Drink in the pavement, I-459, and chain restaurants
I did a summary of sorts of all things media days last summer, which is always a perfectly good reason for doing something again, and so, we shall embark on that quest again. Well, that reason and the thought of not injecting the nonsense and four interesting bits of information directly into my veins (literally or figuratively? Not sure) is unthinkable. So, here we go, each day broken down by teams, those speaking, player thoughts, and most entertaining moment likely to happen.
Also, like last summer (trying to go green around here), I'll recap each day using actual quotes of those who speak.
WEDNESDAY
1:00 PM - 3:50 PM
Arkansas
Those with speaking parts: Bobby Petrino, RB Knile Davis, WR Jarius Wright, and Tenarius Wright
Thoughts of players during interviews:
-"I can't wait to explore the space of being a starting SEC quarterback. I did see a Hooters on the way in today."
-"All these questions about my receivers. I hope Nike added 250% more stickum to their gloves."
-"I know one of these dudes gonna call us the Wright brothers."
-"No shit, Sherlock! I had no idea our first names also rhymed."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: The very first question to Petrino about Ohio State.
Florida
Those with speaking parts: Will Muschamp, QB John Brantley, DE William Green, and WR Deonte Thompson
Thoughts of players during interviews:
-"Who is Deonte Thompson?"
-"I feel like Charlie Weis is standing behind me. Is he standing behind me? It smells like him in here."
-"All this attention. Damn, I hope I'm the starter this season."
-"Dude, if this man asks me about Tebow, I'm gonna tell him he was an asshole."
/struck down by Urban Meyer (HE KNOWS ALL)
Highly entertainment moment most likely to happen: An Urban Meyer question.
3:20 PM - 6:00 PM
South Carolina
Those with speaking parts: Steve Spurrier, WR Alshon Jeffery, RB Marcus Lattimore, and DT Travian Robertson
Thoughts of players during interviews:
-"Pretend like you're excited about Stephen coming back. Pretend like you're excited about Stephen coming back. Pretend like you're excited about Stephen coming back."
-"Don't throw Conner under the bus. Don't throw Conner under the bus. Don't throw Connor under the bus."
-"Don't mention my vertical is now 56 inches."
-"Don't mention I am now 75% unbreakable metal."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Spurrier's opening statement in which he grits his teeth and says how excited he is to be in Hoover, Alabama in late July.
Mississippi State
Those with speaking parts: Dan Mullen, RB Vick Ballard, DT Fletcher Cox, and QB Chris Relf
Thoughts of players during interviews:
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Dan Mullen spends five minutes explaining the reasoning behind "The School Up North," trying to get just one reporter to not have a blank stare.
THURSDAY
8:30 AM - 11:20 AM
Kentucky
Those with speaking parts: Joker Phillips, OG Stuart Hines, LB Danny Trevathan, and QB Morgan Newton
Thoughts of players during interviews:
Forgoing this to point out I featured Trevathan last August before he became one of the better linebackers in the conference. What does that make me? I DON'T KNOW.
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Stuart Hines shows his ID to reporters to prove he is Stuart Hines.
Georgia
Those with speaking parts: Mark Richt, CB Brandon Boykin, C Ben Jones, and QB Aaron Murrray
Thoughts of players during interviews:
-"Anyone here look like they can play running back?"
-"Should I tell the story about Coach Grantham's back sweat jar?"
-"I liked it better when A.J. Green was here."
-"I feel like stealing something or hitting something with my car."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Impossible. It's Mark Richt. Though it is possible everyone drowns in a sea of coach-speak.
10:50 AM - 1:30 PM
Auburn
Those with speaking parts: Gene Chizik, WR Emory Blake, DT Nosa Equae, and TE Phillip Lutzenkirchen
Thoughts of players during interviews:
"Look at all these kinda chunky white people."
"Am I the first ever tight end to come here?"
"That dude looks like Barrett Trotter. And so does that one. And him too. Oh yeah, definitely him too."
"SHIT. BARRETT TROTTER COULD BE THROWING ME PASSES."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Chizik repeatedly hits his chin on the microphone.
Tennessee
Those with speaking parts: Derek Dooley, DL Malik Jackson, RB Tauren Poole, and OL Dallas Thomas
Thoughts of players during interviews:
"Don't ask me about Bray's tattoo. Don't ask me about Bray's tattoo. Don't ask me about Bray's tattoo."
"I think I forgot to practice good shower discipline this morning."
"Yep. Did not get enough lather behind the ears."
"That third helping of baby back ribs at the lunch buffet may have been a poor choice."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Dooley explains how the tactics used in the First Boer War, Crimean War, and Falklands War are a perfect metaphor for what they're trying to accomplish on kickoff returns.
FRIDAY
8:30 AM - 11:20 AM
Alabama
Those with speaking parts: Nick Saban, S Mark Barron, LB Dont'a Hightower, and RB Trent Richardson
Thoughts of players during interviews:
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Just to see if he can keep the streak going, Nick Saban works in the word "pimp" during his time at the podium.
Vanderbilt
Those with speaking parts: James Franklin, CB Casey Hayward, LB Chris Marve, and QB Larry Smith
Thoughts of players during interviews:
"Idiot. I'm not a walk-on."
"How dare you. I am not a walk-on."
"Why is no one here yet?"
"Chick-fil-a truly has the best biscuits in the world."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Franklin uses the phrase, "an explosive offense, like the one we had at Maryland."
10:50 AM - 1:30 PM
Ole Miss
Those with speaking parts: Houston Nutt, RB Brandon Bolden, DE Kentrell Lockett, and OT Bradley Sowell
Thoughts of players during interviews:
"No, I don't know why Enrique Davis keeps getting carries either."
"Man, I've looked at the stats too. It doesn't make sense."
"It looks like some kinda Presbyterian church in here."
"Hopefully, they won't remember the quote after the South Carolina debacle."
"Dammit. They did."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: Nutt's opening statement lasts 11 minutes, contains 411 periods, 672 commas, and 89 sentences that are four words or fewer.
LSU
Those with speaking parts: Les Miles, LB Ryan Baker, QB Jordan Jefferson, and WR Russell Shepard
Thoughts of players during interviews:
"Should I admit we've never once practiced a two-minute drill?"
"We don't even have a clock at practice."
"Hell, most of our practices just end when Coach wanders off and we can't find him."
"Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson."
"Come to think of it, I've haven't even met Coach Kragthorpe yet."
Highly entertaining moment most likely to happen: "HAVE A GREAT DAY, SEC MEDIA PEOPLE!!!"
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