Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Get to Know Your SEC Football Players

It's Wednesday, which means it's time to get to know a little bit more (or just anything at all) about one of the Southeastern Conference's football players. Now when this player succeeds, massively fails or is shown milling around in the background of a TV shot, you'll know that his greatest off-the-field accomplishment involves the sale and transportation of hobos. Or something like that.

The team of the player selected is chosen through a super-secret process which I cannot reveal, however, the number of the player is randomly chosen by visiting www.random.org and using whatever number is spat out from its random-creating machine.

Today's number: 35
Today's team: Vanderbilt

Before we even get started, I'd like to go on record as saying the Vanderbilt football website is about as efficient and user-friendly as the Vanderbilt offense, circa forever. I suppose all of their smart and web-savvy people aren't allowed anywhere near the football offices for fear of acquiring failure by osmosis (this also might explain why no one goes to Vandy games; or perhaps it's just that they're terrible). So anyway, who knows if these guys (yes, guys; once again multiple people have the same number) still wear the number, but here are this week's players:

Some background information: First, my apologies to the families of Reece and Walt, as their relatives will not be featured here this week (or probably ever). I know the chances of them ever finding this are actually below zero, but should it appear in a Google images search for "whitewash" know that they were not selected because I found more information on Blake.

And speaking of Blake, he spent all of 2009 redshirting and destroying the Vanderbilt offense in practice while being a key member of the Commodore scout team defense. If his last name sounds familiar, his brother, Brannan, played fullback at Georgie for at least nine years. And that concludes all pertinent background information on Blake.

Greatest on-field accomplishment: Has not occurred.

Greatest off-the-field accomplishment: Acquiring a scholarship to Vanderbilt to play football. Also, according to his Vanderbilt profile (not sure on the accuracy of this), on the scout team field he "displayed excellent knowledge on position responsibilities and was solid in the weight room."

Way(s) in which he has embarrassed himself, his family, team and school: He's a walker of the straight and narrow.

Strengths: He has enough talent and skills to receive a Division-I scholarship.

Weaknesses: He only has enough talent and skills to receive a Division-I scholarship to Vanderbilt.

What to expect in 2010: Most likely you'll see Blake standing around on the sidelines, standing near group defensive huddles on the sidelines and potentially standing on the field while playing special teams. If you hear Blake's name during the course of a game and Vandy is on defense, it means three things could be happening: One, Vandy is getting blown out (most likely). Two, Vandy is doing the blowing out (highly unlikely). And three, if starting middle linebacker Chris Marve is injured, in which case Vandy is or soon will be getting blown out (for the Commodores' sake, I hope not). Or he could pull a Jay Culter and get highly intoxicated, break things on campus, resist arrest and then assume for the rest of his life that he is far more important than he actually is.

1 comment:

  1. Pless9:06 AM

    Walt was a camper out Alpine. I remember him.

    As a 6th grader, he was the most athletic member of his age group. He was the one who grew first.