As spring football practices wind down across the SEC and country, it's important that we learn as much as we can about what happened at as many schools as we can. There's no way we'll make it to all of them, but, dammit, we will try (I suggest keeping your hopes as low as possible). And to catch up, we're ramping up production, trying to hit two schools a day.
2 Kings-ish 17:16
And they abandoned all the commandments of the Lord their God, and made for themselves a metal image of a disciplined, unyielding, toast and water kid of guy; and they worshiped him.
2 Kings-ish 17:17
And so, they WHOA THAT IS REALLY AGGRESSIVE. Why is it so in my face?
"THIS PLEASES ME VERY MUCH. HEY, WHILE I'M THINKING ABOUT IT, CAN WE GET SOME OF THOSE LIFESAVER MINTS IN MY OFFICE. BREATH HAS BEEN A LITTLE STALE RECENTLY."
"Sure thing, Coach Saban. My good friend, Taylor Hicks, here, was just telling me that-"
"AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT THE SAM'S CLUB BRAND, MAL. I WANT NAME BRAND LIFESAVERS."
"Right away, coach. Sorry, Taylor, I have to get go-"
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BUSINESS? ALL I SEE ARE PEPPERMINTS RIGHT NOW. UNACCEPTABLE."
"Sorry about that, Nick. Got your mints right here. Traffic on McFarland was awful. You know how it is."
"DELICIOUS MINT FLAVOR."
"Say, Nick, I was just talking with my good friend, Taylor Hicks, and he said it would be no problem for him to-"
"WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS THAT ON MY FIELD?"
"Why, Coach, that's Snake Stabler."
"GET HIM A PAIR OF PLEATED KHAKIS AT ONCE! NO GROWN-ASS MAN IS GOING TO WEAR WINDSUIT PANTS ON MY FIELD."
"On my way to the pants store now, Coach."
(singing to self):