Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Why Gray Should or Should Not Ever Gamble With Real American Dollars in Large Quantities: 12/29 Edition

First, a brief recap of what all of this nonsense is about:  In order to determine whether my diet would consist of Ramen noodles (mix them with ranch dressing and you've got yourself a real treat!) or large quantities of meats and cheeses if I ever did embark down the slippery slope of minor high-stakes gambling that would most likely lead me to living out my days in a YMCA shelter, I shall conduct an experiment of the opposite of the scientific variety.  I'll be wagering 20 Confederate dollars on each bowl game (minus the three I ignored during my Christmas/traveling odyssey) and at the end of the bowl season, we'll see just how poor I would have become.  Or just how vast my estate would be.  Bring me another $100 bill, Pendleton, I can't seem to light this fire properly!

2010-11 Bowl Season Dollars as of 12/29:  -$40

Military Bowl
East Carolina vs. Maryland (-8)
Rationale:  We're looking at about 800 pounds of beefy coaches with Ralph Friedgen and Ruffin McNeill thundering around on the sidelines.  I don't know what outcome that necessarily has on the game, but, oh, wait, what's that?  Seriously?  That many?  Did you do the math correctly?  Double-checked it?  Hmmm.  Well then.  While his weight does not matter, it does in fact matter that Ruffin McNeill is coaching in this game because his defense gives up 43.4 points a game.  That's almost 10 more than the great Tyrone Nix, and I considered that to be the worst defense I've ever seen.
Pick:  Maryland (-8)

Texas Bowl
Illinois (-1) vs. Baylor
Rationale:  RON ZOOK ALERT!  This means you should expect the unexpected except when the expected is not expected to happen unless their are exceptions that could possibly be unexpected or expected.
Pick:  Baylor (+1); I made this selection based on a bird that flew off a tree branch before another bird did, which is the only way to avoid insanity when trying to foresee Zook's decision making.

Valero Alamo Bowl
Oklahoma State (-5.5) vs. Arizona
Rationale:  My only wish while watching the Cowboys tear Mike Stoops' defense apart tendon by tendon is that Stoops' head actually explodes and a fountain of rage spews out of his neck.  I think you could probably get pretty fair odds from Las Vegas on this happening.
/breaks into a sprint
/dives head first Slip n' Slide style down the slippery slope
Pick:  Oklahoma State (-5.5)

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