Thursday, May 19, 2011

Reactions To Stephen Garcia's Probable Return To Starting Quarterback

Though Steve Spurrier has yet to officially announce it, all signs point to the return of suspended South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia and his resumption of starting quarterback duties (which also would end my candlelight vigil that's been going since the suspension started in April).  Essentially, as long as Garcia doesn't get drunk, steal the Ball Coach's visor, and shoot a 79 at Augusta, he should be ready to hand the ball off to Marcus Lattimore when South Carolina opens the season against East Carolina.  Now, if he's sober, steals the visor, and shoots a 74, he can probably get away with it.

Other than the South Carolina football team and its fans, the most affected people by Garcia's imminent return are the teams the Gamecocks will play in 2011.  With that in mind, let's get some thought from the coaches of those 12 teams, as they now have to prepare for Garcia instead of the mostly harmless Connor Shaw.

Ruffin McNeill, East Carolina:

"My defense gave up 44 points a game last year. I don't like any offense.  Sweet mercy, it's hot in here.  Do you have a towel?  I believe mine's all soaked up."

Mark Richt, Georgia:

"Garcia, I don't really care about. Marcus Lattimore, however, I'm going to run over with a bus."

Ken Niumatalolo, Navy:

"We're going to need a handful of turnovers and some mental collapses in order to win. I'm not that familiar with the SEC, so is that a possibility with Stephen Garcia?"

It is indeed, Ken, it is indeed.


James Franklin, Vanderbilt:

"Holy shit, I hope this guy doesn't have to play."

Gene Chizik, Auburn:


Joker Phillips, Kentucky:

(sad trombone sound)

Dan Mullen, Mississippi State:

"I'm trying to remember, wait, I think we did. Yep, I was right all along. We did beat The School Up North the past two seasons."

Derek Dooley, Tennessee:

"My starting quarterback went 5 for 30 in the last major scrimmage before fall practice. Is it possible Garcia can still transfer here?"

Bobby Petrino, Arkansas:


Will Muschamp, Florida:

"Last I checked, he's still got to use his mind, which works to our benefit. It's kind of l- BOOM!!! Hahaha! Gotcha! One more time, BOOM!!!"

Kevin Higgins, Citadel:

"Men, avoid staring at solar eclipses for extended periods of time."

Dabo Swinney, Clemson:

"I like this fella' right here. A prankster.  Ain't no way Steve is going to let him come back after all that stuff he put them through.

Do what?

You're serious?

Oh man, there goes our shot at eight wins."

(sad trombone sound)

And finally, Coach Spurrier, what are your thoughts about Stephen returning to the team?


  1. Brian8:47 PM

    Keep it up Gray...continuing to provide me with laughs

  2. Anonymous7:04 PM

    The Gamecocks need a winner leading the offense on the field. Garcia has demonstrated that he has the character of a loser and, therefore, cannot lead the team to the next level. I believe that team discipline will suffer as a result of not enforcing the rules. The President of the University should have been fired for not kicking him out of school for keying a professor's car. Any other student would have been gone - a double standard for athletes. What's new

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