Monday, June 14, 2010

What Didn't Happen Over the Weekend Headlines

Expansion talk calms the hell down; relaxes by the pool with its drink of choice.
While Texas continues to figure out what it really wants to do (and Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech wait for Texas to tell them what to do), it appears as though an internal battle between men with large hats is taking place at Texas A&M over whether the school should join the Pac-10 or SEC. One group wants to follow Texas and the other Big 12 schools to the Pac-10 and the other prefers a future in the SEC. The Houston Chronicle is reporting that A&M will join the SEC, but allegedly the decision has not been decreed to be law by anyone with the authority to do so. I'm hoping the closed-door meetings will begin with civil discussions, eventually turning to insults being hurled and finalized with a lasso contest. Or sheep shearing. And by the way, if you're keeping score at home, Texas A&M would give the SEC West (assuming they'll be placed there) four agricultural schools (LSU, Auburn, Mississippi State are the other three).

Missouri rides in on a flaming black stallion to save the day.
In a last-ditch effort to keep itself from falling into a black hole, important people at Missouri met for the fourth time in four days to figure out a way to save the Big 12. The ideas that made it all the way to day four include: a bake sale, wrapping paper sales, buying Texas a really nice watch and doing everyone's laundry for the next two years. They've yet to hear back from anyone, but just in case Texas lost their number it's 573-882-6501. They'll be up at all hours.

A pair of SEC student-athletes spend their weekends enjoying time at the BSU.
Arkansas' Van Stumon and Florida's Frankie Hammond Jr. (who might have a future in Disney movies with a name like that) got their drankin' and drivin' on (and in Hammond's case got his underage version on) during their respective quests to not be bored during summer school. While I'm sure we can all understand the need to fill the boring times in college (I HATE EVERYONE IN COLLEGE, YOU LUCKY BASTARDS) with stupidity, we all know it's best to find those activities that do not lead to nights or hours spent in a local detention center. I recommend laying/lying (I refuse to learn that rule) on the couch, moving to the recliner when that gets old and periodically checking the fridge to see if anyone has magically put some food in there. Dammit, I miss college.

England thrashes America in World Cup opener; celebrates by swapping extremely dry jokes.
A win by the United States was probably a little too much for which to ask (although we had our chances to win), but a tie was certainly achievable and the team delivered one. Things got a little shaky in the second half when England remembered it had a gear we don't have, but our guys held it together and got a huge point. Now if the defense can figure out how to not create a hurricane-like shitstorm made up of poor communication and marking in the back, wins should happen against Algeria and Slovenia, which would get us into the round of 16. Most likely we would face Germany, and in a one-game format anything can happen. Including Germany running like a Jim Delany buzzsaw through Dan Beebe's Big 12 as they did to Australia on Sunday.

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