Mark DuVall: Elected Official, Stirrer of Shit

As of 24 hours ago, I wasn't aware that someone named Mark DuVall existed, just as he has no idea that I, or any of you, do.  Then, he decided it was time for a no-name legislator in the Mississippi House of Representatives to thrust himself onto my ever-growing list of people that need to burn in a fire.  DuVall, representing the great 19th district (I have no idea where that is and neither do the people within the 19th district because they are most likely unaware they are, in fact, in the 19th district.  Does anyone, other than zealous social studies and government teachers, know the state district in which they live?  Absolutely not.), has introduced a bill to the Mississippi House of Representatives that reads as follows:

AN ACT TO AMEND SECTION 37-115-1, MISSISSIPPI CODE OF 1972,
1 TO PROVIDE THAT THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI SHALL BEAR THE
2 NICKNAME "OLE MISS REBELS"; TO PROVIDE THAT THE UNIVERSITY'S
3 MASCOT SHALL BE "COLONEL REBEL"; TO REQUIRE THAT THE UNIVERSITY'S
4 BAND SHALL PLAY "DIXIE" AND "FROM DIXIE WITH LOVE" AT HOME AND
5 AWAY FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL GAMES AT WHICH THE BAND, OR SOME
6 PORTION OF THE BAND, IS PRESENT; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

Yes, this is a real, actual bill that currently sits in the House in a state that has more problems that can be fixed in 100,000 legislative sessions.  DuVall took time out of his days to ignore, you know, the important stuff that is within the borders of the gaping shithole that is the 19th district (parts of Lee, Itawamba and Tishomingo counties; yes, I looked it up and yes, I've been there, so I know it sucks, just like every place that everyone is from) and presented a bill that, at the very most, something less than the quarter of the state gives a damn about.  Oddly enough, DuVall is a graduate of the people's university, Mississippi State, which opens the door for all sorts of awesome conspiracy theories for the message board crowd ("HE'S BEING BANKROLLED BY DAN MULLEN, WHO HAS A PLAN YOU WOULD NOT AND COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT IS AIMED AT THE DESTRUCTION OF OLE MISS!!1!1!!!").

Politicians, for the most part, outrage and disgust me more than just about anything else in this world.  And, yes, that includes Tyrone Nix still being employed by the University of Mississippi as its defensive coordinator.  Our politicians have one goal and one goal only:  To get reelected.  Everything they do between elections is to ensure they get to have the same position for another few years.  They kiss all the right babies, pretend to be upset over the right things and say whatever it is their constituents want to hear.  That's just how it works.

Unless these people make things worse or do something truly horrible, like, well, murder someone, we'll let them hang around (though, thanks to Ted Kennedy, that's debatable).  It's part of an understood agreement we have with politicians.  We'll ignore the fact that their job isn't really a job, very few could get a real job if they had to, they waste millions of dollars on personal bullcrap and that they have immunity from just about every major crime, as long as they don't waste our time with dumb shit like a bill that demands Ole Miss be called the "Rebels" and that the band plays two songs.  We're not opposed to swallowing oceans of their steaming piles of elephant crap, but when total stupidity and time-wasting come into the picture, that's a violation of our agreement.

When violations of said agreement come into play, it usually means a new representative from the 19th district will soon be on his way to Jackson.  And that is my great wish for 2011.  To never read about or see Mark DuVall's name mentioned again, unless it is in the context of "Mark DuVall was CRUSHED by his challenger in the 19th district and lost his seat in the Mississippi House of Representatives."  Or the whole burn in a fire thing I mentioned earlier.  Either one works for me.  So, I urge you, good people who stupidly elected this guy, write him letters (even if it is SO 1992), emails and call his home, work, office or whatever.  Let him know that he broke the agreement and we, as an abused general public, won't stand for such an egregious violation of our standards.  And be sure to tell him that come next election time, you'll be voting for the other guy, even if that guy is wanted for stealing money from orphanages, stomping puppies to death and has ENCOURAGED BEER SALES ON SUNDAY.