Wednesday, July 21, 2010

All You Need to Know From Day One of SEC Media Days

For those of you who missed it, unaware that it occurred (and what a terrible fan you are), or had anything better to do, here's some of the notable action that took place today in Hoover.

First, a faceless representative from the BCS (note:  not sure if he actually did not have a face, but we know he has no soul) spoke about the merits and effectiveness of the BCS.  Interestingly enough, the Internet was not working during this time (I believe it was out in just the ballroom of the Wynfrey Hotel, but it could have been THE ENTIRE WORLD.  That's how powerful the BCS is.  And no, we're never getting a playoff.), so the moronic defense of the BCS could not be recorded and mercilessly destroyed by the rest of the college football world.  Seriously, even the SEC's website does not have a transcript of what was said.

Second, Les Miles won't be taking the stage until Friday, but he did appear on Clay Travis' radio show today and reminded us that he is in fact an idiot.

And finally, your quotes of the day, courtesy of Nick Saban, Dan Mullen, Urban Meyer and Joker Phillips:

Saban
Temporarily confusing the hell out of Alabama fans with his dismissal of last year's accomplishments.  But Coach, my collection of unofficially-licensed championship shirst says that it did happen! 
"One thing I do want to get established here is I want to make sure I'm in the right year. I want to be in the moment here today. Is it 2010? Am I right about that? Because everything I kind of hear has always been about last year. So I'm going to make sure that we're going to talk about this year relative to our team."
And then there was this point which involved an elaborate cooking analogy:
"Look, if we had all the same ingredients coming back, all the same ingredients, I watched a cooking show the other day with a guy on TV showing you how to cook. Let me just say, I put all the same ingredients in my pot as he put in his, and what came out of the oven is not the same as what came out of his oven."
Alabama fans want to know what cooking show it was so that they may watch it with religious zealot-like dedication in order to feel a connection with Saban.  Because nothing makes a better conversation starter than dropping a "So, what'd you think of the latest No Reservations" as Saban scribbles his autograph on a plastic football mini-helmet.

And finally, he continues his assault on agents and their general sliminess:
"I hate to say this, but how are they any better than a pimp? I have no respect for people who do that to young people, none. I mean, none. How would you feel if they did it to your child?"
If Saban and Meyer form an alliance that sets out to destroy agents in college football, run and hide, agents. You are no match for death stares, fiery stomach acid and fire-inducing laser beams from the eyes.

Mullen
When asked how he responds to recruiting questions about how the spread offense might hurt a player's chances of making it in the NFL (in the question, the reporter mentioned Saban has called it a "drawback" in preparing players for the NFL):
"I'm not going to knock him. I don't know his personal record. I've coached the spread offense and I have a lot of more first-round quarterbacks drafted than he has in his career as a head coach. Develop them for the NFL, I don't know. In the last six years, I've had two of mine get drafted in the first round."
To steal a line from Patrick Roy (that's right, a rare NHL reference around here), I'm not sure Saban could hear him since he had his national championship rings in his ears. At one point in his coaching career, I enjoyed Dan Mullen. Clearly a better coach and much more interesting than Sly Croom, but unfortunately Mullen has shown himself to be a total schmuck. You know who says shit like this? Lane Kiffin. Find more answers that don't remind us of Kiffin or start winning 10 games a year, in which case you'll have the right to schmuck around.

Meyer
On controlling agents and their "runners," guys that make the player contact for them:
"You got to be clear about it. You can't. For a coach to figure out who a runner is at a nightclub at 2:30 in the morning, I've been asleep for four hours."
LIAR! WE KNOW YOU DON'T SLEEP!

Steve Spurrier may not believe in Stephen Garcia, but Urban Meyer does:
"Yeah, I see some unproven quarterbacks taking over programs. South Carolina obviously has the advantage of having a guy, a returning starter back, I think it's his third year playing. So I see a lot of parity."
Well, not exactly a ringing endorsement, but at least he thinks Garcia won't be so awful they can't keep up with everyone else.

Phillips
"When I took over, I introduced to our players what I call Operation Win."
What?


Uh...
"Operation Win is in full effect."






Let's hope Joker Phillips knows more about football than signage.

And finally, he breaks down the hiring of former Tennessee quarterback Tee Martin as his receivers coach:
"The number one thing is he understands Facebook, which a bunch of us don't understand it. I understand it a little bit, but he understands Facebook."
And that's all a receivers coach really needs to know. Well, that and how to handle cash payments.

3 comments:

  1. Les Miles sounded just like this other paragon of public speech:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

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  2. In his defense, he did not say "The Louisiana" or the Gulf countries.

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  3. You know, I actually take that comment back. At least Miss Teen South Carolina had a large enough vocabulary to fill her minute length abuse of English with words.

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