Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Stephen Garcia Bracket Of Scholarship Loss

On Tuesday, South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia was suspended (no, really, I had to look it up to believe it) for the first week of spring practice for certain festivities that may have happened (OHTHEYHAPPENED) in his Atlanta hotel room the week of the Chick-fil-A Bowl.  This suspension for spring practice is not to be confused with his incidents of police involvement, most notably a keying of a car, gettin' drunk and runnin' scared in public, and gettin' drunk and spraying a fire extinguisher in his dorm room, two of which resulted in a suspension from spring practice.

So now that he's at three suspensions in five available spring practice terms, not to mention irritating Steve Spurrier with seemingly every breath he takes, what would it take for him to get the boot from the Gamecock team?  In the spirit of March Madness, let us take that journey though those brackets of options and find out just who or what would cause Spurrier to slam down the hammer of get-the-hell-of-my-team on the crown of young Garcia.

Yeah, you're gonna have to click on that to make it big enough to read.

A few notes from the results:
-Never underestimate the power of Haters; they're always out to keep good times from being had
-How an arrest for an incident with a compound bow, fireworks, or taser (or all three at once) has not yet happened for Garcia is an indictment on the entire American justice system
-Do you really think Garcia is going to waste his time at a Days Inn, Best Western, or Motel Six? Hot tubs, bras, hot tubs.
-Is there any doubt Nic Cage is Garcia's favorite? Not just actor, but favorite everything.
-I thought Meeting McConaughey might slip into the Final Four, but even that is not enough BroPower for Haters
-Like any college student, Free Time, if not wasted properly, and thus harnessed, can turn into a monster far out of your control. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THERE ARE BURNING ORANGE CONES AND LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS KNIFE FIGHTING A MONKEY ON MY ROOF, OFFICER.

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