Weekend Picks

Before I get to the picks, a few other items of note...

-What's grosser than gross? This or this?

-ESPN has lost its damn mind. They're going to let, nay, appoint Chris Berman to interview Barack Obama and John McCain at halftime of the upcoming Monday night game. The guy who's the master of "uhs" and "ahs" while doing highlights, horrible nicknames, the same crappy shtick, and the used car salesman-like short-sleeve dress shirt will be interviewing the men running for President of the United States. Seriously. Chris freaking Berman. I can't even express how outrageous this is. I don't really want to see either one of these guys interviewed at halftime of a football game, but I sure as hell at least want a competent individual conducting the interview. Like one who won't do something like this:

Berman: "Senator John 'We McCain Win This Election.' I haven't seen you since the days at the old Polo Grounds when the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS played there. Ha! Just pulling your leg. How are you, sir?

McCain: "Ah, well, ah, Chris, I'm doing just fine. It's great to be here in front of my fellow Americans, watching America's favorite game on the night before what I hope is a great victory for our country and the Republican party."

Berman: "Eh, uh, ah so you're feeling good about tomorrow?"

McCain: "Chris, let me tell you, I have complete confidence in the American people that tomorrow, they will make what they believe is the right choice by electing me to be their next President. And we're looking forward to it."

Berman: "Well, best of luck Senator. Godspeed. We wish you well. And maybe you'll get to spend the next four years watching these Redskins play."

(Joint forced laughter)

That was horrible just to write. Let's move on (I had one for Obama too, but reading two of those would have been awful for you. That and I had a hard time coming up with a Berman nickname for him. Barack 'Oooo-bama We're Going to Win This Election' was the best I could do.).

Oh, and here's a reminder what a bitch Chris Berman is (language warning).

As for the picks, they were made while pondering which "I didn't try to kill myself" story was less believable, Isiah Thomas' or Terrell Owens'.....

Last Week: 6-1
Season: 42-10

Auburn at Ole Miss
Ole Miss' SEC road record: 2-1. SEC home record: 0-2. If the Rebels want to go bowling outside of Memphis, they've got to close out with two conference wins at home (Auburn and State). An interesting story this week was Ole Miss fullback Jason Cook calling out the Ole Miss fans and basically telling them they suck (my word, not his). While I agree with Cook that Ole Miss fans are awful, Cook and the rest of team should probably be more focused on why they turn into teenage girls and can't beat or put away teams they're better than (SC, Vandy, and Arkansas). Get some mental toughness and a killer instinct and you'll see what happens in the stands. Even crappy fans can recognize and appreciate watching a team with both of those.

As for this game, Auburn is about as dead in the water as a team can be. Ole Miss should win and, if they play like they're capable of, win by double digits. But who knows if the Rebels will fold like a wet sack when the first thing goes wrong or they get scared, like they love to do.

Tulsa at Arkansas
Gus Malzahn returns to Arkansas to exact reven.....nevermind. But I'm sure sportswriters across America would love to see him destroy Bobby Petrino. Look for Tulsa to light up Arkansas, even though the Hogs may not throw a pass, just to keep the clock running. For the record, if Ole Miss does make a bowl and that bowl is the Liberty Bowl, Tulsa will do the same thing to us.

Kentucky at Mississippi State
I can't think of anything remotely interesting to write about this game. Nothing. I guess it's worth noting that if Kentucky wins, and I say they will, the Wildcats become bowl eligible. Anything else?





I think that's about it.

Arkansas State at Alabama
My attempt to predict John Parker Wilson's stat line:
8 of 17, 118 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT. We'll see how that turns out.

Florida at Georgia
A few years ago, both schools wanted people to stop calling this game the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party because they felt like it accepted or promoted massive alcohol consumption. I have no idea what they're talking about.....

(the last thirty seconds are where the gold is)

Both offenses come into this game clicking, while only one defense appears to be working. I don't think Georgia has enough defense to stop Florida. LSU turned it over three times and still hit Georgia up for 38 points. Unless Florida turns it over, I don't see them getting much less than that. And Florida, since the Ole Miss loss, has outscored three teams 152-33. No, that is not Alabama's combined scores against David Cutcliffe teams in Tuscaloosa, but really what Florida has done to Arkansas, LSU, and Kentucky. I think Florida is putting it together at the right time for a push to Atlanta. I'm taking them here. They're so hot right now!!!

Tennessee at South Carolina
Do you think Steve Spurrier is going to take any satisfaction in driving the final stake into Phil Fulmer's undead heart? Yeah, me too.

Tulane at LSU
How about some classic Les Miles....