Thursday, February 18, 2010

Well Played, February, Well Played

A cold and crafty adversary this month has become. I put things around here on autopilot for a few days assuming that this February (like every other February ever) would be filled with lots of nothing. Sure, there would be some Olympic banter and John Kruk's portly self would become more visible as baseball people attempted to drum up interest over pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training, but I had hundreds of years of Februaries that clearly showed nothing of importance would happen. It's the single worst month of the year. Football withdrawals are in full force, it's cold, college basketball has fallen into a rut (and has generally been not very fun to watch across the board this year), it's cold, the NBA has at least two more months before it gets interesting and it's cold. There's a a reason this bastard only has 28 days. Even those who set up the calendar knew better than to give it equal footing as the other months.

Then, after hundreds of years of sleep, February decided on Tuesday night it's time to burn everything down and give July a challenge for 11th place in the month pecking order. Since Tuesday, the following has happened:
  • Mississippi State fans began texting and calling Kentucky forward DeMarcus Cousins' cell phone, offering all sorts of pleasantries, like racial and gay slurs.
  • Mississippi State nearly beats Kentucky in a game plagued by what could generously be described as piss poor officiating (I know, hard to believe that would happen in the SEC).
  • Mississippi State fans declared war on their home floor at the end of the game, throwing water bottle and plastic cups on it. Not sure why they hated that floor so much, but something it did upset them.
  • The national media reigns down condemnations and finger wags in the direction of State fans for their Palestinian-like assault on said floor.
  • Men who prance around an ice skating rink in tight, sequined clothes started talking smack to one another, and did so without any slaps or wild gesturing. Yet.
  • Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett broke his foot when he firmly planted it on the ass of defensive coordinator Garrick McGee, hoping to drive home the point that if the Razorbacks get any defense they might win 10 games in 2010.
  • Oregon running back LaMichael James, carrying on an Oregon tradition of fighting, found himself in jail after a domestic violence incident.
  • Vanderbilt recruit Rajaan Bennett was murdered by a selfish asshole.
  • The Ole Miss basketball team put forth one last uninspired and emotionally dead effort, losing to Vanderbilt in Oxford and semi-officially ending any shot of making the NCAA Tournament. Can't wait to see what they bring to the table on Saturday against Florida in what will surely be a half-filled Tad Smith Coliseum.
  • Tiger Woods plans to give the always exciting and genuine prepared statement on Friday morning after a few months of silence. He will take no questions and might break the Internet as 400% of those working in offices across America will attempt to watch the online streaming video.
I'm not sure if it's safe to assume this raging inferno of activity has begun to die out (although we now know not to turn our backs on February for at least a few more years), but the good news is that The Belly of the Beast is resuming daily operations in order to continue to serve you the reader. The headquarters is still in the process of being moved, but it should not cause any further work stoppages. Unless the workers unionize, in which case work will stop but only to give me time to destroy the masses.

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