What Say You, Les Miles?

It's time for our weekly check-in with America's most successful borderline insane person. This week, Coach Miles discusses pieces of issues that present great challenges occurring within themselves on great planes of competition.

“We recognize that this is Ole Miss Week, and this is going to be a great competitive game between two traditional rivals. I think about the many games historically that have been played between these two teams. The Billy Cannon run is certainly one that everyone talks about and will continue to talk about forever."

You mean former federal inmate Billy Cannon?

/invents time machine to ensure Cannon gets tackled
/ends up in 1812
/assists in the War of 1812 by running and hiding, thus making the American army stronger
/fails at stopping Cannon
/forced to listen to Cannon crap for rest of life

"This Ole Miss team is much better than a 4-6 team..."

YOU DARE YOU.

"... they are a team that has the ability to score. They have a very fine running back, and certainly the quarterback Jeremiah Masoli. They can run it and throw it, and they have an offensive line that’s given up the fewest sacks in the SEC, and they are going to be a great challenge for our defensive front."

He's right, we CAN run it, but we choose not to do so with our best running back.

"Defensively they have given up some points, and certainly they have given up some yards as well. They also take chances and they get into the backfield, as they are second in the conference in sacks. They have an outstanding punter in Tyler Campbell who is averaging 45 yards per punt, which is second in the SEC. They have a very dangerous returner Jesse Grandy who is third, so they are very solid in special teams and we are going to have to very good in our coverage as we have been."

Other than the part about the defense, ALL LIES.

On if he is confident in his quarterbacks’ abilities to throw the ball down the field...
"The issue is we want to throw it deep, and we should probably have taken some of the underneath throws in that game that we just played, but no, I think our guys can throw it deep. They’ll mishit, but they’ll hit more than not.”

But mostly, they'll mishit.

On Ole Miss head coach Houston Nutt’s game plan against LSU...
"I think Houston Nutt does a great job. I think any time you line up against his teams, they are going to be very sound in offense, defense and special teams."

Again, LIES.

On how much the way last year’s Ole Miss game ended sticks with him now...
"We looked at that very long, and we made adjustments. We saw the mistakes, and we fixed them. The issue is one that is certainly not a pleasant memory, but getting beyond it and making sure we’re headed in the right direction, that’s got to be our focus. To me, that’s what our team has to do and what I have to do."

Except in the Tennessee game. And the ones before that. And the ones after that. But all the others, yes, we've fixed the problems in those games.

After questions about the BCS, a BCS bid, the quarterback that signals in the plays and some of the younger guys that got to play, the reporters decided, well, shit, I guess we probably should ask questions about Ole Miss now. But not too many!

On if the end of last year’s game led them to adjust the way they do things at practice...
"We’ve done a number of things differently in practice that helps us in those situations. We’ve worked at it."

This Ole Miss team is so miserable to talk about that the reporters can only rephrase questions about last year's game.

On how involved they were in recruiting Ole Miss RB Brandon Bolden out of high school...
"We absolutely took a look at him and saw that he had real talent. It’s difficult not being able to recruit all of the very good players in this state. It’s our goal and desire to take the very best, and at some point in time, you get into those marginal decisions, and certainly Bolden is good enough to play SEC football."

At least Ole Miss was in the question.

On the emotion of Senior Day...
"I think they’ll miss it most after it’s over. It’s youth. It’s the experience of youth. When they walk off that field for the last time, it’s then that it will probably strike them. The good news is their memories are as strong as there is in college football. There is not a guy that will leave his experience here and ever think that there was a better venue, better stadium, better place to go to school, better place to be cheered for. There is only one Tiger Stadium."

That is the most lucid response ever given by Miles, and a fantastic one at that. Though I am sure there are hundreds and hundreds books written about the ending of a football career and what comes next, the one that comes to mind, mainly because of LSU and I've actually read it, is John Ed Bradley's It Never Rains in Tiger Stadium. Bradley describes in painful and powerful detail what it's like to no longer have access to "a drug," as he called it, that offered the highest of highs. And even though he was talking about his college football career, we can all identify to some degree with what he's saying because we've all experienced leaving behind something that brought us similar feelings.  Like PLAIN OLD COLLEGE.

/pauses to remember paradise
/regrets not doing more
/does not regret the 267,000 games of Mario Kart played
/realizes nap time would be coming up in a few hours
/cries tears of rage

Uh, anyway. Read that book.

The next six questions had nothing to do with Ole Miss or any preparation for this game, but, rather, the return of an injured player, Patrick Peterson's career, the chance to have a great season, LSU playing well in the third quarter and end of the game, the LSU walk-on program and another question about the BCS. Even though Les never got a chance to be flex his Les-muscles, I did learn 1,000% more about the LSU walk-on program than I ever thought I would know or care to know.  Good times.