Exploring the Space of Offensive Stink

Yesterady, Kentucky beat writer Kyle Tucker waded neck-deep into the abyss of suck that is Kentucky's offense to explore just how bad the Wildcats' offense has been this season. He looked at every play Kentucky has run so far and tried to determine how many of them were "bad" plays, which he defined as plays that gained zero yards, lost yards, or resulted in a turnover, or "good" plays, which gained yardage. Incredibly, 46.2% of the Wildcats' 377 offensive plays fall into one of those three categories.

Because I have deep, dark obsession with offensive incompetency, I decided to find out how my team fared in good play/bad play percentages. One slight change I made to his classifications of a bad play is that I added penalties, which not only lose yards, but ruin some of the few good plays a bad offense makes. I was not as detailed in my research as Tucker was, mainly because I HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, and just have plays listed as good or bad, not detailing no gain/loss/turnover/penalty.

Also, I have no doubt I screwed up the count by one or two, but what good non-scientific research doesn't. Additional also, I did not count the Southern Illinois game.

BYU
Good plays: 34
Bad plays: 26
Bad play %: 43.3%

Vanderbilt
Good plays: 35
Bad plays: 31 (seems WAY WAY WAY too low)
Bad play %: 46.9%

UGA
Good plays: 26
Bad plays: 30
Bad play %: 53.6%

Fresno State
Good plays: 39
Bad plays: 23
Bad play %: 37%

Season
Good plays: 134
Bad plays: 110
Bad play %: 45.1%

Look at that! Right behind Kentucky!

/drinks all the beers

If not for the Fresno State defense, our bad play % would be 47.8%, passing Kentucky for the lead. SHOULD HAVE SCHEDULED A WAC SCHOOL, KENTUCKY. And, because I had some time between the important things I do, I calculated that Alabama, Ole Miss' opponent this weekend, is causing teams to have bad plays 49.4% of the time. By the chaos math theories to which I subscribe, that means Ole Miss will have a bad play 94.5% of the time on Saturday.

/94.5% actually happens
/dubbed "genius of math"
/wins Fields Medal
/exposes building janitor to the world of chaos math
/gets janitor high-paying job
/janitor repays favor by ignoring job and leaving for California
/Houston Nutt is fired