Wednesday, September 14, 2011

An Intense Study of the Tom Brady UGG Commercial

Tom Brady’s boots are lined with sheepskin. His pants are lined with poo.
By Peter Venkman

As soon as Tom’s dainty feet hit the floor he’s in his furry house slippers. I’m going to assume Gisele is still lying in bed looking all kinds of Brazilian.

Tom makes his way down a hallway, then we get a brief glimpse as he passes over an oriental rug. Interesting note, the aforementioned rug is identical to the rug in front of my desk here in my home-office (this is the very loosest interpretation of the word office). At this time I’d like to stop and compile a list of the other ways in which Tom’s life and my own are identical:

1. We both have testicles.
2. We live in the United States of America

(that's pretty much it)

Quick shot of Tom descending a flight of stairs in bowling shoes.

Now in work-boots, Tom wanders around aimlessly in three different suburban neighborhoods. Though nice, these upscale Bostonian homes would list in the range of 600-900k. Tom is either high or buying a home for a member of his family or entourage.

Back in those strange, elfish-looking sneakers, but here’s where things get interesting. TB12 breaks into a trot in the middle of the sidewalk, comes to a complete stop, then busts out some kind of five-step drop/karaoke hybrid move.

Boots on the ground.

A rocket scientist over at UGG decided they might want to get a couple shots of Tom’s face for their money.

Brady points what looks like a piece of his own poo at the camera.

Ok, that might be a stick. No word yet on whether or not the tuck-rule applies to poo-sticks.

Who knew one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever live throws sticks like a girl.

3. We both throw poo-sticks like a girl.

Mangy-looking dog running next to Brady. Since UGG is based out of Australia, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that this is a dingo.

TB is jogging again. Either the dingo has turned on him, or he just made another poo-stick in his jeans.

Still looking for that Port-a-John.

Back in the brown sneaks. Still running. At least he changed his poo-pants.

In a bold fashion move, Tom has opted for Han Solo’s jacket from The Empire Strikes Back.

Dizzying shots of Link’s boots from Legend of Zelda.

Han Solo in the city (not the one in the clouds that is run by Billy Dee Williams hopped up on Colt 45).

Tom found a merry-go-round.

Exits a silver Corvette (wtf?) in his Sons of Anarchy boots while carrying an old-timey doctor’s bag.

More stairs.

Headphones head shot.

After traipsing through a locker decked in rich mahogany, Tom sits alone in the corner. No one will go near him in those skid-marked poo-jeans.

“You’re damned right I poo’d my pants!”

No comments:

Post a Comment