Monday, June 21, 2010

Since We Last Met

Not only is this late, it's something different, which could confuse and disorient if stared at for too long. Moving on to the news since Friday...

The United States now has a beef with Mali

The West African nation now finds itself on the shitlist of a handful (albeit a large handful) of Americans who are invested in the World Cup, all thanks to referee Koman Coulibaly's mysterious foul call on the US team, which wiped out the go-ahead goal in Friday's game against Slovenia. Coulibably whistled an American player for, well, we still don't know because FIFA does not require its officials to explain their foul calls during the game or in their report after the game. This, of course, is completely outrageous to Americans, as we always demand to know the exact root of the problem so we can form task forces, boards and committees to investigate the problem and produce nine-point outlines on how to keep this from happening again so people will actually feel as if something like this can never happen again.

Of course, the easy way around all of this controversy would have been for the US team to show up in the first half. Yet another slow start followed by yet another early deficit. It's no secret that our back line is a roaring train wreck, but it would be nice to force the other team to make a great play in the face of mediocre defense instead of poor to non-existent defense. Just a thought. But despite all of the controversy and Big 12-like defense, if we (that's right, WE; IT'S INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION SO WE'RE ALL A PART OF THIS) beat Algeria on Friday, we move on to the round of 16.

Nick Saban toured the Gulf Coast; did not visit the FloraBama
And that's a shame. What a great bar. However, he did visit areas in Louisiana and Alabama impacted by the oil spill that continues to ruin everyone's summer and life. Offering encouragement and condolences, Saban spent some time with people directly affected by the spill, during which time he was no doubt repeatedly told two things: One, Les Miles is an idiot. And two, we have no doubt that if BP offered you enough money, you could have this well problem solved and the crap cleaned up within the month.

If BP ever has another shareholder's meeting or board of directors type meeting before the state of Louisiana assumes rightful control of the company, perhaps they might hire Saban to address them. His speech might go something like the first 20-25 seconds of this:

French soccer team continues the country's tradition of wilting in the face of a trial of any kind.
Yes, I realize this is the second mention of soccer here, but anytime a misfortune for France takes place, IT MUST BE DISCUSSED AND THOROUGHLY DELIGHTED UPON. For those unfamiliar with French soccer in recent months, a brief rundown:

-Team qualifies for the World Cup on a goal scored as a direct result of an intentional handball. So they cheated to qualify.
-Their coach is largely viewed as a complete and utter moron.
-Their coach is thought to be so incompetent, he was told that he would no longer be coaching the team once France's time at the World Cup is over. Why they are willing to wait until after makes little to no sense.
-A player was dismissed from the team after cursing at said coach during halftime of the debacle against Mexico (2-0 loss for France).
-Team is angered, captain gets into an argument with fitness coach and then team refuses to train/practice.

So, South Africa, if you are going to win a game in the World Cup, this is your time. Very few events can take place that make 99.9999999% of the world happy, but you beating France would be one of them.

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