Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Looking for a Midweek Pulse

As we trudge through the barren sports wilderness that is June, July and August, it is my hope that I spend that time mentioning baseball as few times as possible. I enjoy following baseball but I can imagine nothing more boring than a weekly discussion on the ups and downs of life in the National League East (Although, I imagine around the end of June, maybe early July, I’ll launch into a tirade on the Braves’ shortcomings in the 2009 season). So, that said, I’ve got some non-sports related items in the oven and look forward to unveiling them as we lumber toward the start of football season. But for now, I go to an old rock, the ESPN headlines.

If you’ve never read before, I take a screen shot of ESPN’s top headlines on this day and, after reviewing each headline, I determine if there is life in the world of sports at the midway point of this week. This is not a knock on ESPN, but simply to point out how badly the sporting world sucks without football. On to the headlines…

USC coach Floyd submits resignation. I think the real shocker in this story is the following sentence, which was also read by an anchor on SportsCenter last night:

The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson, Miss., first reported Floyd's resignation.”

Score one for the ol’ hometown paper. Obviously, columnist Rick Cleveland’s friendship with Floyd was the key to The Clarion-Ledger getting some national credit for breaking the story. I’m sure there are a half a dozen columns from Cleveland documenting it, but if you weren’t aware, Floyd and Cleveland grew up together in Hattiesburg and their dads were friends as well. And you can mark it down right now, come the start of college basketball season expect a column from Cleveland on how Tim Floyd is ready to get back into coaching and that some struggling team out there should give him a chance to turn around their program.

2 scores enough for Pens to force 7. I have a suspicion that this is a hockey story. Or maybe some really cool gambling game I don’t know about. If it’s a hockey story, it should be placed on the yet-to-be-created ESPNHockey page where only people who care about hockey can see it. And if you’ve been keeping score, I’ve now given ESPN three ideas on how to manage content for their webpage: ESPNWomen, ESPNKids and now ESPNHockey.

Sources: Favre a no-show, Vikes slow chase. Of the top three headlines, two involve people with connections to the Hattiesburg area. The first, Tim Floyd, is allegedly one of the nicer and more genuine people you could ever meet who may have been caught up in the sleaze of college basketball recruiting. The second, Brett Favre, is a selfish asshole who enjoys holding NFL franchises hostage for months at a time, then screwing them over at the least opportune time.

Sources: Rambis passes so Kings net Westphal. Let’s see, Kurt Rambis could continue coaching with the Lakers, one of the top teams in professional basketball, and potentially take over when Phil Jackson retires, or he could take over the Sacramento Kings, a team that just finished 15-67, whose best player is Kevin Martin and in two years, the franchise may not even be in Sacramento. Tough choice.

Fight for 1st: BoSox rip Yanks. I thought about something to write here, but decided I’d wait until these teams meet for the 35th time later this season.

Manny visits team: ‘What happened, happened.’ You know what happened, Manny? You got yourself suspended and just about killed Andre Ethier’s season. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but Ethier is on my fantasy baseball team, which was thoroughly enjoying the results of his batting in front of or behind Manny. When Manny went away, he took Ethier’s bat with him. So you take your “What happened, happened” and go to hell.

Nationals select Strasburg at No. 1. You want to read something confusing? Check out the compensatory picks section of the Wikipedia page on the Major League Baseball draft. For such a simple game, baseball did a great job of creating player personnel rules that confuse and create general ignorance among its fans.

Ex-minor league pitcher, 25, joins BC as QB. Seriously, give it up Chris Weinke. It’s over.

Sources: Mayfield tested positive for meth. It jumped up a bit didn’t it? I mean, this really got out of hand fast. No steroids, but METHAMPHETAMINES. Not sure who Jeremy Mayfield is? HE’S A PROFESSIONAL STOCK CAR DRIVER. I think we can all agree that there’s nothing safer than snorting a little meth before getting behind the wheel. It’s science (No more Anchorman quotes, I promise).

Rumors: Mavs will swap J. Howard for pick 5. “Here’s what’s happening in your world. A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool.” Sorry, I tried to stop, but I love that movie so damn much. After it’s over I think we should get an apartment together.

Pulse Verdict: DEAD.

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