Friday, January 07, 2011

One Final, Desperate Attempt to Stop the Fake Hemorrhaging

Thanks to yet another horrible pick in Middle Tennessee State, which included Dwight Dasher's ability to readily give the ball to the other team (4 INTs!), I find myself at 10-13-1 against the spread and $60 in the hole (I missed a few games because I forgot I was embarking on this quest; or maybe I hadn't decided to do it; who knows; how about another semicolon; okay; one more; done). If you're new or have slept through most of this class, click here to read what I'm attempting to do (the first two paragraphs will tell you all you need to know).

So, here we go. The final three exhibition games and the National Championship game. 12-15-1 HERE I COME!

Cotton Bowl
LSU (-2) vs. Texas A&M
Rationale: Since I don't know what the hell I'm doing and the majority of my picks are losers, guess what, LSU, I'm gonna try to drag you down into MY PIT OF DESPAIR. Conveniently for LSU, their one competent offensive player, Stevan Ridley, was ineligible, but is now eligible. I would vigorously protest, but this is LSU and par for the course. Earlier in December I had LSU penciled in for seven defensive touchdowns without Ridley, now, let's knock that down to five and two for Ridley, while the offense piles up 73 yards of total offense.
Pick: LSU (-2)

BBVA Compass Bowl
Pittsburgh (-3.5) vs. Kentucky
Rationale: No Wannstache? I don't care if Mike Hartline drank away his chance to light it up at Legion Field at 11 o'clock on a Saturday morning in early January in front of 17,000 people (excellent choice by the way, Mike. Do you know what the high is on Saturday in Birmingham? 48, with a wind chill of 38. NO THANKS.). If Wannstache isn't there, Pitt players surely cannot be motivated by a man without a mustache. So, Phil Bennett, you'll put that razor away if you what's good for you.
Pick: Kentucky (+3.5)

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl
Nevada (-8) vs. Boston College
ESPN Announcer: "I gotta tell you, guys, we've got a couple of hungry teams here today who want to win, but, thanks to the effort of this great bowl and its people, many more people out there aren't going hungry because of today."

Other Announcer: "You're exactly right. Just a tremendous day and a day that's going to help a lot of people."


Pick: Nevada (-8)

National Championship Game
Auburn (-3) vs. Oregon
Rationale: SEC be damned here. LET'S GO DUCKS!
Pick: Auburn (-3)

No comments:

Post a Comment