him running to us near the end zone.  The game kicked off at 7:00 and was over at 7:01.  Luckily, David Cutcliffe took advantage of that 38-16 ass-beating of Arkansas and lost the next two games to Georgia and Mississippi State to finish 7-4 with one of the most talented teams in school history.

/will never not hate David Cutcliffe

Three Photos of McConaughey Being McConaughey at Texas Events
You've seen Sahara, right? No explanation needed.

Laser-Guided Bombs
Nothing gets you quite jacked up like watching one of these things plow into a building or tank.  TASTE THAT RAW AMERICAN POWER, TERRORIST ASSHOLE!  Well, assuming we targeted the right thing and there was little to no collateral damage to those who also hated the terrorist asshole, not because he was a terrorist, but because he was a terrible neighbor.  Ugh, terrible neighbors are the worst.

Oklahoma Led by Coach Taylor
If Coach is in charge of the Oklahoma Sooners, they for damn sure aren't 2-5 in BCS games since 2001.


  1. And #2 is the reason explains why you and Kurt C. get along so well.

  2. I was at that Ole Miss - Arkansas game and will never forget:

    a. That kickoff return and the kick to the gut feeling when we lost the game as soon as it started. Thank you Houston Nutt.

    b. Dodging ice, cups, and even a thermos that were hurled at us from the student section. Nice move putting the visitor section in close proximity to the student section. Thank you Ole Miss Athletics Department.

    c. Watching a belligerent Ole Miss student get thrown down the stadium steps when he came over to taunt the Arkansas section. I guess placing the students next to the visitors was bad for both parties.

  3. I went to high school with the guy who got thrown down the steps (not sure if he finished with us or not). What got him thrown down the steps was taunting a rather hefty Arkansas fan with a Pronto Pup. As he was waving the fried, foot-long bit of deliciousness around, another fan ran down, grabbed him, and threw him down the portal.

    Everything about this was awesome. Though, I think the guy who threw him down the steps got arrested or kicked out, which shouldn't have happened because the taunter deserved to get thrown down the steps.

  4. I believe the guy that threw him down the portal was former Razorback Al Heringer. He was known for being quite a hot-head.