Last week, we took a look at the battle of the back tats between likely starting quarterbacks AJ McCarron of Alabama and Tyler Bray of Tennessee (barring a face tat from either one of them). McCarron's "The Crest" soundly defeated Bray's "Jazz Stars" by a score of 5-1. However, now things have changed. What was once assumed to be a medium-sized back tat on McCarron is, in fact, the rarely seen, even on the sugar sand beaches of the Redneck Riviera, STERNUM-ONLY TATTOO.
McCarron didn't wait for Bray to see any cards. He stood up, shoved his pile of chips in, and splashed the hell out of the pot. Unless Bray has a pair of pocket aces in the form of a Neyland Stadium neon scoreboard flashing the "Jazz Stars" looking over him in full uniform throwing a touchdown pass in the direction of his armpit (all fingers are crossed), McCarron squashed any chance Bray has to get back in this battle.
The only change to this battle that needs to be made is that McCarron's tattoo will no longer be called "The Crest." Its new name is "The Shield" or whatever the Latin phrase for "Between the Nipples" is (my best guess is "Inter Papilla," which is also McCarron's new nickname). And the score is now one million to nothing in favor of AJ McCarron.
/dreams of Stephen Garcia finding his way into a tattoo parlor
/envisions McConaughey's face being tattooed on Garcia's face
/wipes away a single tear