So I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I seem to be getting lazier and lazier (if that’s possible). Remember when I said I was going to crank out three updates a week? Well, how long did that last? A week? I’d go back and look, but again (pointing my finger at myself), lazy. In an effort to make up for my slacking, I give you an über-lengthy update from the weekend and Monday. And yes, this blog is free of charge to you…
Michael Oher and Peria Jerry about to get paid. Oher was drafted 23rd overall by the Ravens and Jerry went at number 24 to the Falcons, which means they’ll soon have more money than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. And I say good for them. They lived through three years of eating a giant, shit sandwich every single day while being “coached” by Ed Orgeron, survived with sanity intact, and became leaders and stars of one of my favorite Ole Miss teams ever (I feel bad for the guys who spent three years under the Shrimp Boat Captain and weren’t good enough to be drafted. Perhaps, Oher and Jerry can treat them to a steak dinner or something.).
I obviously enjoyed watching Michael Oher play (good college player, played hard, developed a nasty streak in the second half of last season, and I look forward to him reaching his full potential in the NFL), but I loved, LOVED watching Peria Jerry play. His last two years in the SEC, especially this past season, he was an absolute wrecking ball for opposing offenses. If teams tried to block him with one guy, that play wasn’t going to work. It just wasn’t. Even double teams had trouble slowing him down. I’m reminded of the quote from Rocky IV when the Russian general or scientist is talking about how strong and powerful Drago is and says, “Everything he hits, he destroys!” That’s the way I felt about Jerry’s play.
I think you’ll find about 10-12 NFL teams next year that, after watching Jerry play, will say, “Damnit. What the hell were we thinking? We immediately regret our decision.” Remember all the hype surrounding Glenn Dorsey? Jerry got none of that and to me was better than Dorsey. I’ll be sure to remind you of this in the fall. Now I need to take a short break so I can find the apartment Peria and I are going to get together.
Finally, proof that mock drafts are stupid. According to this article on the Wall Street Journal’s sports blog, NFL draft “experts” suck at their jobs. ESPN’s main guys, Todd McShay and Mel Kiper, only selected eight of 32 first-round picks correctly. Sports Illustrated’s Don Banks and Peter King correctly named seven and six picks, respectively, and Fox Sports’ Jay Glazer got only five right. So next year, just remember that when one of these guys is hyping a move up the board, his chances of being right are about the same as Curtis Granderson getting a hit at the plate.
NFL executives never cease to amaze with their tomfoolery. A few highlights:
-Tyson Jackson goes at number three. Does anyone remember Tyson Jackson this year? Anyone? Obviously, he’s got some talent, but I can’t remember watching one LSU game and thinking, “Wow, Tyson Jackson is unbelievable.”
-The Raiders draft a guy about 45 picks before he should have been picked. Well, maybe not 45, but Darrius Heyward-Bey surely should not have gone before Michael Crabtree and Jeremy Maclin. Al Davis, possibly the king of the undead, liked his speed and his poor route running so his stable of below average quarterbacks would have someone to over- and underthrow.
-Josh Freeman in the first round. A classic example of an NFL team drafting a guy based on his physical abilities and ignoring his results. Granted, I didn’t follow Freeman or Kansas State very closely while he was there, but the few games I did see were filled with dumb decision after dumb decision. If a guy spends three years of college wallowing in inconsistency, how do you think it’s going to work out when everything at the next level is harder than where he’s been?
Ole Miss baseball team takes a big step toward hosting a regional. The Rebels took two of three from top-ranked (depending on what poll you use) Georgia and find themselves sitting at 13-8 in the SEC (33-11 overall) with six winnable games against Auburn and Mississippi State coming up. If they run through those six games like Scott Biddle runs through opposing batters, put a regional in Oxford down on your calendar. And if they hold it together against Arkansas and win a few games in the SEC Tournament, we might be talking national seed. Of course, this team could just as easily go 2-4 in its next six conference games, then get swept by Arkansas and be done. It’s Ole Miss – where anything amazing can happen.
Potential Mississippi State basketball commitment will attempt to tap his inner Dontae’ Jones. Renardo Sidney, a high school senior, is reportedly wavering on his commitment to Southern Cal and is considering Mississippi State. There’s just one small problem. With just about a month left in the school year, Sidney still needs to pass 16 core classes to meet NCAA eligibility requirements (allegedly, his SAT score is passing and all he needs to do is pass the remaining classes).
HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU BE ONE MONTH FROM THE END OF HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL NEED TO PASS 16 CLASSES TO GRADUATE? IT’S LIKE YOU TRIED TO BE THAT DUMB. Seriously, this has to be some kind of record. At, let’s say, five classes a semester (if they use the semester system), he has the academic standing of a junior at Christmas break. Except he’s one month from the end of high school. I have a suspicion that Fairfax High School places the same amount of importance on academics as South Panola High School.
Normally, I’d say there’s not a chance in hell he makes it into school. But through the magic of online courses and a trail already blazed by Dontae’ Jones (36 hours of credit in one summer. ONE SUMMER!!!), I’d expect to see Sidney in college basketball next year. Absurd? Maybe. But if there’s anything we’ve learned over the years, it’s that education is just stupid when .07% of high school basketball players make it to the NBA.
The New Orleans Hornets are tired of the 2009 season. In last night’s game four of the Nuggets/Hornet series, the Nuggets got a stiff challenge from New Orleans and escaped with a 121-63 road win. That’s 121-63. The 58-point win tied the NBA record for largest margin of victory in playoff history and reminded the New Orleans’ fans what Saints game used to be like.
Is it even necessary to play game five? Can’t the Hornets just save the money for the travel and put it towards, say, keeping the franchise from bankruptcy? Plus, I’m sure most of the players have early flights out to the Bahamas the day after game five.
Damn you, Pete Prisco, damn you. Prisco wrote an article on Monday that said the top player in the 2010 NFL draft is none other than Ole Miss quarterback Jevan Snead. AAAUUUGHHHH!!! STOP BUILDING MY (AND EVERYONE ELSE’S) EXPECTATIONS. I CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER. The more crap like this that gets written, the more painful the fall will be.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been more optimistic, yet so sure everything is going to fall apart before a football season begins. Ole Miss’ schedule is set up perfectly (toughest road game at South Carolina), the rest of the SEC West either stinks or has an unproven quarterback and 17 starters return. However, the best player on the team is gone (Peria Jerry), two offensive line spots have to be filled and people like Pete Prisco won’t stop hyping this team and its players.
One of the things Ole Miss does better than almost any team is crapping the bed when expectations are set. And no previous expectations have come close to those being set going into this season. They’re absolutely terrifying. Yes, there is some legitimacy to them (Shut up, Gray!), but all this hype could be disaster in the making. I would appreciate it if everyone just shut up and forgot about Ole Miss for the next five months because that’s the only way we’re not going to experience the faceplant of faceplants.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Best, Worst and In Between of the Week: Video Edition
This week's recap is cleverly disguised as a video edition so one might think, "Wow, this is a different touch. Gray is really putting some thought into this." Well, let me let you on a little secret: It's happening because I'm lazy, and when faced with any sort of time management issues, I tend not to get anything done. So there. Now on to the recap...
THE BEST
I don't know how many of you know about this website called Xtranormal, but it allows you to create short 3D movies. They have scenes and characters from which to choose and all you have to do is provide the dialogue, which you create and type. It may seem a little childish, and it is to a certain degree, until something like this falls into the hands of cynical Ole Miss fans. Then the whole world benefits.
I present the video re-enactment of the Enrique Davis arrest via Red Cup Rebellion (I would embed these, but my lack of Interneting skills prevent me from doing so. Or maybe it's Xtranormal's fault).
Next, a conversation between Ole Miss Athletic Director Pete Boone and Chancellor Robert Khayat last spring on football scheduling (These next two links come from NAFOOM threads).
And finally, how it really went down when Mississippi State Athletic Director Greg Byrne fired Sylvester Croom (Language warning on this one).
THE WORST
If you watched any of game two of the Celtics/Bulls series on Monday night, you saw an out-of-action Kevin Garnett sitting on the Celtics' bench unleashing something close to 4,842 f-bombs throughout the course of the game, most notably at the end. It was a typical Garnett move, acting hard and gangster when he knows no one is going to challenge him. After all, who's going to go after a guy that's not even playing?
Garnett has gotten away with this act for years because no one would stand up to him. That is until a Russian named Zaza Puchulia came along in last year's playoffs. Puchulia showed the world that when confronted, Kevin Garnett is just as big of a bitch as every other NBA player (Except Charles Oakley. He really was crazy.).
THE IN BETWEEN
Normally, the video below would be under the best of the week, but I couldn't come up with anything that belonged here. This is an actual commercial that is airing in Memphis and is probably the best one of our time.
THE BEST
I don't know how many of you know about this website called Xtranormal, but it allows you to create short 3D movies. They have scenes and characters from which to choose and all you have to do is provide the dialogue, which you create and type. It may seem a little childish, and it is to a certain degree, until something like this falls into the hands of cynical Ole Miss fans. Then the whole world benefits.
I present the video re-enactment of the Enrique Davis arrest via Red Cup Rebellion (I would embed these, but my lack of Interneting skills prevent me from doing so. Or maybe it's Xtranormal's fault).
Next, a conversation between Ole Miss Athletic Director Pete Boone and Chancellor Robert Khayat last spring on football scheduling (These next two links come from NAFOOM threads).
And finally, how it really went down when Mississippi State Athletic Director Greg Byrne fired Sylvester Croom (Language warning on this one).
THE WORST
If you watched any of game two of the Celtics/Bulls series on Monday night, you saw an out-of-action Kevin Garnett sitting on the Celtics' bench unleashing something close to 4,842 f-bombs throughout the course of the game, most notably at the end. It was a typical Garnett move, acting hard and gangster when he knows no one is going to challenge him. After all, who's going to go after a guy that's not even playing?
Garnett has gotten away with this act for years because no one would stand up to him. That is until a Russian named Zaza Puchulia came along in last year's playoffs. Puchulia showed the world that when confronted, Kevin Garnett is just as big of a bitch as every other NBA player (Except Charles Oakley. He really was crazy.).
THE IN BETWEEN
Normally, the video below would be under the best of the week, but I couldn't come up with anything that belonged here. This is an actual commercial that is airing in Memphis and is probably the best one of our time.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
From the Weekend That Was (and Monday)
Ole Miss dominates itself; manages to prevent major injuries. The 2009 version of spring practice concluded this weekend in Oxford with the playing of the Red and Blue game. To be honest, I can’t remember which color team won, but one of them won 55-28. Now you may say that’s a bit high (especially if you’re a State fan conditioned by the Sylvester Croom era), but Houston Nutt awarded the team consisting of mostly backup players seven points at the end of each quarter. So in reality, the backup team was demolished by the starters 55-0, which is still really high.
As I’ve said before, I only have one hope for spring practice and that is that no one gets hurt. I’d rather just have all the backups play or those competing (lookout, an Ed Orgeron buzzword!) for a starting job. Having your starters bust it in April only makes me nervous. Plus, there’s nothing more uninspiring or completely void of interest than an intra-squad scrimmage. I don’t need 60 minutes of scrimmage to let me know our second and third team defenses are no match for the first team offense. However, stepping away from my crotchety old man get-off-my-lawn fist shake, if it generates money and gets some national publicity, I’m all for it (Yes, I’m a whore and can easily be bought).
Mississippi State battles itself to the wire; manages to prevent major injuries. Here I can’t even remember the actual score (I know it was close), nor will I or did I put in the time to research which color team, maroon or white, won this game, but I did want to point out something interesting that new coach Dan Mullen incorporated in this game. At some point, either before the game or after the first quarter (again, lack of research is a common theme around here), Mullen had players from each team engage in a little contest of bull in the ring.
If you’re not familiar with bull in the ring, it’s essentially one player being put in the middle of a circle of other players who, when their number is called, try to destroy him. The attacking players can be in front of or behind the player in the middle so he’s got to be extremely alert or he’ll get abused more than he already will be. If you’ve watched Friday Night Lights, they provided an excellent example when Tim Riggins was placed in the middle of the ring after doing one of the many dumb things he did.
Anyway, Mullen took the results from bull in the ring and added them to the scores for each team in the game. Now this is an idea I can get behind. The spring game isn’t really a game so why not make it as gimmicky as possible? I can assure you I’d be more interested in watching bull in the ring for ten minutes than I would Billy Tapp lead a six-play, eleven yard drive that ends in a fumble. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy a game of keep away or having two offensive lines racing to see which one can drive the blocking sled 50 yards first? That would be entertainment gold. Someone with some authority needs to get on this.
Ole Miss baseball continues the tradition of Ole Miss owning Florida. The Rebels took two of three from the Gators over the weekend in Gainesville and are now currently tied with LSU for second in the SEC West with an 11-7 conference record (Currently, the Rebels are behind only Georgia for the conference’s best record at 28-11). Only the Gator basketball team has had any recent success against Ole Miss, winning three of the last four meetings (that could be a better record, but I only found results from the last four years). I said it during football season, but it’s only a matter of time before Ole Miss is forced to pay city taxes in Gainesville.
Andy Kennedy avoids the clink with guilty plea to lesser charge. Kennedy pled guilty to a disorderly conduct charge from his run-in with a cab driver in Cincinnati and was sentenced to 40 hours of community service and six months probation. Perhaps this will put an end to his desire to go to bars outside of Oxford. After all, not every bar offers the security and protection of The Library’s Road House wannabe bouncers.
Ole Miss running back Enrique Davis does not avoid the clink; familiarizes himself with the Lafayette County Detention Center. According to this fascinating report, Davis was arrested for disorderly conduct (apparently, it’s an Ole Miss thing) and for failure to comply. The arresting officer said in his report that Davis originally gave the officer a “shunning face” when asked to present his identification and, when asked several more times for his ID, Davis gave the officer a “crazy face” and walked away and was arrested. Oh, and this all took place at Jerrell Powe’s apartment.
First, the difference between a “shunning face” and a “crazy face.” Hmmm. Well, there is none. Only because no one knows WHAT THE HELL A “SHUNNING FACE” IS. I’ve seen people shunned before, but never have I heard a face described as “shunning.” I’m pretty sure this the first time in the history of the English language this has happened. So congratulations Officer Zachary White, your originality is to be commended.
But as for the “crazy face,” how was it crazy? Like a clown or like a genuinely insane person? I’d like to know because if Enrique Davis is in fact genuinely insane, then I’d feel better about seeing his playing time slipping away. There’s no need to play insane people. However, if it was crazy like a clown, I’m a little concerned. Football needs more colorful people, especially those willing to give a police officer a non-threatening “crazy face.” Getting them out of football only hurts all of us.
As for the actual arrest, it sounds like Davis was arrested for being an idiot. If he simply had taken his ID out, we wouldn’t be talking about this. A little rule I’ve always stuck to in life is that whatever a police officer asks you to do, you do it and do so in the most cooperative manner possible. He’s looking to release some pent-up rage that was accumulated before he became cop and had authority given to him, and you don’t want to be the target of that release. Just a tip from me to you.
Finally, one of the best parts of the story:
“White asked if Powe would read the bottom of the citation and sign it to ensure he would show up in court, but Powe stated he could not read and would not sign, the report said.
The officer informed Powe that he did not need to sign and he would issue the citation regardless. Powe finally read the citation information and signed and was released afterwards.”
Jerrell Powe plays dumb, then realizes playing dumb was not a good idea, then actually does read the statement and even signs his own name. Powe’s decisions making and progression through that sequence has me excited he really might bring something to the table next season. Good for him.
Dan Mullen lied; Jackie Sherrill DID interact with players in a State practice. Well done, Dan Mullen, well done. Things are off to a great start in Starkville.
How the hell did I forget about this? According to ESPN’s Bruce Feldman, Ed Orgeron will play himself in the upcoming movie based on Michael Lewis’ The Blind Side. I present Exhibit A as to why this is THE GREATEST IDEA EVER CONCEIVED BY MAN:
As I’ve said before, I only have one hope for spring practice and that is that no one gets hurt. I’d rather just have all the backups play or those competing (lookout, an Ed Orgeron buzzword!) for a starting job. Having your starters bust it in April only makes me nervous. Plus, there’s nothing more uninspiring or completely void of interest than an intra-squad scrimmage. I don’t need 60 minutes of scrimmage to let me know our second and third team defenses are no match for the first team offense. However, stepping away from my crotchety old man get-off-my-lawn fist shake, if it generates money and gets some national publicity, I’m all for it (Yes, I’m a whore and can easily be bought).
Mississippi State battles itself to the wire; manages to prevent major injuries. Here I can’t even remember the actual score (I know it was close), nor will I or did I put in the time to research which color team, maroon or white, won this game, but I did want to point out something interesting that new coach Dan Mullen incorporated in this game. At some point, either before the game or after the first quarter (again, lack of research is a common theme around here), Mullen had players from each team engage in a little contest of bull in the ring.
If you’re not familiar with bull in the ring, it’s essentially one player being put in the middle of a circle of other players who, when their number is called, try to destroy him. The attacking players can be in front of or behind the player in the middle so he’s got to be extremely alert or he’ll get abused more than he already will be. If you’ve watched Friday Night Lights, they provided an excellent example when Tim Riggins was placed in the middle of the ring after doing one of the many dumb things he did.
Anyway, Mullen took the results from bull in the ring and added them to the scores for each team in the game. Now this is an idea I can get behind. The spring game isn’t really a game so why not make it as gimmicky as possible? I can assure you I’d be more interested in watching bull in the ring for ten minutes than I would Billy Tapp lead a six-play, eleven yard drive that ends in a fumble. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy a game of keep away or having two offensive lines racing to see which one can drive the blocking sled 50 yards first? That would be entertainment gold. Someone with some authority needs to get on this.
Ole Miss baseball continues the tradition of Ole Miss owning Florida. The Rebels took two of three from the Gators over the weekend in Gainesville and are now currently tied with LSU for second in the SEC West with an 11-7 conference record (Currently, the Rebels are behind only Georgia for the conference’s best record at 28-11). Only the Gator basketball team has had any recent success against Ole Miss, winning three of the last four meetings (that could be a better record, but I only found results from the last four years). I said it during football season, but it’s only a matter of time before Ole Miss is forced to pay city taxes in Gainesville.
Andy Kennedy avoids the clink with guilty plea to lesser charge. Kennedy pled guilty to a disorderly conduct charge from his run-in with a cab driver in Cincinnati and was sentenced to 40 hours of community service and six months probation. Perhaps this will put an end to his desire to go to bars outside of Oxford. After all, not every bar offers the security and protection of The Library’s Road House wannabe bouncers.
Ole Miss running back Enrique Davis does not avoid the clink; familiarizes himself with the Lafayette County Detention Center. According to this fascinating report, Davis was arrested for disorderly conduct (apparently, it’s an Ole Miss thing) and for failure to comply. The arresting officer said in his report that Davis originally gave the officer a “shunning face” when asked to present his identification and, when asked several more times for his ID, Davis gave the officer a “crazy face” and walked away and was arrested. Oh, and this all took place at Jerrell Powe’s apartment.
First, the difference between a “shunning face” and a “crazy face.” Hmmm. Well, there is none. Only because no one knows WHAT THE HELL A “SHUNNING FACE” IS. I’ve seen people shunned before, but never have I heard a face described as “shunning.” I’m pretty sure this the first time in the history of the English language this has happened. So congratulations Officer Zachary White, your originality is to be commended.
But as for the “crazy face,” how was it crazy? Like a clown or like a genuinely insane person? I’d like to know because if Enrique Davis is in fact genuinely insane, then I’d feel better about seeing his playing time slipping away. There’s no need to play insane people. However, if it was crazy like a clown, I’m a little concerned. Football needs more colorful people, especially those willing to give a police officer a non-threatening “crazy face.” Getting them out of football only hurts all of us.
As for the actual arrest, it sounds like Davis was arrested for being an idiot. If he simply had taken his ID out, we wouldn’t be talking about this. A little rule I’ve always stuck to in life is that whatever a police officer asks you to do, you do it and do so in the most cooperative manner possible. He’s looking to release some pent-up rage that was accumulated before he became cop and had authority given to him, and you don’t want to be the target of that release. Just a tip from me to you.
Finally, one of the best parts of the story:
“White asked if Powe would read the bottom of the citation and sign it to ensure he would show up in court, but Powe stated he could not read and would not sign, the report said.
The officer informed Powe that he did not need to sign and he would issue the citation regardless. Powe finally read the citation information and signed and was released afterwards.”
Jerrell Powe plays dumb, then realizes playing dumb was not a good idea, then actually does read the statement and even signs his own name. Powe’s decisions making and progression through that sequence has me excited he really might bring something to the table next season. Good for him.
Dan Mullen lied; Jackie Sherrill DID interact with players in a State practice. Well done, Dan Mullen, well done. Things are off to a great start in Starkville.
How the hell did I forget about this? According to ESPN’s Bruce Feldman, Ed Orgeron will play himself in the upcoming movie based on Michael Lewis’ The Blind Side. I present Exhibit A as to why this is THE GREATEST IDEA EVER CONCEIVED BY MAN:
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Best, Worst and In Between of the Week
THE BEST
Zeke Thomas will earn exactly what he should for coaching basketball. Which is absolutely nothing. Thomas, in an unlikely smart PR move from him, will donate his first year (and potentially only year) salary as head coach of Florida International to the school. Of course, he’s still owed $12 million by the New York Knicks, a team he cost hundreds of millions of dollars with amazing idiocy, so it’s not like he’ll be clipping coupons or buying the generic brand sleeping pills (Ohhhhhhh…..that’s right, I went there).
I’m really looking forward to the Isiah Thomas era at FIU. The players he’ll sign (midnight basketball league guys, FIU intramural stars, hobos), the bench coaching (mostly consisting of a blank stare), and, of course, the recruiting violations (calling a recruit 2500 times more than he’s allowed, paying a JUCO guy averaging three points a game in JUCO $47 million over four years) will all be FANTASTIC. And there’s always the chance the FIU crowd begins chanting just 10 games into the season, “Fire Isiah” just like they did in New York. I’m telling you, only good can come out of this situation.
The five-month NBA regular season comes to a close and the two-month long playoff process begins. What better way to reward worn-down teams than a two-month meat grinder that’s even more intense and more physical than the previous five months. When will the stupidity of a five-month season and two-months worth of playoffs finally be acknowledged by those in charge of the NBA? Maybe next season when season ticket sales are at an all-time low and teams come closer to folding, the league will take time to evaluate and not ignore what’s going on. And remember, when they switch to the World Cup playoff format, I want the credit.
THE WORST
Atlanta’s Yunel Escobar takes the lead in the race for the best baseball injury of 2009. Escobar, in yesterday’s game against the Marlins, strained an abdominal muscle while in the ON-DECK CIRCLE and is expected to miss a few games. If you’ve never seen him play, he has this goofy routine right before he goes up to bat. As soon as he’s announced as the next batter, he begins leaping as high as he can, pulling his knees up to his chest. He does this several times and then draws something abstract in the dirt behind home plate before finally getting in the batter’s box. Even he admits he doesn’t know what he draw, he just draws. Are all people from Cuba this weird?
So congratulations Yunel, you’re our early leader with a pretty strong effort. Not many people can injure themselves in the on-deck circle when contact with a ball or another bat is not involved. In order to be overtaken, Yunel will need someone to have a Jeff Kent-like washing-his-truck injury.
THE IN BETWEEN
Ole Miss baseball avenges previous Governor’s Cup losses with an 8-1 win over Mississippi State. Well, I doubt they really were out for revenge, but I’m sure it was nice to win. To me this is the ultimate “in between” story of the week. The game between the two schools doesn’t count in the SEC standings, but it is a game against your rival, which means you want to win, but eh, oh well if you don’t. Maybe if you’re at the game or care more about college baseball it’s different, but I did and do not fall into either category. In fact, this story is so neutral, I can’t even muster an attempt at humor here. I can almost feel your disappointment.
Enjoy the weekend and watch out for NBA playoffs round one fever. It’ll getcha.
Zeke Thomas will earn exactly what he should for coaching basketball. Which is absolutely nothing. Thomas, in an unlikely smart PR move from him, will donate his first year (and potentially only year) salary as head coach of Florida International to the school. Of course, he’s still owed $12 million by the New York Knicks, a team he cost hundreds of millions of dollars with amazing idiocy, so it’s not like he’ll be clipping coupons or buying the generic brand sleeping pills (Ohhhhhhh…..that’s right, I went there).
I’m really looking forward to the Isiah Thomas era at FIU. The players he’ll sign (midnight basketball league guys, FIU intramural stars, hobos), the bench coaching (mostly consisting of a blank stare), and, of course, the recruiting violations (calling a recruit 2500 times more than he’s allowed, paying a JUCO guy averaging three points a game in JUCO $47 million over four years) will all be FANTASTIC. And there’s always the chance the FIU crowd begins chanting just 10 games into the season, “Fire Isiah” just like they did in New York. I’m telling you, only good can come out of this situation.
The five-month NBA regular season comes to a close and the two-month long playoff process begins. What better way to reward worn-down teams than a two-month meat grinder that’s even more intense and more physical than the previous five months. When will the stupidity of a five-month season and two-months worth of playoffs finally be acknowledged by those in charge of the NBA? Maybe next season when season ticket sales are at an all-time low and teams come closer to folding, the league will take time to evaluate and not ignore what’s going on. And remember, when they switch to the World Cup playoff format, I want the credit.
THE WORST
Atlanta’s Yunel Escobar takes the lead in the race for the best baseball injury of 2009. Escobar, in yesterday’s game against the Marlins, strained an abdominal muscle while in the ON-DECK CIRCLE and is expected to miss a few games. If you’ve never seen him play, he has this goofy routine right before he goes up to bat. As soon as he’s announced as the next batter, he begins leaping as high as he can, pulling his knees up to his chest. He does this several times and then draws something abstract in the dirt behind home plate before finally getting in the batter’s box. Even he admits he doesn’t know what he draw, he just draws. Are all people from Cuba this weird?
So congratulations Yunel, you’re our early leader with a pretty strong effort. Not many people can injure themselves in the on-deck circle when contact with a ball or another bat is not involved. In order to be overtaken, Yunel will need someone to have a Jeff Kent-like washing-his-truck injury.
THE IN BETWEEN
Ole Miss baseball avenges previous Governor’s Cup losses with an 8-1 win over Mississippi State. Well, I doubt they really were out for revenge, but I’m sure it was nice to win. To me this is the ultimate “in between” story of the week. The game between the two schools doesn’t count in the SEC standings, but it is a game against your rival, which means you want to win, but eh, oh well if you don’t. Maybe if you’re at the game or care more about college baseball it’s different, but I did and do not fall into either category. In fact, this story is so neutral, I can’t even muster an attempt at humor here. I can almost feel your disappointment.
Enjoy the weekend and watch out for NBA playoffs round one fever. It’ll getcha.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Looking for a Midweek Pulse
If you’re not a regular reader, this gimmick is not a knock on ESPN, but a look at the top stories of today in a sporting world without football. And at the end, I determine if there is life in the world of sports at the midway point of this week. So from ESPN.com’s homepage, the top stories of the day…
De La Hoya retires. Boxing is still a sport? Seriously, when was the last time you watched a fight (of the professional variety, not two backwards-hat-wearing, drunken morons swinging wildly at each other over “disrespect.”)? Or better yet, even heard about a fight? Is Gary Bettman secretly running boxing? Can I write an entire paragraph of nothing but questions? Can I? Really?
When boxing shows up on Versus, I think we’ll know the answer to the Gary Bettman question. And speaking of fights, Spencer’s fight with his sister’s old boyfriend on The Hills has to go down as one of the best moments in the show’s history (of course, it’s pretty easy to beat out 1,000 different scenes in a club that are all really the same scene, but of the 10 or so most compelling scenes in the show’s history, this is tops). Spencer threw out the triumvirate of poser language (“homey”, “dog”, and “disrespect”) right before he sucker punched the other guy in the chin while he was looking away.
You really need to check it out if you missed it. And the unintentional comedy takes a significant jump when all the white kids in designer t-shirts who are trying to break it up keep saying, “Yo, yo, yo. Break it up.” One other thing I noticed was that there were either no bouncers in this bar or they just didn’t care about the fight. Every bar I’ve ever been in has bouncers that worship Road House and pray that a fight happens so they can practice their Dalton-esque moves on drunk guys. Los Angeles must be a weird place.
Beckett banned 6 games. Our first fracas of the young baseball season also results in our first suspensions of the season. But doesn’t the word “banned” make you think this was for steroids? You usually see the word “suspended” when it comes to fights. Although when someone gets tests positive for steroids, they’re usually “suspended” for however many games. What’s that? Yes, you are correct, I am splitting hairs over something stupid. But have you seen the rest of these stories? I just spent two paragraphs talking about The Hills, so it can only get worse.
Cowboys get 6 national ’09 games. Were you aware that ESPN spent two hours last night, that’s HOURS, dissecting and discussing the 2009 NFL schedule? Two hours talking about games that are between five and eight months away. What can you even say about a game that far away? “I’ll tell you a game I like guys, New England and New Orleans. That should be an exciting, fast-paced shootout. Drew Brees. Tom Brady. It’s gonna be great. I can’t wait for football!”
When you don’t even know final rosters, what the game will mean at that point in the season and who is even healthy enough to play in the game, it’s idiotic to discuss the game further than saying, “Hey, the Saints and Patriots play this year. Cool.” I can’t imagine spending two hours watching ESPN’s NFL crew offer their opinions as to why the Texans/Colts game in November will be the best game of the month (or watching those guys in general for two hours).
DL candidate: Card’s Carpenter hurts rib cage. Still waiting for the best baseball injury of the year. My two all-time favorite injuries are Sammy Sosa straining his back from a bout of violent sneezing, and Richie Sexton straining his neck when he tried to put on a hat that was too small during team photo day at Brewers spring training.
Glavine: Retirement on radar. Glavine’s surgically repaired shoulder and elbow have become inflamed and require rest and treatment if he wants to continue pitching. Glavine said he’s tired of the rehab process and if his arm doesn’t improve within a couple of week, he’ll retire. You know why else he should retire? He’s 43.
As a Braves fan, the last way I want to remember Tom Glavine is watching him go out every five days, pitch five innings (if he’s lucky) and finish with a 4-11 record and a 5.32 ERA. Go out with some dignity. You gave it one last shot last year and it didn’t work out because YOU WERE 42. Besides, it would be much more exciting to see Jo-Jo Reyes go out there every five days, pitch seven fantastic innings, and pitch the eighth one like he’s never picked up a baseball before.
Kings co-owner blasts Martin for ‘thuggery.’ Co-owner Joe Maloof, probably from the hot tub of one of his casino suites, demanded that Kenyon Martin apologize for his flagrant foul on the Kings’ Spencer Hawes. Hawes was forced to leave the game and an MRI revealed he had a strained knee. Meanwhile, the Nuggets demanded an apology from Martin for being paid over $14 million this year while averaging 11.7 points and six rebounds a game.
Injured Derby challenger Old Fashioned retired. Not since Barbaro’s near-death, recovery, near-death, slight recovery, closer-to-death, much-closer-to-death, slight recovery, and eventual death that gripped the country for like two months has a horse racing story appeared on ESPN’s homepage. Let’s hope it’s another two years before we have another one.
F1 officials: Brawn can keep rear diffuser, wins. Sweet, merciful crap. Formula One is a top story. But you know what was a top story yesterday? Isiah Thomas will be paid to be in charge of a Division I basketball program. Florida International gave the world one of the all-time greatest “What the hell, why not?” hires when they named Thomas their new head coach yesterday.
Thomas, who isn’t qualified to run his own life (see: attempted suicide and claiming it was his teenage daughter who tried to kill herself), will now be in charge of not only a basketball program, but also molding the minds of 18 to 22 year-olds, which is going to go well to quite well. Let’s review some of Zeke’s post-NBA playing career highlights:
-Bought the CBA and in two years bankrupted the league.
-Took over the Pacers. who were one year removed from the NBA finals with most of their core young players still in tact. and went 131-115 in three years. And he lost in the first round of the playoffs each year.
-Took over as the Knicks’ president of basketball operations and single-handedly destroyed the team by sending it to salary cap hell until 2056 with an array of stupid signings and even worse trades.
-Took over as Knicks’ head coach and in two years put together a 56-108 record.
-Was responsible for Madison Square Garden paying a female employee $11.6 million in a sexual harassment judgment. Thomas said at trial it was okay for co-workers to hug and kiss one another.
So, the only real question is how soon will Florida International be on probation? Do you think for one second Isiah Thomas is going to read or even know a single NCAA recruiting rule? I wouldn’t be surprised if he disguises old Knicks’ castoffs as junior college recruits and attempts to have them play at FIU. But when he gets fired (or disappears into the Everglades), it will be his daughter’s fault.
Paulus works out for Packers, stops by Michigan. Amazingly, it’s not former Notre Dame quarterback Ron Powlus, but former Duke Blue Devils’ backup point guard Greg Paulus. I’m pretty sure this story is made up. I think Green Bay was having media withdrawals after last summer’s Favre fiasco and decided to create some news. Is there any other good reason?
Paulus last played football when he was a quarterback in high school, which coincidentally was the last time he really played basketball. However absurd this is, if you’re backup quarterbacks Brian Brohm and Matt Flynn, I think you should have a pretty good understanding of the Packers’ opinion of your quarterbacking skills.
Rumors: The next home of Pedro Martinez. Since I don’t have Insider, I’ll take a shot at this one. The next home of Pedro Martinez is either in the Dominican Republic as chairman of a cockfighting league or with the Nationals for three weeks until he realizes he’s 38 and can’t break 84 on the radar gun.
PULSE VERDICT: Dead.
De La Hoya retires. Boxing is still a sport? Seriously, when was the last time you watched a fight (of the professional variety, not two backwards-hat-wearing, drunken morons swinging wildly at each other over “disrespect.”)? Or better yet, even heard about a fight? Is Gary Bettman secretly running boxing? Can I write an entire paragraph of nothing but questions? Can I? Really?
When boxing shows up on Versus, I think we’ll know the answer to the Gary Bettman question. And speaking of fights, Spencer’s fight with his sister’s old boyfriend on The Hills has to go down as one of the best moments in the show’s history (of course, it’s pretty easy to beat out 1,000 different scenes in a club that are all really the same scene, but of the 10 or so most compelling scenes in the show’s history, this is tops). Spencer threw out the triumvirate of poser language (“homey”, “dog”, and “disrespect”) right before he sucker punched the other guy in the chin while he was looking away.
You really need to check it out if you missed it. And the unintentional comedy takes a significant jump when all the white kids in designer t-shirts who are trying to break it up keep saying, “Yo, yo, yo. Break it up.” One other thing I noticed was that there were either no bouncers in this bar or they just didn’t care about the fight. Every bar I’ve ever been in has bouncers that worship Road House and pray that a fight happens so they can practice their Dalton-esque moves on drunk guys. Los Angeles must be a weird place.
Beckett banned 6 games. Our first fracas of the young baseball season also results in our first suspensions of the season. But doesn’t the word “banned” make you think this was for steroids? You usually see the word “suspended” when it comes to fights. Although when someone gets tests positive for steroids, they’re usually “suspended” for however many games. What’s that? Yes, you are correct, I am splitting hairs over something stupid. But have you seen the rest of these stories? I just spent two paragraphs talking about The Hills, so it can only get worse.
Cowboys get 6 national ’09 games. Were you aware that ESPN spent two hours last night, that’s HOURS, dissecting and discussing the 2009 NFL schedule? Two hours talking about games that are between five and eight months away. What can you even say about a game that far away? “I’ll tell you a game I like guys, New England and New Orleans. That should be an exciting, fast-paced shootout. Drew Brees. Tom Brady. It’s gonna be great. I can’t wait for football!”
When you don’t even know final rosters, what the game will mean at that point in the season and who is even healthy enough to play in the game, it’s idiotic to discuss the game further than saying, “Hey, the Saints and Patriots play this year. Cool.” I can’t imagine spending two hours watching ESPN’s NFL crew offer their opinions as to why the Texans/Colts game in November will be the best game of the month (or watching those guys in general for two hours).
DL candidate: Card’s Carpenter hurts rib cage. Still waiting for the best baseball injury of the year. My two all-time favorite injuries are Sammy Sosa straining his back from a bout of violent sneezing, and Richie Sexton straining his neck when he tried to put on a hat that was too small during team photo day at Brewers spring training.
Glavine: Retirement on radar. Glavine’s surgically repaired shoulder and elbow have become inflamed and require rest and treatment if he wants to continue pitching. Glavine said he’s tired of the rehab process and if his arm doesn’t improve within a couple of week, he’ll retire. You know why else he should retire? He’s 43.
As a Braves fan, the last way I want to remember Tom Glavine is watching him go out every five days, pitch five innings (if he’s lucky) and finish with a 4-11 record and a 5.32 ERA. Go out with some dignity. You gave it one last shot last year and it didn’t work out because YOU WERE 42. Besides, it would be much more exciting to see Jo-Jo Reyes go out there every five days, pitch seven fantastic innings, and pitch the eighth one like he’s never picked up a baseball before.
Kings co-owner blasts Martin for ‘thuggery.’ Co-owner Joe Maloof, probably from the hot tub of one of his casino suites, demanded that Kenyon Martin apologize for his flagrant foul on the Kings’ Spencer Hawes. Hawes was forced to leave the game and an MRI revealed he had a strained knee. Meanwhile, the Nuggets demanded an apology from Martin for being paid over $14 million this year while averaging 11.7 points and six rebounds a game.
Injured Derby challenger Old Fashioned retired. Not since Barbaro’s near-death, recovery, near-death, slight recovery, closer-to-death, much-closer-to-death, slight recovery, and eventual death that gripped the country for like two months has a horse racing story appeared on ESPN’s homepage. Let’s hope it’s another two years before we have another one.
F1 officials: Brawn can keep rear diffuser, wins. Sweet, merciful crap. Formula One is a top story. But you know what was a top story yesterday? Isiah Thomas will be paid to be in charge of a Division I basketball program. Florida International gave the world one of the all-time greatest “What the hell, why not?” hires when they named Thomas their new head coach yesterday.
Thomas, who isn’t qualified to run his own life (see: attempted suicide and claiming it was his teenage daughter who tried to kill herself), will now be in charge of not only a basketball program, but also molding the minds of 18 to 22 year-olds, which is going to go well to quite well. Let’s review some of Zeke’s post-NBA playing career highlights:
-Bought the CBA and in two years bankrupted the league.
-Took over the Pacers. who were one year removed from the NBA finals with most of their core young players still in tact. and went 131-115 in three years. And he lost in the first round of the playoffs each year.
-Took over as the Knicks’ president of basketball operations and single-handedly destroyed the team by sending it to salary cap hell until 2056 with an array of stupid signings and even worse trades.
-Took over as Knicks’ head coach and in two years put together a 56-108 record.
-Was responsible for Madison Square Garden paying a female employee $11.6 million in a sexual harassment judgment. Thomas said at trial it was okay for co-workers to hug and kiss one another.
So, the only real question is how soon will Florida International be on probation? Do you think for one second Isiah Thomas is going to read or even know a single NCAA recruiting rule? I wouldn’t be surprised if he disguises old Knicks’ castoffs as junior college recruits and attempts to have them play at FIU. But when he gets fired (or disappears into the Everglades), it will be his daughter’s fault.
Paulus works out for Packers, stops by Michigan. Amazingly, it’s not former Notre Dame quarterback Ron Powlus, but former Duke Blue Devils’ backup point guard Greg Paulus. I’m pretty sure this story is made up. I think Green Bay was having media withdrawals after last summer’s Favre fiasco and decided to create some news. Is there any other good reason?
Paulus last played football when he was a quarterback in high school, which coincidentally was the last time he really played basketball. However absurd this is, if you’re backup quarterbacks Brian Brohm and Matt Flynn, I think you should have a pretty good understanding of the Packers’ opinion of your quarterbacking skills.
Rumors: The next home of Pedro Martinez. Since I don’t have Insider, I’ll take a shot at this one. The next home of Pedro Martinez is either in the Dominican Republic as chairman of a cockfighting league or with the Nationals for three weeks until he realizes he’s 38 and can’t break 84 on the radar gun.
PULSE VERDICT: Dead.
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