Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Get to Know Your SEC Football Players

It's Wednesday, which means it's time to get to know a little bit more (or just anything at all) about one of the Southeastern Conference's football players. Now when this player succeeds, massively fails or is shown milling around in the background of a TV shot, you'll know that his greatest off-the-field accomplishment involves the sale and transportation of hobos. Or something like that.

The team of the player selected is chosen through a super-secret process which I cannot reveal, however, the number of the player is randomly chosen by visiting and using whatever number is spat out from its random-creating machine.

Today's number: 55
Today's team: Georgia

#55 Josh Parrish, OL, Georgia

Some background information: Yet another walk-on selected in this series, but unlike previously selected below-average collegiate athletes, this one is somewhat interesting. As you can see from the picture above, Josh, just 19 years of age, has already spent some time in the clink. While he has yet to contribute to the Georgia football team, he has contributed to the Athens-Clarke County Police Department's "More Drunk People in Jail" tally, which should get them some extra government money and a framed certificate if they keep up the pace.

Some other items of note: He's a redshirt sophomore, member of the scout team and a business major, as all good walk-ons should be.

Greatest on-field accomplishment: Has not occurred.

Greatest off-the-field accomplishment: In the 2009 summer session, Josh made the Athletic Director's honor roll and the dean's list (and you thought I was going to say more about his arrest...well, I am, but not now). My only problem with this is that clearly Josh put way too much time into his studies and not being as lazy as humanly possible in the summer. Summer school is not a time to excel academically, it's a time to not get a summer job, lay around the pool, play golf and briefly consider how awful life is going to be when you can no longer do these things (I HATE EVERYONE IN COLLEGE RIGHT NOW) before taking a nap for that evening's activities. Georgia may congratulate you, Josh, but I say time and energy wasted.

Way(s) in which he has embarrassed himself, his family, team and school: Here comes more on the arrest. A young woman, who should have been minding her own business, called police at 1:19 AM on April 11th when she found young Joshua passed out on the second level of the East Village parking deck. Yes, the second level of a parking deck. An excellent choice for a place to pass out. While there was the potential of getting backed over or just run over by a car, he protected himself from the elements.

When the police arrived, Josh was unresponsive and reeked of Mad Dog 20/20 or Steel Reserve (I'm guessing on the booze). Police then looked through his wallet to identify him and found that he had two licenses, one from Georgia and one from Florida. No big deal except that he's not from Florida and it was fake. So Josh earned himself a trip to the hospital, where they tried to make him less drunk, then on to the Clarke County Jail where he was booked for possessing a fake ID and underage possession of alcohol.

I'm a little disappointed there wasn't vomit, cursing and tasers involved, but a parking garage is still a solid backdrop.

Strengths: Resourcefulness.

Weaknesses: Division I athletic talent, tolerance, decision-making, indefinite suspension from the Georgia football team and bad friends who didn't bother to keep up with him or at least drag him inside the building or a car.

What to expect in 2010: Not very much. Most likely, Josh won't be around to see the start of the 2010, even from the scout team. But just maybe if he sticks it out, works hard, does everything asked of him, the coach replacing Mark Richt in 2011 will give him a shot at more scout team glory.

(NOTE:  This is a very important, not-so-urgent or web-surfing-routine-changing administrative note, but yours truly will be out of commission the next two days traveling to an undisclosed location where undisclosed events will occur.  So in essence, almost nothing will be missing here since the odds of me posting twice in those two days would have been less than zero percent.  So, again, in essence, I have done nothing more here than waste twenty seconds of your time as you read this.  For that, I am not sorry.)

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