It's only Tuesday (AND A DAY EARLY FOR THIS, SO YOU'RE WELCOME), but it's never too early to begin your meticulous preparation for wagering so that you can properly waffle over various point spreads from Wednesday night to Friday afternoon. And we all know it's not a real bet unless you interpret defensive passing efficiency statistics combined with the tides schedule in the Gulf and that one Tennessee fan who annoyed the hell out of you five years ago in Knoxville to mean that, YES, the road underdog will cover. So to add to the information most certainly necessary to making a successful bet, The Belly of the Beast is here to help.
But first, a free exercise in wagering to get the competitive juices flowing. In the video below, ah, hell. There is no competition. It's my tribute to Braves' manager Bobby Cox, whose managing career came to an end Monday night as the Braves lost to the Giants and were knocked out of the playoffs. Given that he dealt with the Pu-Pu Platter all year, he did a tremendous job getting this team into the playoffs before losing two games they probably should have won.
Julio Jones will be without the services of one of his hands, which will have no impact on his dropped passes
Jones, who went for eight catches, 118 yards, 1 TD against South Carolina, broke his left hand in the game and had surgery to insert a plate and screws. His status for the Ole Miss game is declared somewhere in the gray-ish area. Perhaps even charcoal (Fletch is the greatest). According to Nick Saban, his availability will be determined by his tolerance of the pain, which, and I'm no doctor, should be SIGNIFICANT. HE BROKE HIS FREAKING HAND. Against Ole Miss, I would imagine they'll miss his ability to run block since he's like 12 times the size of the biggest Ole Miss defensive back. I doubt they'll miss sending him deep down the field for a pass he's not going to catch.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Minor in terms of the spread, perhaps significant in over/under.
Alabama right tackle D.J. Fluker out with an injury I pray to never have
Fluker is out of at least the Ole Miss game with a groin injury, and possibly even longer. I've had a sore groin muscle before and spent my days concentrating on not moving. My head could move on a swivel, but the rest of the body was not allowed to move. And when it did, PAIN AND SUFFERING ENSUED. I don't even want to know how badly a real groin injury hurts.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Ole Miss (+21)? Sign this moron up.
Georgia always did want to be Florida
And they're on their way with yet another arrest. Running back Caleb King is being held in the Athens-Clarke county jail for failing to appear in traffic court in a nearby county. We all knew the good times couldn't last that long at Georgia.
Mississippi State's middle-of-the-pack kickoff return team might be a little less middle-of-the-pack
Return man Leon Barry was lost for the year when he dislocated his ankle, which required surgery. The Bulldogs were sitting at 7th in the conference in kickoff return yard average and Berry was at 6th in the individual stats.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Is Florida planning to or even capable of scoring a lot in the game? Statistics tell us no, so I declare minimal impact here.
Kentucky could be without the service of one of its two good players
Running back Derrick Locke is battling a pair of stingers he received in the Ole Miss and Auburn games in consecutive weeks. Without Locke, someone you've never heard of will receive the majority of the carries.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Significant. If the backup running backs are terrible, then more of a burden falls on Mike Hartline, and history has shown us that such a burden is usually disastrous for Kentucky's hopes at winning or keeping it close.
Oregon State loses one of the brothers Rodgers
James, the receiver/return man/doeswhatever/nottherunningback/ will miss the remainder of the season after injuring his knee against Arizona on Saturday. I've watched Oregon State once this year (TCU game) and through my extremely talented observation skills, deduced that the Beavers better not lose either one of the brothers Rodgers or else their offense will grind to a slow crawl. Things may have changed since then, but I will gamble they have not.
INFLUENCE ON BET: Major.
Buffalo is so starved for winners, they stab one another in all the excitement of an actual win
Buffalo linebacker Scott Pettigrew was stabbed in the chest early Sunday morning after the Bulls win over a team I'm not going to look up. Thankfully, he was released from the hospital later that day and appears to be fine.
INFLUENCE ON BET: I wasn't aware the NFL allowed Buffalo to play in the league AND in college football. As bad as they are, I suppose they could use the practice.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
From the Weekend That Was
GAME RECAPS
Week: 5-2
Season: 40-9
Georgia 41, Tennessee 14
Only one of these two teams checked in under "completely incompetent" on Saturday with a touch of downright "horrendous and sad." And judging from the score, you can figure out which was which (hint: NOT Georgia). Tennessee, fresh off one the most painful losses in recent memory, was thoroughly thrashed by a Georgia team that seemed slightly irritated and ready to finally win a game against a team other than a former directional school. I didn't watch the entire game because I had anything better to do, so I'll need confirmation that Tennessee did actually play with five offensive linemen for most plays. From what I saw, each play went something like this:
-Matt Simms takes snap
-Simms looks downfield
-Simms assumes duck and cover earthquake position
-Simms smashed into the grass
And those four steps took place in about 1.2 seconds. So either Tennessee played with three offensive linemen or Georgia unveiled a new 10 defensive linemen package that kept the Volunteers guessing. And then there's the third option, which is that Tennessee just stinks. Probably a combination of all three.
I was one of the idiots that jumped all over the Tennessee +11.5 line, failing to remember from Ole Miss' ups and downs with Ed Orgeron that bad teams do not play or compete well two games in a row. Granted, Georgia is not a very good team, but their depth and talent are much greater than that of Tennessee. I would be willing to wager a not-so-significant amount of money that the Vols give Alabama a pretty good game in two weeks, then will be obliterated by South Carolina the week after that. Or they could save all that energy and focus on Ole Miss, which, other than Vandy, is probably their best chance to avoid an Ed Orgeron/Bobby Johnson 0-8 season in the SEC.
Arkansas 24, Texas A&M 17
Instead of handing out interceptions and fumbles in large quantities, Jerrod Johnson dialed things back this week and gave out incompletions with great zeal. Johnson, in 40 passing attempts, threw 25 of them, and amazingly, his only interception came on the last play of the game on a desperation throw. So a tip of the hat to you, Jerrod Johnson, for solid self-improvement. However, Texas A&M somehow managed to give the ball away at least four times for the FOURTH CONSECUTIVE GAME. Being a Texas A&M fan would suck.
South Carolina 35, Alabama 21
Not only was I wrong about South Carolina's lack of discipline that was sure to undermine their efforts (1 turnover, 4 penalties), but they even survived and rebounded a Stephen Garcia decision that should have led to one of the great collapses of our time. If you recall, Garcia had the ball snapped through his hands while in the shotgun on his own 19-yard line on the first play of the second half. He picked up the ball on the 5 and instead of falling on it, THREW IT THROUGH THE END ZONE, giving Alabama a safety and crushing the first half momentum South Carolina had built. Had Spurrier not briefly blacked out from rage (but not before throwing his play sheets on the field), I'm quite certain that would have been the end of Garcia's life. Amazingly, the HBC stuck with Garcia AND it paid off. Of course, it helped that South Carolina was able to run the ball with Marcus Lattimore (praise little tiny baby Jesus that Ole Miss doesn't have to play him this year) and it always helps to have Alshon Jeffery (again, more praise to little tiny baby Jesus), who is physically unstoppable.
South Carolina was the first team Alabama played (and may be the only team) that has an offense strong enough to take advantage of Alabama's young secondary and effectively run the ball. And on defense, they were strong enough to hold up against the running game of Alabama and forced Greg McElroy to be the offense (of course, it helps when your offense jumps on them so quickly). McElroy did a pretty nice job when speaking of just his throwing, but really killed Alabama by hanging on to the ball way too long, which resulted in most of the seven sacks by South Carolina. Obviously, that's partially the result of the Gamecocks' secondary providing excellent coverage, but McElroy should know by now that losing chunks of yards is unacceptable. He's got to throw it away or try to pick up a few yards. A good defense defending in third and long situations all of a sudden becomes a much better defense.
I'd like to say we'll see this matchup again in Atlanta, but I refuse to place South Carolina in Atlanta until my eyes see them on television in the Georgia Dome. There's no question the East is now South Carolina's to lose and that gives me little to no confidence that we'll see them in Atlanta because Stephen Garcia remains Stephen Garcia and South Carolina is still South Carolina.
Vanderbilt 52, Eastern Michigan 6
I'll have to get The Belly of the Beast research staff to confirm this (I will not actually do this), but I believe 52 points is as many as Vanderbilt has scored during the 2007-2009 seasons.
LSU 32, Florida 29
From Thursday's post:
"I'm taking Florida, but fully expect to have that pick smashed to pieces by something I've never seen before in a college football game."
Have I ever seen a fake field goal attempted with 35 seconds left by a team trailing by three, the fake field goal involved a flip-over-the-head pass by the holder, the pass went as close to forward as possible, the pass hit the ground, the ball then bounced PERFECTLY STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR, it was grabbed by the least athletic person on the team (the kicker), the kicker then runs five yards for a first down (aided by a Florida defender falling down), the following play is a quick slant in which Florida misses another tackle and the ball winds up at the Florida 3, the quarterback, and arguably one of the worst in the conference, throws two straight fade passes into the end zone, and the second of which is a perfect throw to win the game?
No, no I have not. And that makes two straight weeks of something I've never seen in a college football game from Les Miles, which confirms that he and the Dark Prince (again, for clarification, not Jackie Sherrill, but the real one) have some sort of contract. However, unlike last week, this was a game LSU deserved to win. If not for two turnovers which gave Florida easy scores and a kickoff return for a touchdown by the Gators, LSU probably wins this game by three or four touchdowns. They looked, and GASP!, like a competent football team. Offensively, they figured out how to make the two quarterback system work (for at least this week) and did a nice job of continuing to encourage Jordan Jefferson to run (though he still threw way too much), which is something he's never really done, either by command or choice (2008: 49 carries, 134 yards 2009: 112 for 171 2010: 58 for 231). Defensively, it helps when Florida is missing its best running back and the Gators keep running the option attack with John Brantely, who moves as if Steve Addazio's legs are carrying him. But, give credit to LSU's defense for shutting down whatever it was Florida was trying to do.
Make no mistake though, LSU is still not a good offensive team. At least for one night, they managed to get themselves in the meaty part of the below average curve, which is multiple notches above where they were. If their defense can continue to play well and face bad quarterbacks, I might not be so inclined to jump off a bridge when this team wins 10 games.
Auburn 37, Kentucky 34
We found out what Las Vegas knew when they set this line at Auburn (-6): Auburn's defense is terrible. I think many of us thought this to be true, but it was finally brought into the light on Saturday night. Luckily for the Tigers, they have Cam Newton, who is dangerously close to becoming Bo Jackson on Tecmo Super Bowl (if Jackson had been allowed to throw). It also helps that Kentucky's defense is much worse than Auburn's. The Tigers may very well win 10 games, but with a defense that cannot protect leads (led 31-14 with one minute before half; gave a up a field goal to lead 31-17 at half), they're going to lose one or two games they shouldn't. HINT: ARKANSAS.
Mississippi State 47, Houston 24
Houston's run defense is still missing in action and missing so badly that I'm not sure Chuck Norris could locate and rescue them out of the deepest and darkest of Vietnamese jungles. 57 carries for Mississippi State, resulting in 409 yards.
GAME I DIDN'T PICK BUT DESERVES MENTION HERE
Ohio State 38, Indiana 10
I'm not sure I'm ready to live in a world in which Ohio State is the number one team in the country. And I know my fragile psyche cannot handle the Buckeyes in yet another BCS title game. So the hopes of a nation rest on your shoulders, young men of Wisconsin and Iowa. DON'T SCREW THIS UP FOR THE REST OF US.
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
Stephen Garcia, QB, South Carolina
17-20, 201 yards, 3 TDs, 1 INT
Though he was a little shaky in the second half, it was Garcia's ridiculous performance in the first half that win him this week's award. Three touchdowns and terrifying accuracy. A major assist goes to Alshon Jeffery, who will also be on stage with Garcia when he accepts this award.
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Urban Meyer, Florida
Steve Addazio, Florida
Seriously, how much more of John Brantley running option plays do you need to see before you make the call that this needs to never happen again? Adjustments are allowed in this game.
JOHN VAUGHT OF THE WEEK
Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
The HBC finally pulled of a big one while at South Carolina. Well done, sir, well done.
2010 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the season
1. Jordan Jefferson 7
2. Ryan Mallett 6
3. Jeremiah Masoli 5
Tyler Russell 5
Cam Newton 5
6. John Brantley 4
Matt Simms 4
8. Aaron Murray 3
Chris Relf 3
Greg McElroy 3
Mike Hartline 3
Larry Smith 3
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Arkansas at Auburn
Will Cam Newton continue his rampage through defenses across the South? Will Auburn's secondary give up 500 yards passing? Can Trooper Taylor wave his towel more than he did last week? Is his arm sore? Has he ever worn his hat facing forward? Is his headset even turned on? I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT.
Week: 5-2
Season: 40-9
Georgia 41, Tennessee 14
Only one of these two teams checked in under "completely incompetent" on Saturday with a touch of downright "horrendous and sad." And judging from the score, you can figure out which was which (hint: NOT Georgia). Tennessee, fresh off one the most painful losses in recent memory, was thoroughly thrashed by a Georgia team that seemed slightly irritated and ready to finally win a game against a team other than a former directional school. I didn't watch the entire game because I had anything better to do, so I'll need confirmation that Tennessee did actually play with five offensive linemen for most plays. From what I saw, each play went something like this:
-Matt Simms takes snap
-Simms looks downfield
-Simms assumes duck and cover earthquake position
-Simms smashed into the grass
And those four steps took place in about 1.2 seconds. So either Tennessee played with three offensive linemen or Georgia unveiled a new 10 defensive linemen package that kept the Volunteers guessing. And then there's the third option, which is that Tennessee just stinks. Probably a combination of all three.
I was one of the idiots that jumped all over the Tennessee +11.5 line, failing to remember from Ole Miss' ups and downs with Ed Orgeron that bad teams do not play or compete well two games in a row. Granted, Georgia is not a very good team, but their depth and talent are much greater than that of Tennessee. I would be willing to wager a not-so-significant amount of money that the Vols give Alabama a pretty good game in two weeks, then will be obliterated by South Carolina the week after that. Or they could save all that energy and focus on Ole Miss, which, other than Vandy, is probably their best chance to avoid an Ed Orgeron/Bobby Johnson 0-8 season in the SEC.
Arkansas 24, Texas A&M 17
Instead of handing out interceptions and fumbles in large quantities, Jerrod Johnson dialed things back this week and gave out incompletions with great zeal. Johnson, in 40 passing attempts, threw 25 of them, and amazingly, his only interception came on the last play of the game on a desperation throw. So a tip of the hat to you, Jerrod Johnson, for solid self-improvement. However, Texas A&M somehow managed to give the ball away at least four times for the FOURTH CONSECUTIVE GAME. Being a Texas A&M fan would suck.
South Carolina 35, Alabama 21
Not only was I wrong about South Carolina's lack of discipline that was sure to undermine their efforts (1 turnover, 4 penalties), but they even survived and rebounded a Stephen Garcia decision that should have led to one of the great collapses of our time. If you recall, Garcia had the ball snapped through his hands while in the shotgun on his own 19-yard line on the first play of the second half. He picked up the ball on the 5 and instead of falling on it, THREW IT THROUGH THE END ZONE, giving Alabama a safety and crushing the first half momentum South Carolina had built. Had Spurrier not briefly blacked out from rage (but not before throwing his play sheets on the field), I'm quite certain that would have been the end of Garcia's life. Amazingly, the HBC stuck with Garcia AND it paid off. Of course, it helped that South Carolina was able to run the ball with Marcus Lattimore (praise little tiny baby Jesus that Ole Miss doesn't have to play him this year) and it always helps to have Alshon Jeffery (again, more praise to little tiny baby Jesus), who is physically unstoppable.
South Carolina was the first team Alabama played (and may be the only team) that has an offense strong enough to take advantage of Alabama's young secondary and effectively run the ball. And on defense, they were strong enough to hold up against the running game of Alabama and forced Greg McElroy to be the offense (of course, it helps when your offense jumps on them so quickly). McElroy did a pretty nice job when speaking of just his throwing, but really killed Alabama by hanging on to the ball way too long, which resulted in most of the seven sacks by South Carolina. Obviously, that's partially the result of the Gamecocks' secondary providing excellent coverage, but McElroy should know by now that losing chunks of yards is unacceptable. He's got to throw it away or try to pick up a few yards. A good defense defending in third and long situations all of a sudden becomes a much better defense.
I'd like to say we'll see this matchup again in Atlanta, but I refuse to place South Carolina in Atlanta until my eyes see them on television in the Georgia Dome. There's no question the East is now South Carolina's to lose and that gives me little to no confidence that we'll see them in Atlanta because Stephen Garcia remains Stephen Garcia and South Carolina is still South Carolina.
Vanderbilt 52, Eastern Michigan 6
I'll have to get The Belly of the Beast research staff to confirm this (I will not actually do this), but I believe 52 points is as many as Vanderbilt has scored during the 2007-2009 seasons.
LSU 32, Florida 29
From Thursday's post:
"I'm taking Florida, but fully expect to have that pick smashed to pieces by something I've never seen before in a college football game."
Have I ever seen a fake field goal attempted with 35 seconds left by a team trailing by three, the fake field goal involved a flip-over-the-head pass by the holder, the pass went as close to forward as possible, the pass hit the ground, the ball then bounced PERFECTLY STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR, it was grabbed by the least athletic person on the team (the kicker), the kicker then runs five yards for a first down (aided by a Florida defender falling down), the following play is a quick slant in which Florida misses another tackle and the ball winds up at the Florida 3, the quarterback, and arguably one of the worst in the conference, throws two straight fade passes into the end zone, and the second of which is a perfect throw to win the game?
No, no I have not. And that makes two straight weeks of something I've never seen in a college football game from Les Miles, which confirms that he and the Dark Prince (again, for clarification, not Jackie Sherrill, but the real one) have some sort of contract. However, unlike last week, this was a game LSU deserved to win. If not for two turnovers which gave Florida easy scores and a kickoff return for a touchdown by the Gators, LSU probably wins this game by three or four touchdowns. They looked, and GASP!, like a competent football team. Offensively, they figured out how to make the two quarterback system work (for at least this week) and did a nice job of continuing to encourage Jordan Jefferson to run (though he still threw way too much), which is something he's never really done, either by command or choice (2008: 49 carries, 134 yards 2009: 112 for 171 2010: 58 for 231). Defensively, it helps when Florida is missing its best running back and the Gators keep running the option attack with John Brantely, who moves as if Steve Addazio's legs are carrying him. But, give credit to LSU's defense for shutting down whatever it was Florida was trying to do.
Make no mistake though, LSU is still not a good offensive team. At least for one night, they managed to get themselves in the meaty part of the below average curve, which is multiple notches above where they were. If their defense can continue to play well and face bad quarterbacks, I might not be so inclined to jump off a bridge when this team wins 10 games.
Auburn 37, Kentucky 34
We found out what Las Vegas knew when they set this line at Auburn (-6): Auburn's defense is terrible. I think many of us thought this to be true, but it was finally brought into the light on Saturday night. Luckily for the Tigers, they have Cam Newton, who is dangerously close to becoming Bo Jackson on Tecmo Super Bowl (if Jackson had been allowed to throw). It also helps that Kentucky's defense is much worse than Auburn's. The Tigers may very well win 10 games, but with a defense that cannot protect leads (led 31-14 with one minute before half; gave a up a field goal to lead 31-17 at half), they're going to lose one or two games they shouldn't. HINT: ARKANSAS.
Mississippi State 47, Houston 24
Houston's run defense is still missing in action and missing so badly that I'm not sure Chuck Norris could locate and rescue them out of the deepest and darkest of Vietnamese jungles. 57 carries for Mississippi State, resulting in 409 yards.
GAME I DIDN'T PICK BUT DESERVES MENTION HERE
Ohio State 38, Indiana 10
I'm not sure I'm ready to live in a world in which Ohio State is the number one team in the country. And I know my fragile psyche cannot handle the Buckeyes in yet another BCS title game. So the hopes of a nation rest on your shoulders, young men of Wisconsin and Iowa. DON'T SCREW THIS UP FOR THE REST OF US.
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
Stephen Garcia, QB, South Carolina
17-20, 201 yards, 3 TDs, 1 INT
Though he was a little shaky in the second half, it was Garcia's ridiculous performance in the first half that win him this week's award. Three touchdowns and terrifying accuracy. A major assist goes to Alshon Jeffery, who will also be on stage with Garcia when he accepts this award.
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Urban Meyer, Florida
Steve Addazio, Florida
Seriously, how much more of John Brantley running option plays do you need to see before you make the call that this needs to never happen again? Adjustments are allowed in this game.
JOHN VAUGHT OF THE WEEK
Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
The HBC finally pulled of a big one while at South Carolina. Well done, sir, well done.
2010 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the season
1. Jordan Jefferson 7
2. Ryan Mallett 6
3. Jeremiah Masoli 5
Tyler Russell 5
Cam Newton 5
6. John Brantley 4
Matt Simms 4
8. Aaron Murray 3
Chris Relf 3
Greg McElroy 3
Mike Hartline 3
Larry Smith 3
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Arkansas at Auburn
Will Cam Newton continue his rampage through defenses across the South? Will Auburn's secondary give up 500 yards passing? Can Trooper Taylor wave his towel more than he did last week? Is his arm sore? Has he ever worn his hat facing forward? Is his headset even turned on? I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Five Words and Pictures That Adequately Describe LSU's Season Thus Far
DONTKNOWTHERULES
"Hey, look what happened. I guess I win, right?"
OFCOURSEITWAS
"I found it right outside my backdoor. Neat, huh?"
ILIKEWHERETHISISGOING
"And to think, I almost bet on red!"
ITSALLINTHEWRIST
"Pulling the handle is hard work!"
GETOUTOFTHEWAY
"Excuse me, justice and order. I've got an undefeated season in which to make my attendance known."
"Hey, look what happened. I guess I win, right?"
OFCOURSEITWAS
"I found it right outside my backdoor. Neat, huh?"
ILIKEWHERETHISISGOING
"And to think, I almost bet on red!"
ITSALLINTHEWRIST
"Pulling the handle is hard work!"
GETOUTOFTHEWAY
"Excuse me, justice and order. I've got an undefeated season in which to make my attendance known."
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Week Six SEC Power Poll and Picks
TEXAS PETE HOT SAUCE WEEK SIX SEC POWER POLL
Carefully scored by a panel of three judges, former figure skater Scott Hamilton, current Secretary of the Navy (and former Mississippi governor) Ray Mabus, and a shadowy Russian judge, this poll attempts to rank those in the SEC who are living the good life. And by that I mean should probably go buy lottery tickets in bulk. Pronto.
1. Les Miles
Was there any doubt he wouldn't be perched here? Like General Benjamin Prentiss' division at the center of the Union line on the first day of Shiloh, Miles' lines have bent back on themselves, but have refused to break. They will break at some point, but son of a bitch, can they go ahead and shatter so LSU can finally have a 5-7 season and Miles gets fired as opposed to LSU having a 10-2 season and Miles gets fired. Knowing LSU's good fortune, they latter will happen and the new coach will immediately win 11 games.
2. LSU
You lucky bastards. You should have felt the pain and shock of what was going to the be worst loss you will ever experience.
3. Jarrett Lee
He achieved the rank of serviceable, which is about six floors above his ceiling.
4. Brandon Bolden
Since the Enrique Davis injury (two games), Bolden, who should have been the feature back from the first minute of the Jacksonville State game, has rushed for 336 yards on 42 carries (8 yards a carry) and has three touchdowns. When Davis gets back, Bolden will certainly lose carries for some reason that makes sense only in the recesses of Houston Nutt's mind.
5. Gene Chizik
The undefeated season soldiers on, riding the shoulders of a one-man offensive show, a shaky secondary and the towel of Trooper Taylor.
6. Stevan Ridley
Despite Gary Crowton's attempts to keep LSU's total yardage at or below 100 yards a game, Ridley has quietly put together a solid year (97 carries, 557 yards, 5.7/carry, 4 TDs). Once Crowton gets wind of this nonsense, your day in the sun will come to a close.
/emails Gary Crowton repeatedly
7. Dan Mullen
The questionable Mississippi State secondary doesn't have to face Case Keenum operating the sprint to half a hundred that is the Houston Cougar offense. Keenum tore his ACL a few weeks ago and just about every other quarterback on Houston's roster is injured as well.
8. Jeremiah Masoli
He momentarily stopped throwing interceptions and added four more touchdowns to his bag of statistics. While I think the touchdowns will continue, I have not eased my concerns over the interceptions.
9. Tyler Russell
Even thought it was only Alcorn State, Dan Mullen did dust off Russell and allowed him to play. And he only threw one interception as opposed to the three he threw last time he saw action.
10. H.R. Greer
It's not everyday a fullback at Ole Miss is allowed to touch the ball, much less score. Greer caught his first career touchdown pass (and first touchdown period) against Kentucky. Don't judge me for putting him here, you know what you're getting in this space, plus NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED LAST WEEK.
THE PICKS
Last week: 6-1
Season: 35-7
Tennessee at Georgia
Let's go ahead and put the records set in the 3-2 Auburn/Mississippi State game in 2008 on notice. 74 punts, a combined 0-91 on third down conversions and something like 0-22 on fourth down conversions - they all could fall this weekend. The perfect storm (great book by the way; movie not so much) of offensive ineptitude is brewing somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains and looks to descend upon Athens on Saturday. Though the offenses are ranked 73rd (Georgia) and 87th (Tennessee) in the country in total offense, let's not totally discount the suckiness of the defenses here. The Vols are 78th in total defense and Georgia, while an eh-not-so-bad-all-things-considered 39th, is fresh off surrendering 235 rushing yards to Colorado's commitment to piss poor offensive play. The forecast for watching all of that nonsense calls for safety goggles (and not the cheap ones from Walmart; go for the Home Depot ones).
Surely Tennessee is emotionally cooked. Surely Georgia is wallowing in self-pity as to just how awful they are. Surely the winning team will not really win the game, but merely be the beneficiary of horribleness one or two degrees above theirs. All that is certain is that for the first time in my life I will actually feel pity for Dave Neal and Andre Ware as they have been charged with the duty of watching and describing the action of this game in a positive manner. Granted, they will be compensated for their burden, but unless 50% of that compensation comes in the form of grain alcohol, it isn't enough. I'll take my chances that Georgia's output is not 95% garbage and somewhere in the 70% range to get the win.
By the way, if Georgia should lose, that will be the official end to the Mark Richt era and his big game bed-shitting ways.
Arkansas at Texas A&M (in Arlington)
There's a pretty good chance both quarterbacks could throw for 450 yards and five touchdowns. However, only one of those quarterbacks has a better than average chance of also throwing 11 interceptions. And his name is Jerrod Johnson. Feast away, Arkansas defensive backs on your way to a turnover-fueled victory.
Alabama at South Carolina
This is most likely Alabama's last major challenge until the Auburn game, which could turn out not to be a challenge at all, but more of a "hey, I think we hit something, should we check the damage to the car?" It is also the Tide's third straight game against a very competent football team. No matter how strong or powerful a team is, eventually a stretch like that takes its toll both mentally and physically on a team. UNLESS THAT TEAM IS COACHED BY NICK SABAN. He does not yield, nay, acknowledge such things as wear and tear, dismissing them as problems made up by inferior coaches and eight grade girl's basketball teams.
Now, whether he can convince his team of that is another story. I think this game being on the road at the end of this three game stretch actually helps Alabama in terms of preparation and, as Saban says, "getting your mind right." Obviously, Alabama would rather play this game at home. But after last week's thrashing of Florida and everyone in the country anointing them the best team in college football, being thoroughly pleased with yourself is an easy trap in which to fall. By being on the road, the hostile environment gets them out of any comfort zone (with the aid of an irate, wired Nick Saban), demands that they be sharper and more focused and allows them to adopt the "us against the world" mentality that players love to cite as a reason for a road win. It should be a fairly close game in terms of score, but South Carolina is not disciplined enough (turnovers and their affection for false start penalties) or physical enough to be able to win.
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt
A rare moment here at The Belly of the Beast: A selection of Vanderbilt TO WIN.
LSU at Florida
If Les Miles pulls this one off and moves to 6-0, I demand that the FBI search his office, home, circus tent or whatever for records that confirm he has made a pact with the Dark Prince (Note: not Jackie Sherrill, but the real one). There's no other explanation for why a team that is 91st in total offense, 83rd in points scored, 112th in passing yards and 75th in turnover margin has not lost a game(s). The man has lived on the edge before (see: 2007 National Championship season), but this is getting ri-damn-diculous.
As for those citing LSU's defense as reason for success, you'd be partially right, but take a look at the offenses they've faced so far (total offense rank):
North Carolina 62nd
Vanderbilt 104th
MSU 53rd
West Virginia 63rd
Tennessee 87th
Not exactly a series of tremendous challenges there. But, they have done what a good defense does and shut those offenses down (minus T.J. Yates dropping FOUR HUNDRED AND TWELVE YARDS of passing on them). Clearly, the defense is the strength of this LSU team and, other than ass-backwards luck, may be the only strength of this team. But I'm not so sure they're everything they're made out to be. If T.J. Yates can hold them hostage for a quarter and a half, one would think Florida took notes on that and will finally let John Brantley do what his skill set says he can do, which is THROW NOT RUN.
Of course, that's assuming Brantley is able to walk upright after being pounded into a fine paste by Alabama's defense. Reports are indicating he will play, but backup Trey Burton will see more playing time than usual. And wouldn't you know it, the whole scenario is playing RIGHT INTO LES MILES' PLAN, which is not really a plan at all, but loosely structured chaos. It is at this point I have come to the realization that he might be able to pull this off (with the help of his friend who has a house on the lake of fire). So join me, fellow readers, as I step outside and angrily punch the air for the next 20 minutes.
I'm taking Florida, but fully expect to have that pick smashed to pieces by something I've never seen before in a college football game.
Auburn at Kentucky
Remember when Auburn lost to Kentucky at home last year? Oh, Chris Todd, how I miss you and your delicate arm and plodding feet. And why is the line to this game only Auburn (-6)? WHAT DOES LAS VEGAS KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT TELLING THE REST OF US? I like Auburn, but know that I'm giving you a cautious glance, Auburn/Kentucky game.
Mississippi State at Houston
At last check, Houston was still trying to locate a starter between two freshmen quarterbacks. They were also busy searching for their run defense, which has not been seen since sometime in the late 1960s. If the Cougars had Case Keenum, they probably have a pretty fair chance to win this game, but with no QB and defense that can't help protect their offense, State should win with somewhat ease, but not too much. The only real concern here is if Tyler Russell can continue his climb up the 2010 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Failure leaderboard while being the backup quarterback.
Carefully scored by a panel of three judges, former figure skater Scott Hamilton, current Secretary of the Navy (and former Mississippi governor) Ray Mabus, and a shadowy Russian judge, this poll attempts to rank those in the SEC who are living the good life. And by that I mean should probably go buy lottery tickets in bulk. Pronto.
1. Les Miles
Was there any doubt he wouldn't be perched here? Like General Benjamin Prentiss' division at the center of the Union line on the first day of Shiloh, Miles' lines have bent back on themselves, but have refused to break. They will break at some point, but son of a bitch, can they go ahead and shatter so LSU can finally have a 5-7 season and Miles gets fired as opposed to LSU having a 10-2 season and Miles gets fired. Knowing LSU's good fortune, they latter will happen and the new coach will immediately win 11 games.
2. LSU
You lucky bastards. You should have felt the pain and shock of what was going to the be worst loss you will ever experience.
3. Jarrett Lee
He achieved the rank of serviceable, which is about six floors above his ceiling.
4. Brandon Bolden
Since the Enrique Davis injury (two games), Bolden, who should have been the feature back from the first minute of the Jacksonville State game, has rushed for 336 yards on 42 carries (8 yards a carry) and has three touchdowns. When Davis gets back, Bolden will certainly lose carries for some reason that makes sense only in the recesses of Houston Nutt's mind.
5. Gene Chizik
The undefeated season soldiers on, riding the shoulders of a one-man offensive show, a shaky secondary and the towel of Trooper Taylor.
6. Stevan Ridley
Despite Gary Crowton's attempts to keep LSU's total yardage at or below 100 yards a game, Ridley has quietly put together a solid year (97 carries, 557 yards, 5.7/carry, 4 TDs). Once Crowton gets wind of this nonsense, your day in the sun will come to a close.
/emails Gary Crowton repeatedly
7. Dan Mullen
The questionable Mississippi State secondary doesn't have to face Case Keenum operating the sprint to half a hundred that is the Houston Cougar offense. Keenum tore his ACL a few weeks ago and just about every other quarterback on Houston's roster is injured as well.
8. Jeremiah Masoli
He momentarily stopped throwing interceptions and added four more touchdowns to his bag of statistics. While I think the touchdowns will continue, I have not eased my concerns over the interceptions.
9. Tyler Russell
Even thought it was only Alcorn State, Dan Mullen did dust off Russell and allowed him to play. And he only threw one interception as opposed to the three he threw last time he saw action.
10. H.R. Greer
It's not everyday a fullback at Ole Miss is allowed to touch the ball, much less score. Greer caught his first career touchdown pass (and first touchdown period) against Kentucky. Don't judge me for putting him here, you know what you're getting in this space, plus NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED LAST WEEK.
THE PICKS
Last week: 6-1
Season: 35-7
Tennessee at Georgia
Let's go ahead and put the records set in the 3-2 Auburn/Mississippi State game in 2008 on notice. 74 punts, a combined 0-91 on third down conversions and something like 0-22 on fourth down conversions - they all could fall this weekend. The perfect storm (great book by the way; movie not so much) of offensive ineptitude is brewing somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains and looks to descend upon Athens on Saturday. Though the offenses are ranked 73rd (Georgia) and 87th (Tennessee) in the country in total offense, let's not totally discount the suckiness of the defenses here. The Vols are 78th in total defense and Georgia, while an eh-not-so-bad-all-things-considered 39th, is fresh off surrendering 235 rushing yards to Colorado's commitment to piss poor offensive play. The forecast for watching all of that nonsense calls for safety goggles (and not the cheap ones from Walmart; go for the Home Depot ones).
Surely Tennessee is emotionally cooked. Surely Georgia is wallowing in self-pity as to just how awful they are. Surely the winning team will not really win the game, but merely be the beneficiary of horribleness one or two degrees above theirs. All that is certain is that for the first time in my life I will actually feel pity for Dave Neal and Andre Ware as they have been charged with the duty of watching and describing the action of this game in a positive manner. Granted, they will be compensated for their burden, but unless 50% of that compensation comes in the form of grain alcohol, it isn't enough. I'll take my chances that Georgia's output is not 95% garbage and somewhere in the 70% range to get the win.
By the way, if Georgia should lose, that will be the official end to the Mark Richt era and his big game bed-shitting ways.
Arkansas at Texas A&M (in Arlington)
There's a pretty good chance both quarterbacks could throw for 450 yards and five touchdowns. However, only one of those quarterbacks has a better than average chance of also throwing 11 interceptions. And his name is Jerrod Johnson. Feast away, Arkansas defensive backs on your way to a turnover-fueled victory.
Alabama at South Carolina
This is most likely Alabama's last major challenge until the Auburn game, which could turn out not to be a challenge at all, but more of a "hey, I think we hit something, should we check the damage to the car?" It is also the Tide's third straight game against a very competent football team. No matter how strong or powerful a team is, eventually a stretch like that takes its toll both mentally and physically on a team. UNLESS THAT TEAM IS COACHED BY NICK SABAN. He does not yield, nay, acknowledge such things as wear and tear, dismissing them as problems made up by inferior coaches and eight grade girl's basketball teams.
Now, whether he can convince his team of that is another story. I think this game being on the road at the end of this three game stretch actually helps Alabama in terms of preparation and, as Saban says, "getting your mind right." Obviously, Alabama would rather play this game at home. But after last week's thrashing of Florida and everyone in the country anointing them the best team in college football, being thoroughly pleased with yourself is an easy trap in which to fall. By being on the road, the hostile environment gets them out of any comfort zone (with the aid of an irate, wired Nick Saban), demands that they be sharper and more focused and allows them to adopt the "us against the world" mentality that players love to cite as a reason for a road win. It should be a fairly close game in terms of score, but South Carolina is not disciplined enough (turnovers and their affection for false start penalties) or physical enough to be able to win.
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt
A rare moment here at The Belly of the Beast: A selection of Vanderbilt TO WIN.
LSU at Florida
If Les Miles pulls this one off and moves to 6-0, I demand that the FBI search his office, home, circus tent or whatever for records that confirm he has made a pact with the Dark Prince (Note: not Jackie Sherrill, but the real one). There's no other explanation for why a team that is 91st in total offense, 83rd in points scored, 112th in passing yards and 75th in turnover margin has not lost a game(s). The man has lived on the edge before (see: 2007 National Championship season), but this is getting ri-damn-diculous.
As for those citing LSU's defense as reason for success, you'd be partially right, but take a look at the offenses they've faced so far (total offense rank):
North Carolina 62nd
Vanderbilt 104th
MSU 53rd
West Virginia 63rd
Tennessee 87th
Not exactly a series of tremendous challenges there. But, they have done what a good defense does and shut those offenses down (minus T.J. Yates dropping FOUR HUNDRED AND TWELVE YARDS of passing on them). Clearly, the defense is the strength of this LSU team and, other than ass-backwards luck, may be the only strength of this team. But I'm not so sure they're everything they're made out to be. If T.J. Yates can hold them hostage for a quarter and a half, one would think Florida took notes on that and will finally let John Brantley do what his skill set says he can do, which is THROW NOT RUN.
Of course, that's assuming Brantley is able to walk upright after being pounded into a fine paste by Alabama's defense. Reports are indicating he will play, but backup Trey Burton will see more playing time than usual. And wouldn't you know it, the whole scenario is playing RIGHT INTO LES MILES' PLAN, which is not really a plan at all, but loosely structured chaos. It is at this point I have come to the realization that he might be able to pull this off (with the help of his friend who has a house on the lake of fire). So join me, fellow readers, as I step outside and angrily punch the air for the next 20 minutes.
I'm taking Florida, but fully expect to have that pick smashed to pieces by something I've never seen before in a college football game.
Auburn at Kentucky
Remember when Auburn lost to Kentucky at home last year? Oh, Chris Todd, how I miss you and your delicate arm and plodding feet. And why is the line to this game only Auburn (-6)? WHAT DOES LAS VEGAS KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT TELLING THE REST OF US? I like Auburn, but know that I'm giving you a cautious glance, Auburn/Kentucky game.
Mississippi State at Houston
At last check, Houston was still trying to locate a starter between two freshmen quarterbacks. They were also busy searching for their run defense, which has not been seen since sometime in the late 1960s. If the Cougars had Case Keenum, they probably have a pretty fair chance to win this game, but with no QB and defense that can't help protect their offense, State should win with somewhat ease, but not too much. The only real concern here is if Tyler Russell can continue his climb up the 2010 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Failure leaderboard while being the backup quarterback.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Ole Miss Goes Out of Its Way to Get in Its Own Way
By now, you've probably heard about or seen the drawings/designs that will potentially represent whatever mascot Ole Miss chooses. If not, I'll save you the Google search and give them to you here:
So if you're scoring at home, that's a souvenir from an Alvin's Island found in the Alabama/Florida/Mississippi area of the Gulf Coast, Strother Martin from Cool Hand Luke (if he were a bear)
...and the love child between the Human Being mascot from the NBC show Community
and Duffman from The Simpsons
"I am not thrusting in the general direction of the problem."
So while it certainly could have been a total disaster, it was only a 652% disaster. All that was really discovered through this process that just won't die is that Ole Miss is certainly better off without a mascot, which I'm still confused as to why we're even searching for one.
In February of this year, Ole Miss students voted to begin the search for a new mascot to replace Colonel Rebel, who was cast off the sidelines and out of school in 2003 (though, thankfully, so that we may continue to remain a joke, a jackass bought his own suit and appears at Ole Miss events dressed as the Colonel). According to some overachieving student government type (the only type of person who gives a rat's ass about something this, which helps justify their existence), the vote was "about deciding that we need a new personification of what a Rebel is." And clearly, the souvenir, Strother Martin and the lovechild reflect that.
Other than the fact that this whole process is total horseshit and a waste of time and money, what really grinds my gears is how such a small group within the Ole Miss community managed to shove this thing down the throats of a large majority. According to the Alumni Association website, there are 23,434 registered members (obviously there are more alumni than that, but those members will be allowed to vote on one of the designs above). None of these alumni were allowed to take part in the vote. Ole Miss has about 18,000 students. Of those students, 3,366 voted. 3,366. 3,366 or 18.7% students gave a shit about whether or not we had a new mascot, indicating that 81.3% of the students don't care or assumed the idea was stupid. About 75% of those (2,525) voted to pursue a new mascot, or about 14% of the students. So 14% of the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY wants to see this happen. And it is because of these assholes we are looking at the designs above, and will have one of those representing the University of Mississippi.
God forbid the students and administrators at this school devote this much time and energy to something that, you know, MATTERS. Let's see, and off the top of my head, our fan base sucks. Our fan base is fractured. Our basketball arena is a leaky hellhole. Our administration is out of touch with the common fan, or as athletic director Pete Boone once said, "the t-shirt and crap crowd." (To be fair to Boone, he has made strides to get more in touch with the fans. He now has a Twitter account, which he updates fairly regularly, has sent out a survey to season ticket holders to gather information on the gameday experience and is seemingly being more open about what goes on in the athletic department.) And we still have no major and well-publicized fund raising drive (this is a nice start, but it needs more noise), academic or athletic.
Yet, here we sit. Eight months of mascot crap and it's still not over. And with the release of these three designs, we've made the majority of our fans angry and outraged, plus we've managed to catch the eye of national media types who, predictably, assume we're out of our damn minds (and more than normal) for considering any of these and will justly skewer us (then we'll get round two when the damn thing actually gets on the field). So let me be the first to pass out a hearty BURN IN A FIRE to those 14% and the weasely student government types who thought this was a great idea. We're already up to our elbows in much more significant problems that we're probably not going to solve well and these good people decided to go out and make another one, which will eventually splinter into a handful of more problems (just wait until the lovechild of Human Being and Duffman wins). If possible, I'd like to propose a resolution that states we're going to stop getting in our own damn way, while at the same time promises we're never going to do something like this again.
So if you're scoring at home, that's a souvenir from an Alvin's Island found in the Alabama/Florida/Mississippi area of the Gulf Coast, Strother Martin from Cool Hand Luke (if he were a bear)
...and the love child between the Human Being mascot from the NBC show Community
and Duffman from The Simpsons
"I am not thrusting in the general direction of the problem."
So while it certainly could have been a total disaster, it was only a 652% disaster. All that was really discovered through this process that just won't die is that Ole Miss is certainly better off without a mascot, which I'm still confused as to why we're even searching for one.
In February of this year, Ole Miss students voted to begin the search for a new mascot to replace Colonel Rebel, who was cast off the sidelines and out of school in 2003 (though, thankfully, so that we may continue to remain a joke, a jackass bought his own suit and appears at Ole Miss events dressed as the Colonel). According to some overachieving student government type (the only type of person who gives a rat's ass about something this, which helps justify their existence), the vote was "about deciding that we need a new personification of what a Rebel is." And clearly, the souvenir, Strother Martin and the lovechild reflect that.
Other than the fact that this whole process is total horseshit and a waste of time and money, what really grinds my gears is how such a small group within the Ole Miss community managed to shove this thing down the throats of a large majority. According to the Alumni Association website, there are 23,434 registered members (obviously there are more alumni than that, but those members will be allowed to vote on one of the designs above). None of these alumni were allowed to take part in the vote. Ole Miss has about 18,000 students. Of those students, 3,366 voted. 3,366. 3,366 or 18.7% students gave a shit about whether or not we had a new mascot, indicating that 81.3% of the students don't care or assumed the idea was stupid. About 75% of those (2,525) voted to pursue a new mascot, or about 14% of the students. So 14% of the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY wants to see this happen. And it is because of these assholes we are looking at the designs above, and will have one of those representing the University of Mississippi.
God forbid the students and administrators at this school devote this much time and energy to something that, you know, MATTERS. Let's see, and off the top of my head, our fan base sucks. Our fan base is fractured. Our basketball arena is a leaky hellhole. Our administration is out of touch with the common fan, or as athletic director Pete Boone once said, "the t-shirt and crap crowd." (To be fair to Boone, he has made strides to get more in touch with the fans. He now has a Twitter account, which he updates fairly regularly, has sent out a survey to season ticket holders to gather information on the gameday experience and is seemingly being more open about what goes on in the athletic department.) And we still have no major and well-publicized fund raising drive (this is a nice start, but it needs more noise), academic or athletic.
Yet, here we sit. Eight months of mascot crap and it's still not over. And with the release of these three designs, we've made the majority of our fans angry and outraged, plus we've managed to catch the eye of national media types who, predictably, assume we're out of our damn minds (and more than normal) for considering any of these and will justly skewer us (then we'll get round two when the damn thing actually gets on the field). So let me be the first to pass out a hearty BURN IN A FIRE to those 14% and the weasely student government types who thought this was a great idea. We're already up to our elbows in much more significant problems that we're probably not going to solve well and these good people decided to go out and make another one, which will eventually splinter into a handful of more problems (just wait until the lovechild of Human Being and Duffman wins). If possible, I'd like to propose a resolution that states we're going to stop getting in our own damn way, while at the same time promises we're never going to do something like this again.
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