Get to Know Your SEC Football Players: Bobby Ingalls Edition

It's July, it's hot, and other than grown men obsessing over the next two times Derek Jeter will hit a baseball safely, not very much is going on right now.  However, to prevent your brain from entering a complete state of mush, we begin our annual offseason educational process of learning about the players who we both curse and praise during football season.  

Through this weekly, perhaps more if things get REALLY boring this summer, get-to-know-you format, it is my hope that you learn a little something about the player in this spot so that you may properly identify him as he destroys your team's chances to win a game with either a great or WHATTHEHELLAREYOUDOING play, is arrested, or is simply milling around in the background of shots of the sidelines.

Selection of players and teams is done through a super-secret formula that consists of I'm in charge, will do as I please, and mind your own business.  At the very least, I will not choose a team twice until all teams have been represented.


#67 Bobby Ingalls, OL, Auburn

Some background information
Currently, the Internet has no picture to offer of Bobby Ingalls, so, in its place, I submit a screen shot of his hometown of Gardendale, Alabama (one of the many "-dales" on your way up I-65) in relation to Birmingham. According to this, Bobby comes to Auburn by way of transfer from Lambuth University, which recently decided to close (HOW POOR OF THEM), in Jackson, Tennessee.

Small aside that will violently take us off point here: I have attended a football game at Lambuth University. A good friend of mine played quarterback at a small college in Lambuth's division/conference/can't remember, so myself and a few friends drove up from Oxford on an Ole Miss off-week to watch him play.

I remember three things from this game: 1) A player broke Ron Dixon's (of New York Giants' kind-of-fame and Lambuth Hall of Fame) record for longest kickoff return. 2) My friend, as he was about halfway through his throwing motion, being crushed by a Lambuth player, which resulted in an interception during a late comeback attempt. 3) The kicker on my friend's team yelling at the holder after he missed an extra point, which was one of the funniest things I've ever seen at a football game. My friend later told us that the head coach tried to unhinge his jaw and eat the kicker for such a display.

Greatest on-field accomplishment
There were only three posts on that Lambuth message board, so this is gonna stay somewhat blank.

Strengths
At 6'7" and 331 pounds, Bobby makes a for a massive figure.  Whether he has any type of quickness or not, I do not know, but, that type of frame adds a few milliseconds to the time a defensive end needs to run around him.

Weaknesses
Lambuth University straight out of high school, which has me nearly convinced those feet don't move like they need to move.  Also, lack of a picture.

Based on 10 seconds of me looking at his picture, what is his favorite song, movie, TV show, or piece of literature

I'm sure they're related.

Where to look for him in 2011
According to this and this, he'll be getting some backup work at both the tackle spots, but primarily, he's in the mix for the backup left tackle spot. So, barring injuries, look for him standing around the offensive lineman's huddle on the sidelines.

Coach Chizik, any final thoughts?

"I think my chin may be losing some of its sharpness. Trooper, go get my grinder."

Dan Mullen Would Like to Beat You Senseless With a Cowbell

However, he's willing to forgo that beating if you just buy tickets.  But, Gray, season tickets are sold out.  What now?  Well, I suggest you get ready to take your beating.  It appears the only last effects from such a beating are concussion, memory loss, mental and emotional distress and anguish, depression, paranoia, anxiety, loss of enjoyment of life and inability to pursue prior educational and professional goals.

The good news is that at least you won't remember most of it.

Wait, hold on.  What's that?  I should continue reading the article about season tickets being sold out?  Ah, I see.  Yes, there it is.  Three-game packages still remain, and go on sale July 18th.  So, you know, get in line, unless you want stone-faced Dan Mullen beating down your door, followed by you.

Vidya source

AJ McCarron Moves All In On Tyler Bray

Last week, we took a look at the battle of the back tats between likely starting quarterbacks AJ McCarron of Alabama and Tyler Bray of Tennessee (barring a face tat from either one of them).  McCarron's "The Crest" soundly defeated Bray's "Jazz Stars" by a score of 5-1.  However, now things have changed.  What was once assumed to be a medium-sized back tat on McCarron is, in fact, the rarely seen, even on the sugar sand beaches of the Redneck Riviera, STERNUM-ONLY TATTOO.
 
McCarron didn't wait for Bray to see any cards. He stood up, shoved his pile of chips in, and splashed the hell out of the pot. Unless Bray has a pair of pocket aces in the form of a Neyland Stadium neon scoreboard flashing the "Jazz Stars" looking over him in full uniform throwing a touchdown pass in the direction of his armpit (all fingers are crossed), McCarron squashed any chance Bray has to get back in this battle.

The only change to this battle that needs to be made is that McCarron's tattoo will no longer be called "The Crest." Its new name is "The Shield" or whatever the Latin phrase for "Between the Nipples" is (my best guess is "Inter Papilla," which is also McCarron's new nickname). And the score is now one million to nothing in favor of AJ McCarron.

/dreams of Stephen Garcia finding his way into a tattoo parlor
/envisions McConaughey's face being tattooed on Garcia's face
/wipes away a single tear

Such a Silly Question, ESPN

From the NCAA's Things That Will Always Be The Same From Now Until The End Of Time manual:

"Clemson (or Clemson University) shall not win fewer than six games and no more than nine games during a football season, no matter how prolific its offense or defense, nor the amount of preseason hype it receives every year.

To ensure such a law perseveres, a Tommy Bowden or a Dabo Swinney shall always remain in the position of head football coach."

Happy Fourth of July

There's no better way to celebrate America than turning things over to Lee Greenwood at the Grand Ole Opry, while wearing an American flag black leather jacket he stole from Gene Chizik's closet.

GET YOUR ASSES UP AND SING ALONG.



Need something a little more emotional?  Try some classic Greenwood.



/runs through brick wall
/waves imaginary 15-foot American flag
/gets bald eagle tattoo across entire back

And finally, RAW AMERICAN MILITARY AWESOMENESS, shown through a computer simulation, set to Lee Greenwood.



I'm exhausted.  Take us home, Whitney.



Enjoy the long weekend, and remember, those stories about Roman candles blowing up in people's hands are all LIES.