To let you have a glimpse into how simple my mind is, today's countdown was inspired by watching highlights of the Patriots' preseason game last night. While watching...wait, what? Oh, yeah. Hold on.
NOW WE'RE READY. Anyway, I saw a brief shot of former Ole Miss running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis, who plays for the Patriots. You may remember BenJarvus as the guy who transferred from a shitty team (Indiana) to a an even shittier team in Ole Miss skippered by the Shrimp Boat Captain. BenJarvus was among a handful of players with talent trapped in a program that would win three conference games in three years (and a spectacular 0-8 season in 2007). However, what was truly frustrating was that he had no real nickname (at least among the fans). Part of that could be contributed to the fact he already had four names and BenJarvus was an AWESOME name. It wasn't until he got to New England that he received an equally fantastic nickname, The Firm, which was based on his collection of names. I was outraged no one thought of this while he was at Ole Miss because it deprived us of two years of liberal use of The Firm.
So (let's see if we can't bring this thing back around), when I saw him last night, I wanted to know if other players in the SEC had names that could hold up in other professions or areas of entertainment. After an exhaustive (not really) search of SEC rosters, here are six guys inspired by The Firm.
(To bring this back to the number six, BenJavus wore number six at Ole Miss. I'm pretty sure I just used Michael Scott logic.).
Marc Deas, Georgia
"At Marc Deas, you can experience the finest churrascaria Atlanta has to offer."
The Financial Planner
E.J. Fields, Kentucky
"E.J. Fields is dedicated to securing your financial future. Call now and one of our representatives will be happy to discuss a financial plan for you."
The Ad Agency
Solomon Patton, Florida
"Smart, Bold, Fearless"
Ben Benedetto, Ole Miss
"And now, here's Ben Benedetto with Channel 3's first alert weekend forecast."
"If you're gonna be outside this weekend, take it easy because it's gonna be hot. Highs on Saturday topping out around 97 and more of the same on Sunday. The good news? No rain in sight, and maybe a few clouds on Sunday to help get that temperature down a hair."
(begins forced, awkward banter with news anchor while standing 20 feet away in the weather center)
The TV Show
Duke Lemmens, Florida
"Friday night on CBS, at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, it's an all-new Duke Lemmens, followed by an all-new Ghost Whisperer. CBS, America's most-watched network."
Eltoro Freeman, Auburn
"CD release party for the new album Splashes of Hate. Doors open at 7, music starts at 9."