Wednesday, December 01, 2010

ESPN's Joe Schad Has the Inside Story to the Miami Hire

ESPN's lead investigator/inside scooper/Blackberry user/whatever is firmly planted as the epicenter of the reporting surrounding the Miami Hurricanes' search for a new coach. His "sources," a term ESPN freely uses, have stated that all signs point to Jon Gruden being named head coach within a few days. The other name mentioned, which would more directly affect people who read here everyday, is Mississippi State head coach Dan Mullen.

Now, just who Schad's sources are never exactly clear. Maybe some of those shadowy robe-wearing things from Lord of the Rings. But probably less evil. Or so I assume.

To this confusion, I say bullcrap. It's time to finally reveal who told Schad it would be Gruden and who brought up Dan Mullen's name. This way, you can decide for yourself who is a more credible source.

Jon Gruden Source

The guy down by the pier
Honesty can take a man a long way. Perhaps even right into a fish sandwich combo from Burger King. Why yes I will upsize that!

Dan Mullen Source

Fanciful unicorn
Alright, I'm gonna have to call bullshit on this one, Joe Schad. Everyone knows unicorns only like being around rainbows and sun-soaked forests.

The Guy Down by the Pier Source

His friend Russell
Who was also clearly irritated because even he considers Burger King to be slumming.

Trooper Taylor Source

Trooper Taylor
He says he's only got so many towel-waves left in his arm and leaping chest/side bumps left in his Achilles tendons before the body gives out. And that's a shame.

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