On Sunday, the sweaty masses charged into Bryant-Denny Stadium to take part in Alabama's annual Fan Day, which offers those dedicated enough, and with absolutely nothing else to do, a chance to get the autographs of their favorite players and coaches while baking in the heat (personally, I'd run over small child after small child to get to the front of the Jim McElwain line so I could say thanks for throwing so much with Greg McElroy). Sensing an excellent opportunity for unintentional comedy gold, The Birmingham News was on hand to document the proceedings.
"ROLL TIDE! ROLL TIDE! ROLL TIDE! [Ric Flair noise]! [Ric Flair noise]! Hey, wait a minute. WHICH WAY TO COACH SABAN?"
"Hey! There he is! Over there, signing that man with a crooked back! Hurry, we've got to beat that other group of fans!"
Little known fact about college football, until 1956, the game was played with a wooden ball covered in lacquer.
After an offseason of intense workouts, things now come so easily for Trent Richardson that he can sleep AND sign autographs at the same time.
This young Alabama fan learns one of life's brutal truths: You will spend 60% of your life waiting in line behind a bunch of assholes.
"UGH. This line for Kirby Smart better be worth it."
Inner monologue of first guy: "Should have brought something to eat."
Inner monologue of second guy: "I am strangely delighted by the back of this guy's head."
Inner monologue of third guy: "DO I HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER DRINK?"
With how long this line is, you would think they were giving away free suits with every autograph. HEY-OOOOOO!!!