Monday, December 20, 2010

Your Weekend Bowl Recap

Thankfully, in college football, there are people in positions of power and importance who are looking out for everyone's best interests.  If not for the dedicated resistance of these fine individuals, our precious, tradition-laced bowl system might be destroyed and we'd stuck with an ugly, dirty playoff system, which no one wants a part of.  Nevermind that EVERY OTHER SPORT IN THE WORLD USES A PLAYOFF AND PLAYOFFS ARE AWESOME, we must preserve the sanctity of the New Mexico Bowl and bowls sponsored by a type of software truckers can use.

Tale of the Tape

New Mexico Bowl
BYU 52, UTEP 24
Number of people enchanted:  When you enter the state of New Mexico, you become enchanted, dammit.
Minutes UTEP resembled a well-oiled machine:  Zero.
Minutes UTEP resembled a donkey with three legs:  59.
UTEP rushing yards:  -12.  Seriously, -12.  Joseph Banyard led all Miners with 11 yards on two carries.  On the opposite end, quarterback Trevor Vittatoe went for -43 on eight carries.
Pappy Price sightings in Albuquerque gentlemen's establishments:  Classified.  But it happened.  Pappy doesn't go anywhere where it's not rollin', baby!!!

uDrove Humanitarian Bowl
Northern Illinois 40, Fresno State 17
Number of people educated as to what uDrove is:  At the very least, one, and I was so happy to learn such in the seven minutes I spent watching this game.
What I did instead of watching:  Took a nap and went to the grocery store.  Of what I did see, I was reminded of watching this Fresno team against Ole Miss and, some three months later, they appeared just as incompetent. 
Would Northern Illinois slap the hell out of Ole Miss:  Is Tyrone Nix still coordinating what he terms "defense?"  Yes?  Then of course they would.
Number of times the announcers were confused and continued to refer to this game as the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl:  Multiple.  It's hard to retire tradition.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Troy 48, Ohio 21
Total offensive yards:  910
Yards earned by Troy:  602
Owner of lower conference supremacy:  The Sunbelt.  SUCK IT OHIO AND DIRECTIONAL MICHIGAN SCHOOLS.
Reasons this bowl should continue:  Other than serving as a practice run for the Sugar Bowl, none.
Can imagine life without this bowl?:  A one-sixth full Superdome on a Saturday night in mid-December and a game between the two worst conferences in America is something that should always be a part of this world, even if it means squashing a playoff that would be the single greatest sporting event in sports because a life without the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl is a life I don't want to imagine.

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