Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Hansel Explains Non-Expansion

"So I'm in the LA Coliseum, watching USC and Oklahoma play, and suddenly, this other team runs out on the field. They're wearing all this orange and black, and the whole thing is very confusing. 'Cause like, what are they doing here? There's already a game going on.

Then, a team wearing nothing but black comes running in behind a black horse with a rider on it making a gun with his hand. And I'm like, what is going on here? Not everyone can play, right? So just when I think it could get any more scary, Texas shows up. Yeah, Texas! How'd they even get there? Who told them the game was going on?

So, now, I'm like, totally spinning. Who's that, what's that over there, what's gonna happen next. I mean, it's really starting to freak me out. So I start screaming. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I'll never forget the terror. When all of a sudden, I realize, 'Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote since August, and couldn't some of this be in your head?'

And it was. I was totally fine. Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas, and Texas Tech have never even been in the Pac-12."

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