Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Looking for a Midweek Pulse

It started out as a gimmick (and could still be one), made its triumphant return recently and now it’s back for a third appearance. So maybe it could actually stick around. It’s the screen shot of ESPN’s top stories followed by my comments, which may or may not contain saltiness. As I mentioned before, this is not a knock on ESPN, these stories are literally the most exciting or interesting things going on in the world of sport as I write this.

LT back with the Chargers for 2009. Saints fans who wanted to have another oft-injured running back replace the oft-injured one who was just released have to be crushed at this news (Note: I love Deuce McAllister. Watching him play when I was at Ole Miss was one of my highlights of college. But when a guy spends much of his time injured, as he was at Ole Miss, you can’t ignore it. So I will not apologize for besmirching Dulymus.). Not to worry Saints fans, the duo of Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush should do wonders this year. With that tandem, plus whatever aging veteran they sign as a “power” back type, I set the Saints’ third and less than three conversion percentage for next year at 17%.

Source: Cutler ordeal ‘bad to worse.’ I actually covered this the last time I did this gimmick. Again, the following quarterbacks have a higher winning percentage than Jay Cutler:

Marc Bulger
Derek Anderson
Kyle Boler

What has the backward-hat-wearer done to get this pissy about potentially being traded? If anything, he and his 17-20 career record should be kissing as much Bronco coach and front office ass in order to keep his job secure. Only teenage girls have this type of reaction to something like this. I think it’s safe to assume that Cutler and Josh McDaniels (and members of the front office) won’t sit by each other in the cafeteria, acknowledge each other in the bathroom and do their best to ignore each other by the lockers after school. The only things that will make Cutler feel better are an “I’m sorry,” some chocolate, flowers and maybe a balloon or two.

Dutch KO D.R. in 11th in WBC. Lol! 2 many abbvs n 1 sent. I hate myself for writing that because you know what grinds my gears? People who send emails and text messages (mainly these) where they abbreviate words like “you,” “to,” “too” and “you’re.” Seriously, we’re not 14. By now, you should know how to freaking spell even really simple words. And don’t give me the “it saves time” argument. How much time do you save? Six seconds? Ten? Write like an adult. Me wanting to read text messages from 14-year olds is like saying I’d want to appear on To Catch a Predator.

Oh, and about that World Baseball Classic, I’m not sure I can name one city in which a game has been played. I like baseball (the people that run it are fools), but this whole thing could not be more uninteresting to me. These teams spend about a week “practicing” together then start playing games. There’s no buildup at all like say basketball for the Olympics or for the World Cup. Teams in those events spend three years playing with one another off and on before exclusively playing together about a month before the real competition starts. They get to become, you know, like teammates all the while building some interest in what they’re trying to accomplish. The WBC throws these guys together and tries to get the games cranked out before the MLB season starts. Not exactly great way to create buzz or create a team environment.

I’m not exactly sure how to fix this problem other than shortening the baseball season, which needs to be done anyway (March to November is a long damn time for one sport to maintain interest). I say start the season in mid or late April, have the World Series end in the first week of October and start up the practice for the WBC in February. Then the games can start in early March and wrap up by the end of the month. This gives even those that played in the World Series four months off before a new season starts.

Rest assured though, whatever is the most logical way to improve the WBC, baseball will do the exact opposite.

Lakers’ Odom suspended one game after scrum. Unless “scrum” means acting tough and talking big while gently shoving someone, this headline is inaccurate.

Vonn 1st U.S. woman to win 2 overall Cup titles. Here’s how irrelevant women’s sports are. On every single one of the other headlines listed, I know what sport is being mentioned and either the team or athlete involved. For this headline, I have no idea who Vonn is nor do I have a clue what Cup she just won. ESPN needs to create ESPNWomen so women’s sports has a home and it never has to get mixed in with actual sports.

Rams release 7-time Pro Bowler Pace. The good news for the rest of America is that if Pace doesn’t get picked up by anyone, although he most likely will, that’s one less player intro we have to hear where a guy says “The Ohio State University.” Assuming the Rams are ever good enough to play on Sunday nights again.

LeBron’s triple-double seals win. Well, that and the fact they were playing the Clippers.

Spartans RB pleads guilty in assault, suspended. Shouldn’t it read “pleads guilty to assault”? The way it reads it sounds like assault is a class, which in East Lansing could very well be a real class. So I could be wrong here.

Cleveland St. tops Butler for Horizon crown. Now there’s one less at-large bid for big conference teams hoping to get in. And even though his team lost, I hope Matt Howard wasn’t disappointed in the size of the booger he removed from his nose.

Kiper: Cutler “reminds me of Jeff George." In other words, a guy who is hated by his teammates, clashes with his coaches and for the most part is a whiny bitch.

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