Monday, November 22, 2010

What Say You, Les Miles?

It's time for our weekly check-in with the only coach in America who fielded a question about Erin Andrews AND peepholes in a two minute span. Seriously, some crazy old bastard asked questions about both.  To his credit, the grass-eater sidestepped the question and still brought maximum entertainment.

Opening Statement...
"Happy Thanksgiving. We have a lot to be thankful for, all of us. Our football team, our state, and our community have a lot to be thankful for. I have to say finishing a home stand at Tiger Stadium undefeated, I would have to thank the fans. I think those people that come and sit in those seats are rare and they make a great difference to our team."
And thank you to T-Bob Hebert for snapping the ball as time was expiring against Tennessee. If not for his smarts, I would have been murdered on the 50-yard line by these same people. And thanks to the Tennessee defensive staff for displaying the organization and composure of a herd of on-fire cats before that play. I hope they enjoyed the coffee cake I sent.
"How wonderful it is to walk into a stadium where 92,500 fans believe in their hearts that you are supposed to beat the ever living tar out of your opponents just like you are supposed to believe."
Luckily, I never wilt or make questionable choices under that pressure.
"The Ole Miss game, I think Jeremiah Masoli waited for this game to play his best, and he was just uncanny. I thought he was as talented a quarterback as we have seen, and I have watched every game that he played and he played his best."
Les, you are stoking my fire-of-a-thousand-suns hate Tyrone Nix right now.
"I give it to coach (Houston) Nutt for having that team ready to play."
I overrule your admiration and cite the Jacksonville State, Vanderbilt and Tennessee games.
"There were a couple places where we missed the line on defense, a couple signals that they just didn't quite get accomplished on the field and it led to some big plays. These things are definitely correctable, and the issue that I enjoy is I like how our defense plays."
Other issues I enjoy: Budgetary matters, immigration reform and conservation in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
"Offensively we had a big day. I thought Jordan Jefferson had his best day to date, and he is the SEC Offensive Player of the Week."
"I like the position we are in. I recognize the enjoyment to come over here and see you all, and that the quickness to which the season goes by really predicts how much fun you are having. I go to work every day with guys that have a smile on their face all the time, and I go to work with guys that fight like hell for victory."
And I fight like hell with the English language.

On Offensive Coordinator Gary Crowton re-inventing himself on offense...
"I don't know if there is really a re-inventing, but I can tell you that the things that we need to have happen."
To re-invent something suggests that there was something there in the first place, no?

On Jordan Jefferson's progression as the season has gone on...
"It is interesting. The thing that you have to allow is for our guys to get better. The observation of where they are at now and where they are going to be is always going to be different."

On kickoff coverage...
"Then there is some improvement being made by certain guys, and we can't go by that very talented young player that we have on that team that made mistakes in that game with the idea that we need to correct him and get him fixed, because they are very talented."
In short, certain guys are talented that need corrected with mistakes in young ideas that can't go by some improvement with the idea that very talented and get him fixed.

On what the 'Boot' trophy means to him...
"I can tell you that since I've been here, the Arkansas-LSU game has been tremendously contested. Every game has always come down to the back end. Every game has had big plays, and I can't imagine it will be any different (this year). I promise you when it comes to the challenge of keeping that trophy, that's something that we want to have happen. I can also tell you that the 'Boot' kind of reminds me of the shape of our state. I can tell you that a boot is also a piece of clothing worn on the foot. The key is to not be given the boot."
I can also tell you that Arkansas is north of Louisiana. I can also tell you that we are all in this room. I can also tell you that it is daytime right now. I can also tell you that my head is flooded with other elementary facts and observations I could use here to continue to avoid answering in a succinct fashion, which is presently incapable of happening when my synapses are firing with the velocity and great performance one would want out of their brain in situations such as the one I find myself in now as I talk to you in this room in the state of Louisiana, which looks like a boot.

On if he has noticed any change in QB Jordan Jefferson's demeanor or body language...
"I'm not necessarily following demeanor and body language."
Otherwise, I would have benched him two years ago.

On if he has ever been around a kicker as athletic as Josh Jasper...
"We ask him to kick field goals. We ask him to kick off and put them in spots that we want them, and rarely we ask him to run -- I hate to use the word -- a fake."
Embrace your tears, Florida fans. They might help wash some of the stink and shame off this season.

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