Thursday, February 10, 2011
Cam Newton's Phenomenalness and Non-Phenomenalness
Since it was Thursday and he had nothing better going on (or so I assume), Cam Newton held a workout in which members of the media were invited to come watch him run around a football field and throw passes to receivers who also had nothing going on today. ESPN's Trent Dilfer was among the group of middle-aged men who made the trip to San Diego because it's San Diego and why wouldn't you go to San Diego if expenses were paid and declared Newton's performance during the workout to be "phenomenal."
Taking some of Dilfer's observations mixed with some of my own, here's an easy-to-read, two-column breakdown of what is and isn't phenomenal about Cam Newton.
-Strength to lift a car over his head and outrun you while not releasing the car
-Shoulders broad enough to carry both Gene Chizik and Ted Roof
-Looks like he belongs in the National Football League (repeat again in Merril Hoge voice)
-Caused a screeching halt of workdays across the South when news of his pay-for-play scandal broke
-This alone should be sufficient evidence:
Oh, and Brett Favre helped him pick his agent and will help him prepare for the NFL Draft.
GO AWAY OLD MAN.
/rage vomits on everything in sight
Posted by Gray at 6:01 PM