Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Jim Delany Is A Reckless Monster

When not preaching from his mountaintop perch about the moral superiority of his conference over other conferences, fleecing what was the Big 12, convincing the NCAA to let ineligible players play in the Sugar Bowl, or crushing the peasant rebellion that is the call for a college football playoff, Big1TEN (or something like that) Commissioner Jim Delany does take time out of his day to occasionally tend to administrative matters.  Especially when he gets to push the Xerox printer to its limits in terms of collating and dipping into the 11" X 17" paper.  I'm told he's a fan of flashing displays and "computery-looking things."

Today's matter of business involves Delany pressing the television networks that televise B1GTen games to push back the starting times for all games by an hour.  Delany would like to see all televised games within the conference start at either noon, 3:30 PM, or 7:30 PM (central time).  For most of us, this means we won't get to watch the first 20 minutes of the electric 11 AM atmosphere of Northwestern/Purdue or Illinois/Wisconsin while we wait for Dave Neal and Andre Ware's faces to appear on ESPN's SEC Network, broadcasting a game that won't have an atmosphere until the second half when proper amounts of booze are flowing through the crowd's veins.

However, for those living in Jim Delany's kingdom, this proposed push in game times could mean the difference between life and death.  I always assumed the reason BTeN10ig games started so early was because the sun went down at 3:15 and if anyone was outside when it got dark, they'd all freeze to death.  Now Jim Delany is not only threatening my core beliefs, but the very existence of fans in his conference.

Aside from catering to television ratings and ignoring the backbone of the sport (all conferences do this, well, minus the ACC because they have no fans, because bills gotta be paid, y'all), what's your game here, Delany?  Are you trying to promote natural selection within the TEn1GiB fans by eliminating the weaker fans through death by exposure, thus creating a conference made up of nothing but super fans able to survive -27 degree wind chills?  Or are you just mad with power and want to see how easy it is for you to convince someone that their left hand needs to be on the green circle AND THE BLUE CIRCLE while their left foot needs to be on red, and have them do it?

Whatever your games is, Delany, you are a bastard, sir.  How dare you rock the boat that is a perfectly scheduled day like Saturdays in the fall.  This is nothing short of...

Wait, what?  Oh, I see.  So, if Northwestern/Iowa starts at noon, after the SEC game has already started, there's a chance I won't see any iG1TNB0E football on Saturdays?  Well, then.

My apologies, Mr. Delany.  Proceed away, sir, proceed away.

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