Tuesday, September 16, 2008

From the Weekend That Was

Coming to you from the island nation of St. Kitts, it's an abbreviated version of the weekend recap. Got to watch a few games over the weekend and, most enjoyably, watched the Ohio State/USC game surrounded by Ohio State fans, all of whom were wearing not just jerseys, but the Wal-Mart brand Ohio State jerseys. Getting a first hand look at their souls being broken was possibly the highlight of this trip. Most of them cleared out by halftime, presumably to stare blankly in a mirror for a few hours, but one brave or moronic guy, a face painter, stayed for the whole game, much to the delight of two USC fans who let him know how bad his team stinks. On to the recap....

-Speaking of Ohio State, they're done. I don't want to hear about them ever again until they beat someone not from Ohio or the Big Ten. I don't want to see them ranked, mentioned on TV, or any talk about how they're coming around after Terrell Pryor lights up Indiana. They are done. And if they're ranked to begin next season, voters in those polls should have their houses looted and burned.

-Why does Georgia always have so much trouble against South Carolina? They have superior talent and every year it's a brutal game for them. Coaching perhaps? I'll say it, Mark Richt is not the fantastic coach he's made out to be. Great recruiter and good coach, but when Steve Spurrier with Chris Smelley and the Mediocre All-Stars had every chance to win the game, he's not one of the best coaches in football. I say that not based on this one game, but over the past several years. Just thinking about last year and I immediately remember Vandy and Alabama. Two teams Georgia was better than and had to have Vandy miss a field goal to tie (maybe win, can't remember) at the end of regulation, and needed overtime to beat Alabama. Granted, they won the games, but one break the other way and Georgia was an eight win team with top five talent.

-At first, I thought the Auburn/State game was a turn-back-the-clock night. You know, playing the game with a cow bladder for a ball, nickel cokes, programs for a penny, and men wearing those flat straw hats. Turns out it was a collision of whatever Tony Franklin's offense is called and Sylvester Croom/Woody McCorvey's West Coast attack.

What an absolutely horrible game to watch. Did State backup quarterback Tyson Lee sell dead parakeets to blind children? Because why in the world did he not at least get a few series just to see if something would happen? Everyone with a pulse knew Wesley Carroll was firmly entrenched in neutral (and sometimes reverse). Very confusing.

And kudos to Coach Croom for the worst coaching decision of the young college football season. Fourth and fifteen near midfield, three minutes left, two timeouts left, an offense that HASN'T CONVERTED EVEN A THIRD DOWN ALL NIGHT, and an Auburn offense that is handing out fumbles like Thanksgiving meals at a soup kitchen. What does the coach of the year do? Yeah, how'd that work out?

Everyone should send ESPN/Raycom or whoever (whomever?) a thank you card for not putting the State/Georgia Tech game on TV this week. Croom's West Coast versus Paul Johnson's first year triple option offense. I haven't looked, but it would not surprise me if the over/under was set at 22.

-Anyone go to the Ole Miss game? From what I read, it looked like a lifeless performance. According to the stats, the defense played like they should against a I-AA team (or whatever the stupid new name is). This week's game is pretty much a must win if this team is going to win six games to get to a bowl.

That's it for now. I'll put up my picks on Thursday when I'm back in the USofA.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Picks for the Weekend

Made while watching Mike Teel show the world that he does in fact stink....

Overall record: 8-0

Western Kentucky at Alabama
I was unaware the Hilltoppers were a I-A independent school. I assumed they were in the Sun Belt, which, according to my assumptions, has something close to 23 teams in the conference. The only thing I'll be looking for in this game is to see if John Parker Wilson talked with Rush Probst this week to try to correct his wildly inconsistent performances. My theory is that only the man from Ohatchie knows how to solve Wilson's problems.

Arkansas at Texas
Enough hurricanes already.

Auburn at Mississippi State
If State sticks to the formula of running more than they throw, they'll keep the game close. But the minute they fall behind and decide it's time to let Wes Carroll air it out, we'll see a thirty-plus point loss. Even if they play conservatively, I just don't see how they can get a win, unless Auburn turns it over three or four times. I see an ugly, low-scoring but dominating Auburn win.

Georgia at South Carolina
Tommy Beecher! Chris Smelley! Rotating quarterbacks! Next on CBS! All signs point to Georgia adding to the Beecher/Smelley interception total, but I refuse to count out the Ball Coach when the media and everyone in the state of South Carolina is piling on him and his team. I think this will end up being a pretty close game, but let's be honest, it's Tommy Beecher and Chris Smelley. Georgia wins.

MTSU at Kentucky
Yeah......Kentucky.

North Texas at LSU
I assume North Texas is another Sun Belt team. See what I'm talking about? A conference of 23 teams.

Samford at Ole Miss
Another Baptist school. Finally, a win over a Baptist school.

UAB at Tennessee
Like State fans last week, Tennessee fans will burn the stadium down if the quarterback throws more than the team runs it.

Rice at Vanderbilt
Insert academic joke here, followed by canned announcer laughter. But more importantly, Vandy moves halfway to bowl eligibility in week three. Of course, they won't make a bowl, but it will give announcers a chance to talk about what a great job Bobby Johnson is doing and mention something about the SATs.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

From the Weekend That Was...

Alabama 20, Tulane 6
Welcome back to Earth, Alabama. John Parker Wilson remembered that he is John Parker Wilson and turned in a solid 11 of 23, 73 yard performance. Luckily for Alabama, the Georgia Dome hangover can last another week since the Western Kentucky (cue David Kellum voice...got it...) Hilltoppers!!! come to town on Saturday.

Arkansas 28, Former Directional School 27
Another directional school (or at least one-time directional school) and another fourth quarter rally by the Hogs. Bobby Petrino may be a jerk, but the man has some fourth quarter magic against these schools. No word yet on Petrino's resignation once the SEC schedule gets too tough.

Auburn 27, Southern Miss 13
So long Kodi Burns, we hardly knew ye. I watched the better part of this game and the few times Burns got in, he was horrible. Just horrible. Chris Todd, while not spectacular, didn't do anything stupid and was able to move the offense. If his running backs hadn't fumbled three times, this game would have been a blowout. Does anyone else find it funny that Auburn completely changed its offense and the new offense is probably just as boring to watch as the last one? It's sort of like someone being disgusted with their Ford Taurus and saying, "I need a change. What I need is a Chevy Malibu!"

Florida 26, Miami 3
Thank you Urban Myer for the tack-on field goal with 25 seconds left. There were honest, decent folks out there who needed a miracle cover by the Gators. You excited a group much larger than the Florida fanbase. Kudos to you, good sir.

Georgia 56, Central Michigan 17
Knowshon Moreno cures cancer, loves babies, walks on water, blah, blah, blah.

Kentucky 38, Norfolk State 3
Location for Norfolk State? Anyone?

Wake Forest 30, Ole Miss 28
After a violent hissy fit, I managed to calm down and put together some rational thoughts on this game:
-Doesn't matter who coaches, Shrimpboat, Joe Lee Dunn, or Houston Nutt, this sort of crap will never stop. I announced to the room with Ole Miss down 27-21 that we would lose by a field goal. No one believed me because they're morons. True Ole Miss fans can always sense evil on the horizon.
-I sensed a looming disaster when we didn't take advantage of a 14-10 lead in the third quarter. Two possessions with the lead ended in two turnovers. That can't happen with the shaky defense we have.
-"And Cassius Vaughn gets beat to the corner." Direct quote from the play-by-play guy after a Wake Forest touchdown pass. I have a feeling we'll hear that a lot this year.
-Here's to Kendrick Lewis for keeping the time-honored Ole Miss defender tradition of completely overrunning the play when he whizzed by Riley Skinner who casually stepped aside and threw a deep ball, earning a pass interference call on Marshay Green.
-As for the good, Jevan Snead is slowly helping dull the pain of the Ethan Flatt-Micheal Spurlock-Robert Lane-Seth Adams-Brent Schaeffer Experience. Hard to believe that an offense works when you have a competent, warm body lining up under center.
-One more thing, Shay Hodge is really, really good.

State 34, Directional School 10
46 rushes, 27 passes. Scott Field is not burned to the ground. All-in-all a good weekend for the Bulldogs.

From places outside the SEC...
-More airtime this week on ESPN: Chris Wells' foot or Tom Brady's knee? Regardless, I think Wells' foot and Brady's knee should get an apartment together.

-Vince Young may need some crazy pills. Look, I know your career quarterback rating is 68.3 and you've thrown 32 interceptions to just 22 touchdowns, but Vince, seriously, disappearing into the cornfield isn't a good option.

Friday, September 05, 2008

SEC Picks for the Weekend

First, is it possible to put a numerical value on Steve Spurrier's frustration level? If it were a percentage, would it be in quadruple digits? Or the infinity symbol? Can I open this post with another question?

Through two games, Spurrier has played two quarterbacks who have tag-teamed their way to six interceptions and a countless number of visor tugs by Spurrier. Toss in a crappy offensive line, a defense that couldn't get off the field against Vandy, and a special teams meltdown of epic proportions last night, the Gamecocks now look like a team with a lot of problems and a coach who might set a new record for smiles that really mean "I want to kill you." For more on the debacle, courtesy of EDSBS, here's a South Carolina fan's take on last night.

I'm still not buying into Vandy. They'll be 4-8 or 5-7, mark it down. South Carolina just violated my rule that when a team plays Vandy they don't have to play great, just don't do anything dumb. Two picks, a blocked field goal, a missed field goal, and a punt off the leg of a blocker falls into the dumb category. On to the picks....

Tulane at Alabama
I read that Tulane spent the week practicing in Birmingham using UAB's facilities. Whenever UAB is involved, even in the slightest way, bad things result for those touched by the Blazers. My only concern is if Alabama will cover at -30.

Former Directional School at Arkansas
I normally wouldn't say anything here, but after last week's come-from-behind win over a directional school, the Hogs aren't a sure thing here. I'll go with another shaky win for Arkansas.

Southern Miss at Auburn
This one could be interesting. USM put up a ton of offense last week, granted it was against former directional school but that's what you're supposed to do against those teams, and we found out Auburn has a one-dimensional offense. I can see Southern Miss hanging around, but Auburn's defense should erase the shortcomings of the Kodi Burns and Chris Todd Experience. Auburn wins and doesn't cover.

Miami at Florida
What happened to Miami? Weren't they playing in a national championship game like seven years ago? I'm guessing they caught the David Cutcliffe Lethargy Flu, which is known to have devastating effects on recruiting and your program as a whole. There was a nasty bit of that going around in the early 2000s. Florida rolls.

Directional School at Georgia
Blah.

Norfolk State at Kentucky
Where is Norfolk State? Seriously. I would look it up, but I'm extremely busy and important.

Ole Miss at Wake Forest
The Rebels will need some turnovers from Wake and zero turnovers on their part. And about 9 inches of rain from the tropical storm. If the Ole Miss defense had played well last week, then maybe I would consider another glass of kool-aid, but I don't like this defense at all. Wake wins.

Directional School at Mississippi State
There's a chance that if Croom throws more than he runs, the 34,000 State fans in attendance will burn the stadium down. State wins.

Monday, September 01, 2008

From the Weekend That Was

Didn't get a chance to watch that many games, but from what I did see and read.....

Vandy 34, Miami (OH) 13
Really? Vandy went on the road and smashed anyone? Cue the Thursday night pregame buffoonery when Mark May/Lou Holtz debate whether this is the year Bobby Johnson turns things around. In a related story, Dr. Lou takes a call from a speech pathologist.


South Carolina 34, NC State 0
The first of several disasters for the ACC. To be fair, NC State was actually competitive until their starting quarterback got hurt. Then, Daniel Evans came in for the Wolfpack and Tommy Beecher went out of the game for Carolina. Evans started throwing incompletions and interceptions while Chris Smelley started throwing touchdowns. So grab a clipboard Tommy Beecher and don't screw up charting any plays for the rest of the year.

LSU 41, Appalachian State 13
ESPN kept mentioning how the atmosphere was subdued and LSU fans probably weren't as "fired up" for a 10 am kickoff as they would have been for a night game. Miles and I talked about it and decided that LSU fans could get just as drunk for a 10 am game as they could a 7 pm game. They'd either wake up earlier or drink faster. A resourceful group of people those LSU fans.

Florida 56, Hawaii 10
The beginning of the end for the Daves Network. Buzz Baker, the professional that he is, got drenched from a pregame rain, but by the time the first coach's interview took place, he was wearing a fresh Raycom shirt. The only other thing I took from this game was that Hawaii's starting quarterback could not throw the ball over 35 yards.

Georgia 45, Georgia Southern 21
Whatever.

Louisiana Tech 26, Mississippi State 14
State runs 40 passing plays and 31 running plays. What the hell is Sly Croom doing? Has he already forgotten why he won any games last year? I have no statistical evidence to back this up, but I'm willing to bet that when Wesley Carroll throws more than 20 passes, State's chances of losing increase by 75%. Or better yet, when Carroll's passing attempts are greater than Anthony Dixon's rushing attempts. I'll just put this coaching performance in my case file for why Croom is not a good coach.

Auburn 34, LA-Monroe 0
Compelling and rich.

Arkansas 28, Western Illinois 24
Two, yes two, fourth quarter touchdowns were needed to rally to beat the......the......(looking it up now)....Leathernecks. Fantastic name.

Ole Miss 41, Memphis 24
A consistent offense? Forty one points? Four hundred plus yards of total offense? To quote Seinfeld, "What year is this? How long have I been asleep?" I watched the replay yesterday and couldn't believe what I was seeing: a real football team. Haven't seen one of those take the field in four years. Granted, the defense looks shaky to quite shaky, but I'll ignore that for now and enjoy this rare feeling of hope surrounding this team. At least until Wake Forest smacks us back to reality on Saturday.

Alabama 34, Clemson 10
Can we finally stop all this "Clemson is going to break out this season" business? They're overrated and always will be overrated. Oh, and Tommy Bowden is NOT a good coach. How many times has his dad lost to him so he could keep his job? What makes me sick about Clemson is that they'll probably win 9, maybe even 10 games this year. Look at their schedule. Who's going to beat them? Wake Forest, Florida State, and South Carolina are the only likely suspects.

As for Alabama, their defense was much better than I thought it would be, especially up front. They just killed Clemson there. On offense, they committed to the run and used it to set up John Parker Wilson for some easy throws. They didn't let him throw downfield where he tends to do bad things, like cost his team the game.

Kentucky 27, Louisville 2
I wish I could remember how many horse racing references the ESPN announcers made.

UCLA 27, Tennessee 24
Jonathan Crompton: 19 of 42 for 189 yards and one interception. UCLA's quarterback throws four picks and still wins. If Crompton plays just mediocre, Tennessee wins. And by winning, I mean the game never comes down to a field goal.