Friday, July 09, 2010

Friday Links of Minor to Average Importance

At least Cleveland's leading newspaper is taking it well
It's all over now. LeBron, after holding the sports world hostage and giving us a completely unnecessary dose of Stuart Scott, announced that he's moving on to Miami and leaving Antawn Jamison in charge (That should sell some season tickets!). In this whole absurd and dirty process, he managed to:

-Not thank Cleveland's fans
-Stab those fans and organization in the face on a live TV event
-Mention himself in the third person
-Cause an entire country to hate him
-Come off as a Grade A narcissistic asshole (well done, team Lebron, well done)
-Remind everyone how much Jim Gray sucks
-Remind everyone what a giant whore ESPN is

Not mentioned in that list includes fans burning his jersey (and I think it's safe to say more things will eventually get burned), police forming a barrier around the "Witness" poster:

And, most amazingly, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert firing off an angry letter aimed at LeBron, but in the form of reassurance for Cleveland fans. The best part of the letter, other than "Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there," was that it was originally posted in a font called Comic Sans, which is perfect if your child needs make signs for a lemonade stand, a Vacation Bible School poster or the simulate writing on a computer in crayon. It does not say "I'm angry," but it does say "I once was in the fourth grade."  Since last night, the Cavs' people with computer skills have replaced the font with Times New Roman, which I believe is the default font for every computer in the world, meaning Gilbert consciously made the choice to use Comic Sans or it is his default font, which is even more outstanding.

I don't think the good people of Cleveland are finished just yet.  In the words of every ESPN commentator/reporter, my sources tell me there will be more public displays of anger, perhaps even rioting, but my gut says we've seen the end.  Now, sit back while I rattle off every other scenario in a complete cover my ass move...

So it's not just Lane Kiffin
Tennessee football players will break the law no matter the captain of the ship.  It was your basic Thursday night trip to the bar that brought about bar stool swinging and throwing, an unconscious, off-duty police officer lying in the street and multiple players "beating the tar out of this one" gentleman.  In other words, the Double Deuce came to Knoxville for one night.  Although, no reports on a particular bouncer/cooler cleaning house have surfaced.  Or if the Jeff Healey Band was in the house.

To further aid Derek Dooley's raging anger, the owner of the bar mentioned that the Tennessee players are "on a first-name basis with my husband (and co-owner), and they get VIP status, which means they pay no cover at the door."  I'm no expert on NCAA violations (although as an Ole Miss fan dating back to the Brewer era, I should be), but I'm pretty sure there's something in their giant book of rules about receiving free things.  And as I understand it, the NCAA does not like that.  Nor do they like fun, sunshine and puppies, but that's for another time.  So, Derek Dooley, let this be your official welcome to the SEC, land of cheaters, brawlers and up-to-no-gooders.

1 comment:

  1. Brian3:25 PM

    The whole Lebron fiasco made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Whoever/if anyone was giving advice to Lebron about his future and P.R. should be asked to never say anything again. I actually liked Lebron until these last few weeks. And dang it, I'm not even a Cleveland fan, but he could have cemented his legacy, his you name it...if he had stayed in Cleveland...taken less money and brought in more people.

    Heck even if he had thanked Cleveland on the way out it would have been a little more kind.

    Let's Go HAWKS! Overpaying for Joe Johnson...there is some loyalty I can respect. Beat the crap out of the heat.