Friday, May 01, 2009

A Break From the World of Sport

Consider yourself very lucky to be reading this because you’re about to be introduced to a game that will change your life. Well, I should say it won’t change your life in the sense that you’ll see the world in a new light, but it will change your life by the countless hours you can spend playing, thus preventing you from doing your priorities and making everyone else angry when you explain to them what caused your slacking off.

The name of the game is Nicolas Cage Movie Title Creator and its rules are simple. Nicolas Cage is one of the worst actors of our time and has been in some of the worst movies of our time. But not only that, some of his movie titles are so over the top or just so awful that you have a hard time believing they’re real movies. Some examples: Knowing, Bangkok Dangerous, The Weather Man, Fire Birds and currently in post-production he’s got some real winners coming out, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Season of the Witch, Astro Boy, G-Force and Kick Ass.

Seriously, those are all real movies. So the object of Nicolas Cage Movie Title Creator is to create movie titles that if they were actually made, the only actor who would or could play the lead role is Nicolas Cage. That’s it. Probably the simplest rules to any game ever.

Now, you could be thinking that this game could get really old, really fast. But then you would be wrong. The great thing about this game is that it’s timeless (well, at least until Nic Cage dies) and the possibilities are endless. I spent about an hour playing the other day and came up with about 40 legitimate Nicolas Cage movies. And yes, it was a good use of my time.

So to help you get started, here are some of mine:

The Wizzard Warrior
The Bank Alliance
The Mecca Exception
Payout Deluxe
Ice Chalice
The Scientist’s Letter
Sly Fox
The Dollar Maker
Silver Top Cherry
Devil’s Fool

Can you see anyone else as the male lead in those movies? I think not.

For additional fun and time wasting, develop a one or two sentence description of the plot, like the kind your might see on a movie poster or in an ad for the movie. For example, take the soon-to-be-greenlighted Ice Chalice (once someone sends this blog to Nic Cage and assuming he has someone read it to him):

“Man has always sought to discover the great treasures of the Earth. Now, its greatest – and most dangerous – is being hunted…in Antarctica.”

Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

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