As spring football practices wind down across the SEC and country, it's important that we learn as much as we can about what happened at as many schools as we can. There's no way we'll make it to all of them, but, dammit, we will try (I suggest keeping your hopes as low as possible). And to catch up, we're ramping up production, trying to hit two schools a day.
First up today, Auburn:
Nothing starts until Trooper Taylor gets in 37 minutes of towel-waving.
"Or until I get this hat straight P-I-M-P, dawg. You know what I'm sayin'?"
/fist pounds all around
Aaaaannnnndddddd, got in a little more towel-waving.
Practice was delayed for about 20 minutes because Cam Newton was late.
"CAMERON IS NOT COMING? HE WHAT? WHO FORGOT TO TELL ME? I'M ABOUT TO TEAR THIS UNIVERSE APART, PIECE BY PIECE. THAT'S A FORD PICK-UP TRUCK I JUST STEPPED OUT OF. TODAY'S FORECAST CALLS FOR SHOWERS OF PAIN."
/eats a student manager
"I am moderately concerned by this development."
"Everyone here looks like Chris Todd. I too am moderately concerned."
/eats another student manager
"I hope he eats one of these Chris Todd look-alikes."
"I'm worried he's going to eat all the managers. Who then will wash my towels?"
"HEAR MY ROARS OF ANGUISH!!!"
/eats stack of cones
"Gene! Easy big fella! We need you. We need you here in your right mind. Calm down for a minute."
"You're right, Ted. I need to relax for a minute. We'll get through this. You're a good friend, Ted."
"I'd give you a hug, but right now I seem to be stuck in the kicking net."
"Something's wrong with that dude, man."
"EVERYONE ON ME. SPRING PRACTICE IS NOT OVER UNTIL ONE OF YOU PINS ME. LET THE FAMILY FEATS OF STRENGTH BEGIN."