Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Player of Some Importance That Only Ole Miss Fans Know About Chooses to Stay at Ole Miss

Senquez Golson, true freshman cornerback for Ole Miss and 2011 eighth round draft pick of the Boston Red Sox, elected to turn down an alleged $1 million-plus signing bonus to continue playing football for the Rebels.  Why he chose to do such a thing, I have no idea.  Perhaps he is a more thoughtful individual than I, who would have immediately said yes right after the words "one million dollars" were spoken by the Red Sox (for the record, anyone with $1 million, I AM EASILY BOUGHT).  Or maybe he wasn't ready to give up football, Chevron chicken-on-a-stick, or Oxford for Lowell, Massachusetts.

Whatever his reasons, I shall sing praises of his name and write power ballads set to Irish folk music in his honor.  By returning to school, Golson gives Ole Miss a fourth cornerback option that is not one of these:

If you imagine them wearing Ole Miss jerseys, that's pretty much what the cornerback depth chart looks like after Golson.

I'm fully aware of the danger of relying heavily on a true freshman, especially multiple true freshmen, which Ole Miss will do this season, but when you're coming off a 4-8 season in which your defense surrendered a quarter of million points and yards, and you were a Kentucky bed-shitting away from going 0-8 in the conference, I say embrace, nay, INHALE the danger into your lungs until you feel its deep, deep burn.

This way, when everything catches on fire and it all burns to the ground, talented and now experienced players will be a strong selling point for the next coach, who is most certainly named Mike Leach.

/passes out from excitement at the mere thought of such joy


  1. What ever happened to "Get to know an SEC Football Player". I know that it requires more investigative work from you, but come on! We need to know who these guys are and the season is about to start!

  2. Robert10:17 AM

    I am beginning to think that Gray might be lazy.

  3. And we have a winner! Give yourself $20 for understanding how this jalopy machine operates.

  4. Anonymous10:14 PM

    Makes you wonder how much the black bears are paying......