Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Ditka versus Orgeron

This week a new feature is presented on the Belly of the Beast. Each week we're going to try to match up Ed Orgeron against someone or something and basically give a tale of the tape to determine if, in fact, Coach O is indestructible (physically that is, we already know the rest of the SEC has done a pretty good job of destroying him on the football field).

Our first feature bout pits Coach O against a legend, none other than former Bears coach Mike Ditka. Now according to the guys on Saturday Night Live, Ditka is pretty much unbeatable. He once took down a hurricane named Ditka and only lost to God by a field goal. It sounds like a tall order for the shrimp boat captain, alligator wrestler, and bare knuckle fighter. Let's go to the tale of the tape:

Mike Ditka

Height: 6'3"
228 lbs. in his playing days. Now? We'll call it 240.
Strengths: Intensity, ultra-competitive, former pro football player.
Weaknesses: Once traded 31 draft picks for Ricky Williams. Once traded for Heath Shuler. Once started Kerry Collins. Once started both Billy Joe Tolliver and Billy Joe Hobert.
Intangibles: Won a Super Bowl with Jim McMahon at quarterback. Suffered a heart attack in 1987 but just assumed it was a painful hiccup.

Ed Orgeron

Height: 6'1"-ish
Weight: 220-ish
Strengths: Hmmmm.....let's see. The aforementioned alligator wrestling and bare knuckle fighting. He also is good at headbutting people and if need be, he could probably unhinge his jaw and eat someone. And even though they're implied in all those things, let's add intensity, rage, and hate.
Weaknesses: Coaching football and getting players that meet admissions requirements on campus.
Intangibles: I think alligator wrestling pretty much covers all the bases here.

The Result:
This is a tough one. Ditka's victory over a hurricane is pretty impressive as well as taking God to the wire. But in the end, there's no way Ditka could remotely hang with Ed Orgeron. I mean, this is a man that throws furniture through hotel walls and challenges an entire football team to a fight. And he drives a HUMMER!!!! After Coach O got through with Ditka, Dikta would look like a bloody human pretzel.

1 comment:

  1. Coach O is a good Christian man who loves his players and is intensely competitive.