Carefully ranked by three voters, former Jefferson Pilot color analyst Dave Rowe, former Ole Miss (and everyone else's) defensive coordinator Joe Lee Dunn, and the SEC replay official that's gonna screw your team, this poll marks those in the SEC who spent the last week living the good life of victory, non-suspension, and blind luck or superior talent.
1. Ted Roof
Joe Lee Dunn: "There was a time when I was embarrassed to call myself a defensive coordinator because of this man. But his plan of doing nothing and letting Garcia play South Carolina out of the game was genius. I don't know if he meant it or not, probably not, but it's his name attached to the door."
2. Barrett Trotter
Dave Rowe: "Barrett had some tough moments, but what a gamer!"
3. Tyler Wilson
Replay official: "Because I enjoy pain and suffering, I watched all 57 hits Texas A&M put on Wilson. That Bobby Petrino, he also enjoys pain and suffering from his quarterbacks."
4. Mark Richt
Dave Rowe: "What a coach! His back was against the wall and got a huge win at home against a FANTASTIC Mississippi State team!"
5. A.J. McCarron
Joe Lee Dunn: "If I opened a restaurant, I'd be sure to have a specialty dish called "The Game Manager."
6. Jarrett Lee
Dave Rowe: "If you have two quarterbacks who are going to play, what better manager of their playing time than Les Miles!"
7. Les Miles
Replay official: "I have dozens of DVDs of nothing but Miles' walking the sideline."
8. Randall Mackey
Dave Rowe: "The Rebels may have figured this thing out! Don't sleep on them the rest of the year!"
9. Tyler Bray
Dave Rowe: "What a gunslinger! Of course, not the true gunslinger, but still, a great gunslinger!"
10. Derek Dooley
Replay official: "Hard to believe he hasn't lost a game in the last minute based on replay. Let me go ahead and make a note of that."
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK* PICKS
Using whatever lines he can find, even those sites where degenerates are able to freely gamble on prop bets in the Pro Bowl, Gray tries to beat the spread.
Season: 22-20-1 (.523)
Mississippi State (-17.5) at UAB
Legion Field road trip! Watch out for chunks of falling stadium and people that charge you $10 to park in their yard so they can easily steal things out of your car, and make money doing it. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Last season, UAB was actually winning this game with about seven minutes to go before State kicked two field goals to win by five. While this bears no relevance on this season's game, I thought I'd mention it because I really have nothing to say here. UAB is a bad team. State can beat bad teams, especially ones without its quarterback, which UAB is, but State's offense has been awful for three straight games, making me question if they can stretch this thing out to at least 18 points.
I'll inject this struggling offense with some confidence they'll never know about and take them to cover.
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
Well, we know how bad Vegas thinks Kentucky is. South Carolina, with its rudderless offense, is spotted three touchdowns against them. While Spurrier is going to pound Kentucky with Marcus Lattimore, Connor Shaw will still have to make a few throws that he can't make, because if he could, we would have forgotten Stephen Garcia's name last spring.
As a result of further South Carolina offensive woes, this game should be a bloodbath of offensive failure, so it's only fitting that it's the JP game this week. So enjoy the smooth sounds of Dave Neal, Andre Ware's ability to add nothing, and the Ball Coach engaging in a series of 1,000-yard stares as he wonders where it all went wrong. Kentucky and the points.
Florida at LSU (-14)
I spent about an hour, well, that's a bit much, more like five minutes looking for a screencap of Jeff Driskel's face when the camera cut to him right after John Brantley was injured. It was the perfect, "I do not want to go in there" face. But, Driskel did go in and lived to tell the tale. Though not effective, but other than one pass neither was Brantley, he did live and can tell that story one day.
As a result, the fear inside Driskel has surely been somewhat subdued after last Saturday night. Unfortunately, the inexperience combined with facing yet another outstanding defense remains. No doubt LSU watched what Alabama did to take Chris Rainey and Jeff Demps out of the game, and will make that its top priority. And it will pound away on the Gators' defense, with maybe a few more passing plays because Les Miles like nothing to always be the same. I see a game much like last week's, Florida hangs around for a half, but can't keep it within 14. LSU to cover.
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
Auburn has faced three offenses that were organized and well-run in Utah State, Mississippi State, and Clemson (can't believe I just typed that word in a positive light). They surrendered 38, 34, and 38 points, plus 448, 531, and 634 yards of offense in those games. Arkansas offense is organized, well-run, and exceptionally more explosive than any of those.
Even if Auburn is able to move the ball and score, can their offense score 40 or 50 points?
/checks to see if Barrett Trotter is still at quarterback
/confirms that he is
No, they cannot. I am interested to see if Auburn plays backup quarterback Kyle Frazier more than they did last week, and, if they do, how much they let him throw. He showed great running ability at times, but never was allowed to throw, making him another version of Kodi Burns. Anyway, this game reeks of an Arkansas blowout and a confused Ted Roof.
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
If this was the JP game, I'd take Vanderbilt, but Alabama fans were granted a gift and given a 6 PM kickoff, allowing for some form of atmosphere. Alabama to cover.
Georgia (-1) at Tennessee
Just know that the winner of this game still has a decent chance to go to Atlanta. SEC East, you are terrible.
Surely, justice and law of averages will catch up with Tyler Bray and his belief that throwing the ball, as long as it's a really hard throw, without looking is a perfectly acceptable decision. Georgia, second in the conference in interceptions, could finally give us the four or five-INT game I've assumed was going to happen since I saw Bray play against Ole Miss last season. Though he torched Ole Miss, he had three or four passes that it our stone-hand defenders directly in their stones they called hands. If that group got in the way of passes, Tyler Bray's day of reckoning is coming.
Georgia to cover.
*You will NOT double your paycheck.
MAN AGAINST BEAST
Peter Vekman
Season: 33-21 (.733)
UAB
South Carolina
Florida
Arkansas
Alabama
Tennessee
Mr. Blue
Season: 27-17 (.613)
Mississippi State
Kentucky
LSU
Auburn
Vanderbilt
Tennessee
POE VERSUS LOW
Cameron Poe
Season: 36-8 (.818)
Before I commence with my picks, I would like to present Poe's Power Poll. This poll not only ranks the teams, but it also classifies teams into 6 performance categories ranging from excellent to shitty.
Excellent
1a. LSU
1b. Bama
Good
3. Arkansas
Above Average
N/A
Average
4. Auburn
5. Florida
6. Georgia
7. Tennessee
Mediocre
8. South Carolina
9. State
Shitty
10. Vandy
11. Ole Miss
12. Kentucky
Mississippi State at UAB
I have State penciled in as the SEC's representative at the BBVA Compass Bowl, so this game will be the first of State's two trips to Legion Field this season. Two trips deep into the Birmingham ghetto in one year. I live in Birmingham and don't even do that. (31-14 State)
Kentucky at South Carolina
This game was supposed to be a battle of Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure leaders until Stephen Garcia got his ass sent to the bench. I would say that Morgan Newton is now the favorite for this honor since two of his closest competitors are no longer allowed to throw passes. I hope that Garcia can find his way back on the field soon because it's always more fun when this competition goes down to the wire. (24-10 USC)
Florida at LSU
LSU will put Florida's teeth on the curb and then stomp on the back of Florida's head. This will not be pretty. (35-6 LSU)
Auburn at Arkansas
The Auburn defense will return to its pre-South Carolina form this week as Tyler Wilson will throw for over 400 yards. (42-24 Hogs)
Vanderbilt at Alabama
Dear Nick:
I love you. Thanks for being Alabama's coach.
Sincerely,
Cameron Poe
(35-6 Bama)
Georgia at Tennessee
This is a huge week for these teams as the winner will likely jump from the average classification to the above average classification in Poe's Power Poll. Georgia has more talent than the Vols, but the home field advantage and Dooley's orange pants will push the Vols over the top. (20-17 Vols)
Chris Low
Season: 35-9 (.795)
Mississippi State
South Carolina
Alabama
Georgia
Arkansas
LSU
KING OF THE RING
Mountain West Edition
Gray 27-5
Venkman 24-8
Poe 27-5
Everyone had the same picks this week, so in the interest of time for the four of you who make it this far, I condensed this section.
Boise State at Fresno State
Boise
Air Force at Notre Dame
Notre Dame
UNLV at Nevada
Nevada
Wyoming at Utah State
Utah State
TCU at San Diego State
TCU
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