Monday, October 31, 2011

From The Weekend That Was


Arkansas 31, Vanderbilt 28
If you're a Vanderbilt fan, you know how your season is gonna go. Of your eight conference games, you will get blown out in two or three, beat Ole Miss, and have four games you could or should win, but lose, and often in a horrible fashion like Saturday. After Arkansas ran the Zac Stacy fumble back 94 yards for a touchdown, turning what would have been a 35-20 game into a 28-28 game, any good Vanderbilt fan had to know it was over.

James Franklin has certainly turned Vandy into a much more competent group, but without a group of 25-30 solid SEC players (I think they're around 15-20), they're going to find ways to lose games like this. And let's also pull the emergency break on all this James Franklin coach of year talk. He's 1-4 in the league, with his lone victory coming against Ole Miss.  I think you'll find that Bobby Johnson produced similar results.

Georgia 24, Florida 20
In the process of trying to recruit the fastest team in America (WHICH IS THE MOST GENIUS IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD HOW DID NO ONE ELSE CONSIDER THIS), Urban Meyer forgot to recruit guys who can block, get open on pass routes, run between the tackles, and play quarterback. Quite a problem if you have to play offense, which, based on the rules of football, can be helpful to your efforts to win a game.

John Brantley is a quarterback with a ceiling of average (whatever they have behind him currently has a ceiling of war bunker). When you are limited at quarterback, (and he's further limited by wide receivers and pass protection), you best be able to generate some kind of a ground game or your offense becomes an offense that isn't really an offense, but a group that hopes the defense and special teams can give it a short field so they can run three plays and then let special teams kick a field goal.

And as bad as Florida's offense has been, on-field discipline has actually gotten worse than Florida's off-the-field discipline.  IMPOSSIBLE, you say?  In the last three games, the Gators have been flagged for 32 penalties and currently sit in last place in the conference in penalties with 75 in eight games (an average of just over nine a game; Auburn, who has played nine games, is the closest to Florida with 57 penalties).

For a guy who came from the Saban tree, which stresses discipline and error-free football while waiting for the other team to screw up, it's hard to believe something like this would characterize a Muschamp team.  But, thanks to his team's love of self-inflicted wounds, we get the privilege of seeing a grown man come a few blood pressure points away from having an Old Faithful-like geyser of blood shoot out of the top of his head.

Auburn 41, Ole Miss 23
Let's play a game. It's called guess which coaches know what the hell is going on and which ones don't. From Rick Cleveland's column on Sunday:
Both Ole Miss defensive coordinator Tyrone Nix and offensive coordinator David Lee said Auburn made no big changes.
And three paragraphs later, the Auburn version of events:
"At halftime, we made a lot of great adjustments, adjusting defensively to some of the run game that we needed to get under control that in the first half got away from us a little bit," Chizik said.

"Coach (Ted) Roof and the defensive staff did a really nice job with that," Chizik continued. "Offensively I felt like at that point we really kind of understood what their game plan was and really knew how to attack them in the second half both running and throwing the football."
If you guessed Ted Roof and company understand more about football than Ole Miss' bunch, congratulations, you are one of life's winners.

And, so now, the rest of you know what Ole Miss fans are dealing with this season. Coaches who can't recognize when the other team adjusts ("WHY ISN'T OUR STUFF WORKING ANYMORE? BETTER JUST STAY WITH WHAT WE WERE DOING. I'M SURE IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME."), then spend two quarters getting their asses handed to them.

Assuming no firings are done on the weekend, I'm treating November 28th like a national holiday. Probably take the day off, watch the press conference of Pete Boone and Houston Nutt being shown the door about 742 times, eat a disgustingly fattening lunch, take a four-hour nap, and say goodbye with some daytime fireworks.

Mississippi State 28, Kentucky 16
You know what, screw you, Mississippi State if you injured Morgan Newton enough that he can't keep competing for the Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure. How dare you spoil our fun.

South Carolina 14, Tennessee 3
If there's any good news to be had here for Tennessee, it's that true freshman Justin Worley is already on the same plane as senior Matt Simms, so there's at least a chance for some advancement to another plane. But for now, he and Matt Simms are the same person.

And if you were paying attention, though odds are you didn't watching this game, South Carolina put together a 20-play, 98-yard drive that lasted 11 minutes and 35 seconds. After the resulting touchdown, Spurrier high-fived an assistant, then vomited in a bucket, wiped his mouth, and said, "NEVER AGAIN."

Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches

Tyler Wilson, Arkansas
27-43, 316 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT

Wilson, per standard procedure this season, got the hell beat out of him, yet stayed alive and made some throws no other quarterback in the conference could make when they needed to be made.

Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play

Justin Worley, Tennessee
10-26, 105 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT

Not his fault he had to play when he wasn't ready, but the Eric Oliver of the Week award does not take into account sympathy.

Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him

Mark Richt
After some "find a way to lose" performances against Florida, Richt held everything together after going down 17-3 and came back to beat a team he should beat. How he prevented a complete collapse, we'll never know. But, if you really want to know, it's that he was playing Florida.

2011 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season

1. Stephen Garcia 9
1. Aaron Murray 9
3. Morgan Newton 7
4. Zack Stoudt 6
4. Barrett Trotter 6
4. Chris Relf 6
7. Larry Smith 5
7. Jordan Rodgers 5
9. Randall Mackey 4
10. Tyler Wilson 3
10. Tyler Russell 3
10. John Brantley 3
10. Matt Simms 3
10. A.J. McCarron 3
10. Connor Shaw 3

Week: 4-1
Season: 37-26-1 (.586)


Peter Venkman
Week: 3-2
Season: 46-19 (.708)

Mr. Blue
Week: 5-0
Season: 38-27 (.585)


Cameron Poe
Week: 3-2
Season: 54-11 (.831)

Chris Low
Week: 5-0
Season: 55-10 (.846)

Gray 44-7
Venkman 37-14
Poe 40-11

Ole Miss at Kentucky
The Anti-Game of the Century. Do you like two pieces of notebook paper colliding? Do you like watching everything go wrong all of the time? Do you hate your life? If so to all three, this game will bring rest and refreshment to your soul.

LSU at Alabama
Essentially, if you care about college football at all and don't watch this, you hate yourself, your life, and everything that is good and decent in this world. Arkansas and South Carolina fans have somewhat of an excuse, as their game, scheduled 45 minutes before this game, is kind of a big deal to each school. But everyone else? Your team stinks and so does the team they're playing.

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