Monday, August 29, 2011

Five Days

For #5 Auburn, we go with a subdued, less sex, drugs, and rock n' roll version of Final Countdown, as Gene Chizik has no tolerance for the devil's music. After all, if God-things are to keep taking place at Auburn football games, electric guitars and stage moves cannot be present.

Peter Venkman
Although I generally dislike the Plainsmen in all categories, you have to admit there’s something unique and kinda cool about the pregame routine where Auburn’s eagle, Spirit, flies around Jordan-Hare with reckless abandon before landing on the arm of The Falconer.  It is, however, regrettable that the eagle has never gotten in a MacGruber-style throat rip on her way down to the field. (Still searching for a third Will Forte character reference).

Cameron Poe
God is an Auburn fan. How do I know that? Gene Chizik told me. It was a shock to me because I don't remember Auburn University being mentioned in the Bible, but after last season, I believe him.

I would advise only going to Auburn for the game because the bars and nightlife suck, which isn't surprising as most Auburn fans are good, clean living people. The pregame atmosphere at Auburn is very good. They have a good tailgating scene and the eagle flying into the stadium is worth seeing. So if you can come to grips with the fact that God doesn't cheer for your team, I would recommend at least one trip to the Loveliest Village on the Plains.

Of the remaining five schools, you really can't go wrong with a trip to each of those places. There are negatives to all of them, but for the most part, it's a trip worth making (unless it's 2001 at Auburn and your coach is David Cutcliffe and he spends an entire half keeping Eli Manning on a chain, resulting in a 21-0 deficit, then is forced to let the best player in school history start throwing, but it turns out to be too little too late, resulting in a 27-21 loss in which he also called for a punt block with a minute to go, instead of taking the ball near midfield with an on fire quarterback; you guessed it, the punter was roughed and the game was over).

Pro tip: It's probably not healthy to become incredibly angry at 9 in the morning over something that happened nearly 10 years ago.

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