Monday, September 26, 2011

From The Weekend That Was


Georgia 27, Ole Miss 13
I'm done complaining and engaging in all forms of wailing and gnashing of teeth over this Ole Miss team. Well, at least until the next time something makes me really mad, which will almost certainly happen in the first 10 minutes of every game. So, like Ole Miss, NOTHING HAS OR WILL CHANGE.

But for now, the final analysis of the Ole Miss team is pretty simple. No quarterback, no offensive line (burn in a fire, Phil Steele), no coach, and average defense. I mentioned this on Twitter on Saturday (if you're not on the Twitters or are, you have the opportunity to be exposed to even MORE of my disappointment and fist-shaking at the sky by clicking on the "follow me" link on the right), but when we're looking for our new coach, if we don't hire a Mike Leach/Dana Holgorsen Air Raid-ish believer, and go with a Skip Holtz type, I quit.

Saturday night, with a significant talent gap and playing one of the best, if not THE best defense in the country, Holgoren's West Virginia offense put up 533 yards of total offense against LSU, with Geno Smith throwing for 463 yards. Special teams disasters and turnovers kept West Virginia from keeping it close until the end, but they moved the ball at will after the first quarter.

By comparison, the Ole Miss offense has 591 TOTAL yards through three D-I football games. I never want to see another pro-style offense which relies on having better players than everyone else to be successful, because, as I said before, we will never have those players on a consistent basis. Dammit, I'm ready for this coaching search to get started. IT'S ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW.

Also, Georgia, you stink.

Alabama 38, Arkansas 14
In the modern era of D-I college football, as in when black players were finally allowed to make the game a million times more fun to watch, has a team ever been held to negative yards of total offense? If not, there's a good chance it will happen on October 15th in Oxford, Mississippi when Alabama comes to town.

If they were able to manhandle Bobby Petrino's offense, which is an actual functioning offense, first degree felony abuse/assault/battery is headed the Rebels' way.

Auburn 30, Florida Atlantic 14
A round of congratulations to Ted Roof for allowing fewer than a quarter of a million yards to an opposing offense. FAU, one of the few teams in the country with a worse offense than Ole Miss, only managed to grind out 307 yards and 14 points, which were 306 yards and 13.9 points above their respective averages.

Florida 48, Kentucky 10
On Friday I wrote that Kentucky had to know that their only chance of winning was limiting Chris Rainey and Jeff Demps, forcing John Brantley to throw. How'd that work out? 405 yards rushing for Florida, with 262 from Rainey and Demps. So I'd say not well. The bloodbath of ineffectiveness between Ole Miss and Kentucky on November 5th will be a tale of horror passed down through generations until the end of time.

Mississippi State 26, Louisiana Tech 20
Rest a little easier, Bulldog fans, for your team is the second football team in which Tech has taken to overtime this season. Now, you may get worried again because that first team was Central Arkansas.

Chris Relf seems to have responded really well to being pulled on the biggest drive of the game against LSU. If standing on a beach, his ability to throw the ball into the ocean is in question at this point. However, the lifeguard stand and beach furniture storage box could still be in play due to the fact the ball could go anywhere when it leaves his hand.

I understand the whole team being flat in a game like this, but to only score 13 offensive points (in regulation) against a bad defense like Louisiana Tech's is a troubling sign. Not to mention, State was a few "that's why they're Louisiana Tech" plays away from being 1-3 after eight months of contending in the SEC West talk.

South Carolina 21, Vanderbilt 3
How about everyone go ahead and sign an agreement to never say anything about Vanderbilt being a new kind of Vanderbilt. That would save me time in saying, "I NEVER TIRE OF BEING RIGHT," and it would save everyone else time in retracting praise for Vanderbilt and their coach at the time of incorrect praise. 77 yards of total offense against a defense that was shredded by East Carolina and Georgia is an excellent reminder that, assuming a win over Kentucky happens, Vanderbilt will go 2-6 in the SEC.

But the real excitement to come out of this game is the collapse of Stephen Garcia, who has looked awful for most of the season. With his four interceptions in this game, he's taken the lead in the competition for the Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure. And thanks to Connor Shaw being just as bad or worse, Spurrier will be forced to keep playing him, which will result in more headset-throwing montages ESPN showed us at various points in the game.

/weeps hot tears of joy

LSU 47, West Virginia 21
See above for my man-crush on all things Dana Holgorsen, but only LSU loses their starting quarterback a week before the season starts and gets BETTER. WAY BETTER. Jarrett Lee has stopped throwing interceptions and now specializes in not doing dumb things and making a smattering of really good throws. Had Reuben Randle not dropped a touchdown pass that would have made it 34-7, Lee would have thrown four TDs and put a special exclamation point on a curb-stomping.

Of course, it helps to have good running backs, receivers, and offensive line, but Lee has elevated himself to whatever level is above game manager. Let's call it game supervisor. Or game assistant to the vice president. If LSU and Alabama hold their courses, the November 5th game will be the exact opposite of the Ole Miss/Kentucky game on that day.

Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches

Jeff Demps, Florida
10 carries, 157 yards, 2 TDs

Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play

Stephen Garcia, South Carolina
16-30, 228 yards, 1 TD, 4 INTs

Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him

Les Miles
The man is an unstoppable force, perhaps even a Nightrain?

(In honor of Guns going back on tour. Even without Slash and most of the rest, I'm gonna do my best to be there.)

2011 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season

1. Stephen Garcia 7
2. Morgan Newton 6
2. Zack Stoudt  6
4. Barrett Trotter 3
4. Chris Relf 3
4. Tyler Wilson 3
4. Aaron Murray 3
4. Larry Smith 3
9. John Brantley 2
9. A.J. McCarron 2
9. Tyler Bray 2

Week: 2-5
Season: 18-17-1 (.513)


Peter Venkman
Week: 6-1
Season: 29-9 (.763)

Mr. Blue
Week: 3-4
Season: 22-15 (.594)


Cameron Poe
Week: 7-0
Season: 31-6 (.837)

Chris Low
Week: 7-0
Season: 31-6 (.837)

Gray: 22-4
Venkman: 20-6
Poe: 22-4

Texas A&M at Arkansas
Ugh. Now I have to pay attention to another team? You'll find me in the camp that thinks the addition of A&M is unnecessary and only benefits Texas A&M. I'm not sure I understand the logic of messing with the best set up in college football.

/informed this means we may not have to lose to Alabama every year

Welcome aboard, Aggies!

Florida at Alabama
A Saturday night with Uncle Verne? YES PLEASE.

Ole Miss at Fresno State
If he loses, it could be Houston Nutt's last game at Ole Miss. COACHING SEARCH PLEASE.


  1. Anonymous1:41 PM

    Is there a chance that maybe Houston Nutt is using the two quarterback system in hopes of avoiding the "jevan snead" trophy this year? its really a good strategy, by switching quarterbacks every two possessions or so it really helps your chances.. needs to rotate stoudt out a little more and maybe put brunetti in..

  2. In the last 42 Ole Miss games (2008 season to present), Ole Miss quarterbacks have thrown 54 INTs during non-garbage time.

  3. steve8:56 PM

    If ole miss does in fact fire Houston Nutt, and hires Mike Leach, who do you see Mike Leach locking in a closet for discipline?

  4. It would have to be someone who is white, whose dad thinks they're better than they are (and the dad is an arrogant ass), and has a sense of entitlement. Hopefully, during Leach's tenure, Jackson Prep, Jackson Academy, or any other MPSA school will produce such a player.

  5. Steve, hopefully Pete Boone.