Monday, October 03, 2011

Inside the Mind of Jeff Driskel

When Florida true freshman quarterback Jeff Driskel enrolled in school in January of this year, the plan was to serve as John Brantley's backup for one season, occasionally making a few garbage time appearances, then have a shot to become the starter in 2012.  He was anointed the backup because, while talented, he was the only other quarterback on the roster who fit the pro-style quarterback mold offensive coordinator Charlie Weis wanted.

That plan collapsed on Saturday night when Brantley was injured late in the second quarter.  Instead of cheering and enjoying the show, Driskel was called into duty against one of the best and most violent defenses in college football.  Here are the events of that night as they unfolded in his mind.

"Oh, hey, wow! It worked! Great throw, John! This is exactly the kind of start we needed."

"Way to go, Andre! Man, this is so much fun! We might actually win this thing!"

"Wow, Coach Muschamp is INTENSE. By my count, I think he has seven jugular veins."

"Uh oh. This isn't good. Get up, John. Please get up. Please, please, please please."


At halftime, Brantley is ruled out for the rest of the game. Driskel takes over as the quarterback in the third quarter.

"Okay, here we go. Be cool, be cool. Just like any other play in practice. Make your reads. Get the ball out."

"Oh boy. They're already here. That was astonishingly fast. Did we even block on this play? Am I even running the right play? Why can I see nothing but white jerseys? AM I ALL ALONE OUT HERE?"

"Oh, hey, wow, look at me go! I'm so free! Haha! This is actually kind of fun! WHO CAN CATCH ME NOW?"

"Oh, hell. They caught up fast. So this is how it all ends? My broken ribs piercing every major internal organ. I hope I remembered to tell everyone I loved them."

"The white light. It's so, so bright. And warm. Take me with you, white light."

"Hey, I'm alive! Great news! Your restrained abuse is greatly appreciated, sirs. I consider it a privilege to have gotten to know all of you so intimately.  Now, who has a kidney they don't need anymore?"


  1. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

  2. This is the funniest thing you've ever written.

  3. I agree with Kurt...I wish there were some kind of award that we could give away for this...

  4. I read it again just now and laughed harder than I did yesterday...

  5. Its funny cause its true!!!