It's only Wednesday, but it's never too early to begin your meticulous preparation for wagering so that you can properly waffle over various point spreads from Wednesday night to Friday afternoon. And we all know it's not a real bet unless you interpret defensive passing efficiency statistics combined with the tides schedule in the Gulf and that one Tennessee fan who annoyed the hell out of you five years ago in Knoxville to mean that, YES, the road underdog will cover. So to add to the information most certainly necessary to making a successful bet, The Belly of the Beast is here to help.
But first, a free exercise in wagering to get the competitive juices flowing. In the video below, a grainy coed from Ole Miss celebrates in a nearly-empty stadium after last weekend's win over Fresno State. Will she: say something racist or faceplant like no other? MAKE YOUR WAGERS.
If you had her heading towards a faceplant, then veering sideways to land on her ass on the row below, you, my friend, correctly anticipated the garbage time 35-yard touchdown pass and the cover, and your pockets are now full of imaginary money.
Les Miles still standing behind Jordan Jefferson, mainly because there's nowhere else to stand
Yes, Jefferson is terrible, but even Bill Stewart knows you don't push in all your chips with Jarrett Lee. And Les Miles, at least six points worth better than Stewart, by some mathematical property I have intentionally forgotten because math is completely worthless after the sixth grade, knows better than that. If he starts Lee, and he's awful, which he most certainly will be, he loses the last bit of hope to which Tiger fans are clinging. By not starting Lee, he has some sort of hope offering to fans, who will give him time before they come burn his house down. Or course, he could solve all of this by firing Gary Crowton and becoming the savior of Baton Rouge until November when Alabama holds LSU to -72 yards of offense.
INFLUENCE ON BET: None. A water buffalo with a parrot telling it what to do could successfully quarterback a win against Tennessee.
Florida running back Jeff Demps could play this weekend against Alabama; OR NOT
Urban Meyer said he's hearing "positive things" about Demps being ready to go for the game this weekend. This is good news for Florida because Demps is essentially the only positive thing for the Gators' offense. I suppose you can count Trey Burton's five touchdown effort against Kentucky, but I remind you that his effort came against Kentucky.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Significant. Without Demps, I don't see how Florida can score enough (read: at all) to keep Alabama from covering.
A.J. Green admits wailing and gnashing of teeth over his suspension
Green said "he lost sleep" over his absence damaging Georgia's 2010 season. A.J., of course, is being much too hard on himself. The real blame lies with Mark Richt WHO IS GOING TO GET FIRED FOR THOSE FAILURES. And there's the defense. And offensive line. And one out of every 8.5 Bulldogs getting arrested this year.
INFLUENCE ON BET: There's no way A.J. Green can make things worse. OR WILL MARK RICHT FIND A WAY TO MAKE HIM WORSE? But seriously, Dan Hawkins is coaching Colorado. No one is taking Colorado.
The Ole Miss offense just got exponentially more efficient
I think wishing injury on someone or delighting in an injury is a terrible, abominable practice (unless it was Lee Ziemba's temporary knee injury against State that allowed him to briefly feel the pain of the knee injuries he's inflicted and careers he's ruined; don't worry, he's fine now). That said, and I'm not saying I'm happy about his injury, but the knee injury sustained by Enrique Davis actually helps Ole Miss. By removing the temptation from Houston Nutt of playing Davis over Brandon Bolden, who has clearly shown he is the far superior back, Ole Miss will have its best running back on the field the majority of the time. Hopefully, when Davis comes back in three weeks, Bolden will have entrenched himself atop the DNA of Nutt's depth chart and Davis will be a semi-quality backup.
/waits patiently for disappointment
INFLUENCE ON BET: Until 2011, or maybe 2012, hell, maybe 2013, Ole Miss is a stayaway.
Michigan's Denard Robinson, briefly sidelined from terrorizing Big Ten opponents and the NCAA record book, should return on Saturday
Robinson was diagnosed with a knee bruise after last week's game against Bowling Green, but will likely play this weekend against Indiana. This is good news for Michigan because Robinson is exactly 100.79% of Michigan's offense (roughly).
INFLUENCE ON BET: If one wagers on a Big Ten game, are you required to watch? Because I'd rather not.
Someone from Minnesota was reinstated or something
IT'S MINNESOTA. THEY'RE GOING TO LOSE.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Never.