Monday, December 21, 2009

What Didn't Happen Over the Weekend

The Topeka, Grand Rapids and Yukon Territory bowls were played.
Not quite, but come 2014, these bowls will probably be on the docket. If you can't get excited about Idaho and UNLV playing in Whitehorse, Yukon on a Tuesday night in mid-December, then you don't love college football.

Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy took a marketing exam.
I had no idea that he was a fellow college graduate with a degree in marketing. If I had known, I would have assumed he would have gotten maximum results with minimum effort. It's what we marketing people do in school. I hope all of the marketing classes at Alabama are like the ones at Ole Miss. No attendance policy, three exams and an optional final. That's the way a college class should work. It teaches efficiency and laziness all in the span of three and a half months. There's work to be done, but you don't have to do it right now.

Oh, and he didn't take a marketing exam because he's already graduated and is applying for a Rhodes Scholarship. Now, Greg, that's a little ambitious for a marketing major. Unless your whole reason for trying to go to England to study is that you want to see if the mold for studying marketing (always the night before the test and only then) can work over there. If so, that's the ultimate test for the laziness and efficiency. I hope it works. By the way, if you're in college or heading that way, do yourself a favor and major in marketing. Other than maybe general studies or hospitality management, it's the best way to maximize fun while not sacrificing academic standing.

Florida sold its allotment of tickets to the Sugar Bowl.
Gator fans, still caught up in the excitement of an SEC Championship game destruction, have left 5,000 tickets in the hands of the Florida ticket office. Add in today's announcement that Brandon James will miss the game with a broken foot and that excitement should reach a fever pitch. The good news for the Gators is that the Cincinnati team they are to play in New Orleans lost its head coach and has spent the past few weeks bitching about the loss of said head coach. The atmosphere should be electric in the Superdome.

Ed Orgeron gave up Red Bull.
Now that's just silly. We all know that unless the Shrimp Boat Captain's heart gets in injection of Red Bull every eight minutes, it will cease to function properly. You may ask, why in the hell is this listed? To that I say, did you see what actually happened this weekend? I just spent two paragraphs laying out the benefits of being a marketing major in college. Life without college football, while much less physically and emotionally stressful, is really boring.

Cam Newton committed to Mississippi State.
I'm sure Tim Tebow's former backup and man charged with three felonies in November 2008 at least considered it, but failed to do so. Following recruiting is the only thing more painful that following a college football season, so I try to avoid it at all costs, but whether or not Newton does select State, know this State fans, Tyson Lee will not split time with him.

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