Monday, March 08, 2010

What Didn't Happen Over the Weekend

So many things happened that it's almost impossible to adequately discuss them in a non-lengthy manner.
If there was an award for "Worst Weekend of 2010," March 5-7 would be our clubhouse leader right now. By at least eight strokes. Sure there were a plethora of college basketball games to consume, but most of them really didn't mean anything in terms of conference standings and just a handful featured teams trying to find a way to stay alive in the NCAA Tournament picture. One of those, and the one that I cared about, involved Ole Miss and its unbelievable ability to suck me back into hoping. The Rebels trailed Arkansas for just over 39 minutes before Chris Warren hit a three to give them the lead for good. To Chris Warren (scored 31 points) I say thank you, good sir, for giving a crap on Saturday and keeping the NCAA pulse from flatlining. To the Ole Miss team as a whole I say, STOP DOING THE SAME THING EVERY YEAR. JUST ONCE CAN WE SECURE AN NCAA BIRTH BEFORE THE LAST WEEK OF THE SEASON.

And kudos to fellow bubble teams Florida and Mississippi State for their losses. Florida battled Kentucky before eventually falling short while the Bulldogs elected not to show up at all against Tennessee (trailing at one point 17-0). Both of you added even more fuel to my hope that Ole Miss can make the Tournament, and at the same time increased the degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth that will occur when the Rebels lose to Tennessee in a brutal fashion in the SEC Tournament on Friday. So at this time I'd like to thank both of you and tell to go to hell.

The Academy Awards show grinds America to a halt.
There's nothing like pretentiousness oozing out of your television, especially when it's generated by a massive collection of high school drop-outs and those who have no education past high school. Now, of course I appreciate the talent possessed by many of these most important people of our time because I DEMAND ENTERTAINMENT AT ALL TIMES, but watching them socially interact, zombie-stare into a camera while attempting to read a teleprompter, laugh at jokes they don't get and pretend they aren't outraged when they don't win is almost impossible to do. If they aren't performing their craft (a great pretentious word), they cannot be watched. It's like watching a three hour interview with athletes. Except 98% of the people are white and have nothing interesting to say.

Taco Bell gives America another fine fast food option.
Behold, the Pacific Shrimp taco:

After some research (consisting of four seconds of using Google), I found that Taco Bell actually introduced this beauty last fall, but I just saw the first commercial for it last night, making it brand-new to me. Do I want one? You know it. Will I immediately regret that decision? Absolutely. But the allure of DELICIOUSNESS OFFSETS THE ACCOMPANYING FLAMING HOT DIARRHEA. It might even punch a hole in my colon but I don't care. I love Taco Bell and will sacrifice my body for the enjoyment of it. So there, now you know just how disgusting I am. I acknowledge that you're silently judging me right now, but in the good name of Pacific Shrimp tacos I will forgive you.

Allen Iverson continues to ke....
This post has been prematurely ended for a special trip to Taco Bell. After a possible brief stay in a local hospital, activities will resume.

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