Friday, September 03, 2010

Week One SEC Picks

My apologies for not cranking this out sooner, but I, like perhaps many of you, was sucked in by Hawaii's offense and the suckiness of both Hawaii's and USC's defense.  And to be totally honest, I was still reeling from Stephen Garcia making it rain against a Southern Miss defense that would have surrendered 1100 passing yards to Hawaii, and a South Carolina offense that RAN the ball for 224 yards.  So things are only moving in second gear around here right now.  Regardless, we shall move over to the right lane (maybe even the shoulder) and press on.

Texas Pete SEC Week One Power Poll

Carefully scored by a panel of three judges, former figure skater Scott Hamilton, current Secretary of the Navy (and former Mississippi governor) Ray Mabus, and a shadowy Russian judge, this poll attempts to rank those in the SEC who are living the good life.  And by that I mean should probably go buy lottery tickets in bulk.  Pronto.

1.  Stephen Garcia
He spends all spring and summer, check that, his entire career at South Carolina receiving the verbal barbs of Steve Spurrier, and in a make or break game for his career, he successfully leads a Gamecock offense that ripped Southern Miss apart limb by limb.

2.  Steve Spurrier
For one night, it looked like the magic of the Ol' Ball Coach was back.
“We had 41 points with 11 minutes left or something,” Spurrier said. “I was thinking for a while there that we might for the first time ever score 50 here, but we couldn’t do it. We need to score 50 some time.”
3.  Les Miles
North Carolina is now holding out 12 players (5 defensive starters from a top ten defense in 2009) from tomorrow's game and three others have still not been cleared by the NCAA, whose four employees are simply swamped with work.  The "Save My Job" season is off to a good start.

4. Marcell Dareus
Yes, he's gong to miss two games, but it could have been worse.  He could have violated the "intent of some made-up bullshit" and missed the entire season.

5.  SEC Fans
What kind of crap is this?  I'm looking at you, Scott Hamilton.  You big softie.

6.  Florida
Miami of Ohio visits Gainesville to break in the post-Tebow era.  Slaughter shall ensue.

7.  Arkansas
Tennessee Tech kicks off the YOU KNOW MALLETT IS GOING TO WIN THE HEISMAN CAMPAIGN AND WE'RE GOING 13-0 silliness from Arkansas fans.

8.  Georgia
Even though they have yet another player soon to be acquainted with law enforcement, they do get Louisiana-Lafayette this weekend.  Looks like Richt might actually beat Urban Meyer in at least one category:  PLAYER INCARCERATION.

9.  Alabama
San Jose State

10.  Ole Miss
No better way to kick of a season with two scholarship quarterbacks than a visit from Jacksonville State.

After last year's blistering 79-17 record, I'm not sure there's much more I can do EXCEPT BE PERFECT.  However, that is impossible, but through no fault of my own, others always fail my expectations (excellent logic, Gray).  So I'll set a meager goal this season of correctly picking 84 games.  Why?  Because it was the first number between 80-85 that popped in my head.

Miami (OH) at Florida
At least the check will be made out to cash.

Former Directional School at Georgia
When things get a little more laid back in the third and fourth quarters, I'd keep an eye on the Georgia sideline.  It could be the first time in NCAA history a player is arrested DURING THE GAME.

Kentucky at Louisville
Probably the most unwatchable rivalry game ever.  The teams either aren't very good or one is way better than the other, but my biggest issue is that I can't feel the hate through the TV.  And that's possibly because no one is at the game.  They're either doing something horse-related (status of standard, boring Kentucky joke about horse racing:  completed), dreaming of basketball season (status of standard, boring state-of-Kentucky-loves-basketball joke:  completed) or having sex with women who are not their wives on restaurant tables.  BAM!

Oh, what the hell, let's take Kentucky here.

Jacksonville State at Ole Miss

versus this:

Sweatpants are awesome.

UT-Martin at Tennessee
Keeping it in the family in east Tennessee.

Arkansas State at Auburn
A sad day for the Southeastern Conference when only one violator of the laptop-stealing law is allowed to play.  Mike Slive is slipping.

Tennessee Tech at Arkansas
From the US Open:  Younger man takes on old couple and appropriately DOMINATES. 

San Jose State at Alabama
Just because I never tire of it:

Memphis at Mississippi State
Chris Relf is fine.  Chris Relf, seriously, he's fine.  Chris Relf had a personal issue.  Chris Relf may have an injured finger.  Okay, you got me, Chris Relf has an injured finger.  He will play.  Maybe.  Yes, he will play.  But so will another quarterback.  You guess who.

And that was Dan Mullen pretending to be Bill Belichick and not a coach with a 5-7 career record.  However, I do like State in this game.  Although I'm still unsure if Memphis is actually going to show up for this game since it's not Ole Miss at the Liberty Bowl.

Northwestern at Vanderbilt
And so begins the quest of the Detroit Lions of the SEC toward a Detroit Lions' 0-12 season.

LSU at North Carolina
11 on 6 doesn't seem very fair.  Les Miles takes a shuffle step in the direction of returning to Baton Rouge in 2011.

1 comment:

  1. Now that something that never EVER happens to Ole Miss has happened, Masoli, Nutt and Ole Miss obliterate the standard set by Garcia and move into the top spot of the Texas Pete Rankings.