Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Gene Chizik Breaks Out The Corporate Playbook
Gene Chizik announced today that backup quarterback Clint Moseley would be replacing Barrett Trotter as starting quarterback this weekend against LSU. You may recall Moseley came on in relief of Trotter this past weekend against Florida and led the Tigers to 10 second half points in their 17-6 win over the Gators. To help him arrive at such a decision, Chizik consulted every corporation's friend, the decision tree.
Click to enormosize
Craig James Has A Word With Tommy Tuberville
Craig James stopped by Lubbock yesterday to speak with Texas Tech head coach Tommy Tuberville about his son Adam, a wide receiver on the Red Raider team. After stopping by Tuberville's house, James was told the coach wasn't there, but he should probably check the stadium. And so, Craig James descended upon Jones AT&T Stadium:
After finding the second-year coach in his office, the two made small talk about politics and Big 12 realignment before James began the badgering of why his son only caught three passes against Kansas State when Texas Tech quarterback Seth Doege attempted 63 passes. According to James, his son should have caught at least 25 passes.
Tuberville gave him some coach-speak, while assuring James that they'd find a way to get Adam more opportunities. James thanked the coach for his time, then vanished into the Texas wind, but not without leaving everyone with an afternoon bout of sneezing and eye irritation, which also happens to those who watch ESPN Thursday night games.
After finding the second-year coach in his office, the two made small talk about politics and Big 12 realignment before James began the badgering of why his son only caught three passes against Kansas State when Texas Tech quarterback Seth Doege attempted 63 passes. According to James, his son should have caught at least 25 passes.
Tuberville gave him some coach-speak, while assuring James that they'd find a way to get Adam more opportunities. James thanked the coach for his time, then vanished into the Texas wind, but not without leaving everyone with an afternoon bout of sneezing and eye irritation, which also happens to those who watch ESPN Thursday night games.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Quarterback Situation Tire Fires
As noted by my careful following and tallying of the interceptions thrown by SEC quarterbacks, I get some sort of weird delight out of truly horrible performances by quarterbacks. I don't know when this started, but my best guess is sometime during the 2009 season, as I watched Jevan Snead's impressive march to 20 interceptions in a single year of college football. That, and maybe there's something that happens to a person when they watch the quarterbacks for their team throw 107 combined interceptions from 2004-2010 (15.28 per season; HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?). The pain and rage created by such awful levels of play is all I know, so I get joy out of seeing other teams tasting what I have known for so long.
Luckily for twisted people like myself, this year's stable of SEC quarterbacks has not disappointed in terms of wretched play. Only four teams have manged to avoid a tire fire situation at quarterback (Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, and LSU), and of those four, two are breaking in new starters. Everyone else? It's all burning and going to burn for quite some time.
Let's see just how bad it's been as we take a look at the other eight teams and their quarterback stats in SEC games only. One point of order, Tennessee and Florida were kind of caught between groups, while Tyler Bray has been okay in SEC games, he hasn't been great, and ditto John Brantley. But, now that Bray is out until November-ish and Brantley, who knows, Matt Simms, Jeff Driskel, and Jacoby Brissett land them in the tire fire group.
Auburn
Barrett Trotter
36-73 (49.3%), 372 yards, 4 TD, 4 INT
Ole Miss
Zack Stoudt
22-49 (44.9%), 210 yards, 1 TD, 6 INT
Randall Mackey
15-32 (46.9%), 201 yards, 1 TD, 2 INT
Ole Miss total:
37-81 (45.7%), 411 yards, 2 TD, 8 INT
SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP THAT IS HORRIBLE
Mississippi State
Chris Relf
50-81 (61.7%), 448 yards, 1 TD, 4 INT
Very high completion percentage for him, but that comes out to 5.5 yards per pass, which is not good at all. Randall Mackey, for example, is at 6.28 yards per pass.
Tyler Russell
15-37 (40.5%), 210 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT
Mississippi State total:
65-118 (55%), 658 yards, 2 TD, 7 INT
Florida
John Brantley
33-53 (62.2%), 518 yards, 4 TD, 1 INT
Jeff Driskel
11-27 (40.7%), 89 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT
Jacoby Brissett
13-24 (54.2%), 139 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT
Florida total:
57-104 (54.8%), 746 yards, 5 TD, 5 INT
Tennessee
Tyler Bray
44-81 (54.3%), 539 yards, 3 TD, 2 INT
Matt Simms
10-26 (38.4%), 167 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT
Tennessee total:
54-107 (50.4%), 706 yards, 3 TD, 4 INT
Kentucky
Morgan Newton
26-74 (35.1%), 198 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT
2.67 yards per pass has to be some kind of record for quarterbacking failure.
Vanderbilt
Larry Smith
34-52 (65.4%), 216 yards, 0 TD, 3 INT
Like Relf, his yards per pass is not good, coming in at 4.15.
Jordan Rodgers
20-45 (44.4%), 203 yards, 0 TD, 3 INT
Vanderbilt total:
54-97 (55.7%), 419 yards, 0 TD, 6 INT
South Carolina
Stephen Garcia
36-78 (46.1%), 530 yards, 3 TD, 8 INT
Connor Shaw
47-69 (68.1%), 474 yards, 5 TD, 2 INT
South Carolina total:
83-147 (56.4%), 1,004 yards, 8 TD, 10 INT
That's 9 out of 15 quarterbacks with below a 50% completion rate, and only 3 out of 15 who have more touchdowns than interceptions. Auburn and Florida stand as the only two teams with as many touchdown passes as interceptions (I did not count Kiehl Frazier's or Clint Mosley's stats, as Frazier has only been used as a situational quarterback and Mosley has played a half of one game, but Frazier's picks would take Auburn out of this category).
And all of that above, dear readers, explains why SEC games not involving Alabama, Arkansas, LSU, or Georgia feel like rock fights. Though, the ones with Georgia, despite Aaron Murray's success, still feel like rock fights.
Luckily for twisted people like myself, this year's stable of SEC quarterbacks has not disappointed in terms of wretched play. Only four teams have manged to avoid a tire fire situation at quarterback (Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, and LSU), and of those four, two are breaking in new starters. Everyone else? It's all burning and going to burn for quite some time.
Let's see just how bad it's been as we take a look at the other eight teams and their quarterback stats in SEC games only. One point of order, Tennessee and Florida were kind of caught between groups, while Tyler Bray has been okay in SEC games, he hasn't been great, and ditto John Brantley. But, now that Bray is out until November-ish and Brantley, who knows, Matt Simms, Jeff Driskel, and Jacoby Brissett land them in the tire fire group.
Auburn
Barrett Trotter
36-73 (49.3%), 372 yards, 4 TD, 4 INT
Ole Miss
Zack Stoudt
22-49 (44.9%), 210 yards, 1 TD, 6 INT
Randall Mackey
15-32 (46.9%), 201 yards, 1 TD, 2 INT
Ole Miss total:
37-81 (45.7%), 411 yards, 2 TD, 8 INT
SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP THAT IS HORRIBLE
Mississippi State
Chris Relf
50-81 (61.7%), 448 yards, 1 TD, 4 INT
Very high completion percentage for him, but that comes out to 5.5 yards per pass, which is not good at all. Randall Mackey, for example, is at 6.28 yards per pass.
Tyler Russell
15-37 (40.5%), 210 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT
Mississippi State total:
65-118 (55%), 658 yards, 2 TD, 7 INT
Florida
John Brantley
33-53 (62.2%), 518 yards, 4 TD, 1 INT
Jeff Driskel
11-27 (40.7%), 89 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT
Jacoby Brissett
13-24 (54.2%), 139 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT
Florida total:
57-104 (54.8%), 746 yards, 5 TD, 5 INT
Tennessee
Tyler Bray
44-81 (54.3%), 539 yards, 3 TD, 2 INT
Matt Simms
10-26 (38.4%), 167 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT
Tennessee total:
54-107 (50.4%), 706 yards, 3 TD, 4 INT
Kentucky
Morgan Newton
26-74 (35.1%), 198 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT
2.67 yards per pass has to be some kind of record for quarterbacking failure.
Vanderbilt
Larry Smith
34-52 (65.4%), 216 yards, 0 TD, 3 INT
Like Relf, his yards per pass is not good, coming in at 4.15.
Jordan Rodgers
20-45 (44.4%), 203 yards, 0 TD, 3 INT
Vanderbilt total:
54-97 (55.7%), 419 yards, 0 TD, 6 INT
South Carolina
Stephen Garcia
36-78 (46.1%), 530 yards, 3 TD, 8 INT
Connor Shaw
47-69 (68.1%), 474 yards, 5 TD, 2 INT
South Carolina total:
83-147 (56.4%), 1,004 yards, 8 TD, 10 INT
That's 9 out of 15 quarterbacks with below a 50% completion rate, and only 3 out of 15 who have more touchdowns than interceptions. Auburn and Florida stand as the only two teams with as many touchdown passes as interceptions (I did not count Kiehl Frazier's or Clint Mosley's stats, as Frazier has only been used as a situational quarterback and Mosley has played a half of one game, but Frazier's picks would take Auburn out of this category).
And all of that above, dear readers, explains why SEC games not involving Alabama, Arkansas, LSU, or Georgia feel like rock fights. Though, the ones with Georgia, despite Aaron Murray's success, still feel like rock fights.
From The Weekend That Was
GAME RECAPS
South Carolina 14, Mississippi State 12
Thanks to some untimely car mechanics and those responsible for getting the right parts to the mechanics, I spent the hours of this game being told my car would be ready within the hour. I believe I heard that sentence five times before actually getting back my car in its repaired state. So, six hours at the car repair place? NOT GOOD TIMES AT ALL.
However, judging from the text messages I got, I was spared the unpleasantness of having to watch this alleged game of football. And I consider my six-hour shift at the car repair place a blessing, because if I had seen the intentional safety that ruined the cover after watching three and a half hours of crap, I would have wished I was trapped at a car repair place for six hours.
LSU 38, Tennessee 7
Earlier last week, Les Miles said in his press conference that LSU needed two quarterbacks to play because there are certain situations in which Jordan Jefferson makes their offense better. To that I say, WHAT SITUATIONS? The kicking game?
Jordan Jefferson in LSU's version of Enrique Davis. He stinks, has always stunk, and will continue to stink, yet will always continue to play. It doesn't make sense, nor will it ever, but in the minds of the head coaches, not playing them makes no sense.
My favorite sequence from this game was in the second quarter, as LSU took over at the Tennessee 36 after forcing a punt. After a one-yard run by Alfred Blue, the following happened:
-Jarrett Lee pass to Reuben Randle for 12 yards
-Jordan Jefferson run for 9 yards
-Jordan Jefferson run for 2 yards
-Jordan Jefferson sacked for loss of three
-Jordan Jefferson run for 2 yards
-Jarrett Lee touchdown pass to Spencer Ware for 13 yards
Successful play, followed by four plays to totally disrupt the rhythm of the offense, and one final successful play when LSU remembered, oh, right, we should probably score here. Oh, how I wish my team had enough good players and fortune to run this line of bullshit out every week and still be successful.
Alabama 52, Ole Miss 7
It jumped up a bit in the third quarter didn't it? I mean, that really got out of hand fast. Trent Richardson killed a guy. Perhaps with a trident. And though the Ole Miss defense offered little to no resistance, I'd like to remind everyone, including Alabama, that the Crimson Tide's 615 yards of total offense fell 46 yards short of the 661 passing yards the 2003 Ole Miss defense allowed to Mike Leach's Texas Tech team. SO SUCK ON THAT. No total yardage national championship for you!
One of the only good parts about Ole Miss being so bad is that it's really hard to get fully invested emotionally in games. Of course I was thrilled with how well the opening drive of the game went, even wondering if I had been asleep for 20 years and woke up in 2031 with an Ole Miss team taking it to Alabama, but I knew the good times weren't going to last. So, very rarely do I get extremely angry during these games. But, it happened twice in this game and both times involved Enrique Davis.
The first:
This one alone should be a fireable offense. Alabama takes a 17-7 lead with less than 90 seconds to play until halftime. Ole Miss responds with a great kickoff return to the Alabama 38 with 1:14 remaining. One timeout left, the crowd is alive, a momentum swing has occurred, so what play do we dial up? A RUN WITH ENRIQUE DAVIS, who had two carries total before that play. No scoring took place on that drive.
The second:
Fourth quarter, garbage time, a fourth and goal from the Alabama one, and a chance to take something positive out of an all-out ass-kicking. Who gets the ball? Our worst short-yardage back on the team, ENRIQUE DAVIS. In typical fashion, he also lost a yard, bringing his totals for the day to seven carries for minus three yards. Can't wait until he gets 10 carries next week.
Look, I don't hate Enrique Davis. I think he is a bad football player, but it's not his fault he keeps inexplicably playing. No player is ever going to tell a coach, don't play me, I'm not good enough. They all want to play. So when I'm ranting like a lunatic about Davis playing, my anger is directed at Houston Nutt. Only God knows why Houston Nutt continues to play Davis, and even He probably doesn't understand why.
Auburn 17, Florida 6
Easily one of the most awful games of the year. Just complete and total offensive incompetency. The two questions I have coming out of this game are, can Urban Meyer really recruit, and has Gus Malzahn been solved or are Auburn's quarterbacks so bad there's nothing he can do.
First, the Urban Meyer question. The majority of the guys on the field for Florida are Meyer recruits. They have no receivers, no quarterback, and no running back that can run inside. Meyer won his national championship with Ron Zook's defensive line and offensive skill players. After that, he had Tebow (his recruit) and more Zook talent, mixed with a few of his guys. Florida wasn't good last year, and they're certainly not good this year, even with John Brantley. I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe Penn State and Ohio State should tap the breaks for a second in their alleged pursuit of Meyer.
As for Malzahn, hey, that Cam Newton was pretty amazing, no? Malzahn's system, like all systems, looks much better when a Cam Newton is running the show, but even it doesn't appear to be immune from being rendered ineffective when it has no quarterback. Barrett Trotter is awful. Clint Mosley, while looking better than Trotter, only looked better than Trotter, which is the only nice thing I can think to say. And the lesson to be learned here is, even Gus Malzahn needs Trooper Taylor and his bags full of money.
Speaking of Trooper, this is just one of many reasons why everyone hates him.
Georgia 33, Vanderbilt 28
Everyone keeps mentioning how Mark Richt must have done something right with the right entity because his each of his main competitors in the SEC East has sustained at least one crushing injury. South Carolina has lost Garcia to removal from the team and Marcus Lattimore to an awful knee injury, Tennessee saw Tyler Bray and Justin Hunter go down with injuries, and Florida is missing Jeff Demps and John Brantley, who, while not an exceptional player, at least gave the Gators a chance to overcome the pile of suck in the East.
I can see how those could be considered breaks for Richt and Georgia, and they are, at least in the short term, but I consider them long-term breaks for the rest of us. Most likely, Georgia will win nine, possibly ten games this season, and if South Carolina loses once more, they move into first in the East. If that happens, Richt's employment at Georgia will continue. He'll stay there and prevent Georgia from becoming the 800-pound gorilla program it should be, which is good news for the other 11 teams in the SEC (you don't count yet, Texas A&M).
Instead of presenting a challenge to LSU and Alabama, he be running a program that can always win nine or ten games, beat no one of significance, and have his jackass defensive coordinator nearly come to blows with the head coach of a horrible Vanderbilt team.
(via)
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
Trent Richardson, Alabama
17 carries, 183 yards, 4 TDs
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Matt Simms
6-20, 128 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INT
JOHNNY VAUGHT OF THE WEEK
Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Gene Chizik
That he stopped himself from jumping off the top of the stadium both at halftime and after the game is the sole reason for giving him the nod here.
2011 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season
1. Stephen Garcia 9
2. Morgan Newton 7
2. Aaron Murray 7
4. Zack Stoudt 6
4. Barrett Trotter 6
6. Chris Relf 5
6. Larry Smith 5
8. Tyler Wilson 3
8. Tyler Russell 3
10. John Brantley 3
10. Tyler Bray 2
10. A.J. McCarron 2
10. Matt Simms 2
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK RESULTS
Week: 3-2
Season: 30-23-1 (.564)
MAN AGAINST BEAST
Peter Venkman
Week: 4-1
Season: 38-17 (.690)
Mr. Blue
Week: 3-2
Season: 32-23 (.552)
POE VERSUS LOW
Cameron Poe
Week: 5-0
Season: 46-9 (.836)
Chris Low
Week: 4-1
Season: 45-10 (.818)
KING OF THE RING
Gray 37-5
Venkman 33-9
Poe 36-6
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Auburn at LSU
Barrett Trotter? Clint Mosley? Does it matter? Will Trooper Taylor wave his towel in Mike the Tiger's face? Will Mike the Tiger eat Trooper Taylor?
Tennessee at Alabama
Can Matt Simms double his interception total of two? Can he triple it? Will Trent Richardson have another run that serves as a not-so-casual reminder that he's the best running back in the country?
South Carolina 14, Mississippi State 12
Thanks to some untimely car mechanics and those responsible for getting the right parts to the mechanics, I spent the hours of this game being told my car would be ready within the hour. I believe I heard that sentence five times before actually getting back my car in its repaired state. So, six hours at the car repair place? NOT GOOD TIMES AT ALL.
However, judging from the text messages I got, I was spared the unpleasantness of having to watch this alleged game of football. And I consider my six-hour shift at the car repair place a blessing, because if I had seen the intentional safety that ruined the cover after watching three and a half hours of crap, I would have wished I was trapped at a car repair place for six hours.
LSU 38, Tennessee 7
Earlier last week, Les Miles said in his press conference that LSU needed two quarterbacks to play because there are certain situations in which Jordan Jefferson makes their offense better. To that I say, WHAT SITUATIONS? The kicking game?
Jordan Jefferson in LSU's version of Enrique Davis. He stinks, has always stunk, and will continue to stink, yet will always continue to play. It doesn't make sense, nor will it ever, but in the minds of the head coaches, not playing them makes no sense.
My favorite sequence from this game was in the second quarter, as LSU took over at the Tennessee 36 after forcing a punt. After a one-yard run by Alfred Blue, the following happened:
-Jarrett Lee pass to Reuben Randle for 12 yards
-Jordan Jefferson run for 9 yards
-Jordan Jefferson run for 2 yards
-Jordan Jefferson sacked for loss of three
-Jordan Jefferson run for 2 yards
-Jarrett Lee touchdown pass to Spencer Ware for 13 yards
Successful play, followed by four plays to totally disrupt the rhythm of the offense, and one final successful play when LSU remembered, oh, right, we should probably score here. Oh, how I wish my team had enough good players and fortune to run this line of bullshit out every week and still be successful.
Alabama 52, Ole Miss 7
It jumped up a bit in the third quarter didn't it? I mean, that really got out of hand fast. Trent Richardson killed a guy. Perhaps with a trident. And though the Ole Miss defense offered little to no resistance, I'd like to remind everyone, including Alabama, that the Crimson Tide's 615 yards of total offense fell 46 yards short of the 661 passing yards the 2003 Ole Miss defense allowed to Mike Leach's Texas Tech team. SO SUCK ON THAT. No total yardage national championship for you!
One of the only good parts about Ole Miss being so bad is that it's really hard to get fully invested emotionally in games. Of course I was thrilled with how well the opening drive of the game went, even wondering if I had been asleep for 20 years and woke up in 2031 with an Ole Miss team taking it to Alabama, but I knew the good times weren't going to last. So, very rarely do I get extremely angry during these games. But, it happened twice in this game and both times involved Enrique Davis.
The first:
This one alone should be a fireable offense. Alabama takes a 17-7 lead with less than 90 seconds to play until halftime. Ole Miss responds with a great kickoff return to the Alabama 38 with 1:14 remaining. One timeout left, the crowd is alive, a momentum swing has occurred, so what play do we dial up? A RUN WITH ENRIQUE DAVIS, who had two carries total before that play. No scoring took place on that drive.
The second:
Fourth quarter, garbage time, a fourth and goal from the Alabama one, and a chance to take something positive out of an all-out ass-kicking. Who gets the ball? Our worst short-yardage back on the team, ENRIQUE DAVIS. In typical fashion, he also lost a yard, bringing his totals for the day to seven carries for minus three yards. Can't wait until he gets 10 carries next week.
Look, I don't hate Enrique Davis. I think he is a bad football player, but it's not his fault he keeps inexplicably playing. No player is ever going to tell a coach, don't play me, I'm not good enough. They all want to play. So when I'm ranting like a lunatic about Davis playing, my anger is directed at Houston Nutt. Only God knows why Houston Nutt continues to play Davis, and even He probably doesn't understand why.
Auburn 17, Florida 6
Easily one of the most awful games of the year. Just complete and total offensive incompetency. The two questions I have coming out of this game are, can Urban Meyer really recruit, and has Gus Malzahn been solved or are Auburn's quarterbacks so bad there's nothing he can do.
First, the Urban Meyer question. The majority of the guys on the field for Florida are Meyer recruits. They have no receivers, no quarterback, and no running back that can run inside. Meyer won his national championship with Ron Zook's defensive line and offensive skill players. After that, he had Tebow (his recruit) and more Zook talent, mixed with a few of his guys. Florida wasn't good last year, and they're certainly not good this year, even with John Brantley. I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe Penn State and Ohio State should tap the breaks for a second in their alleged pursuit of Meyer.
As for Malzahn, hey, that Cam Newton was pretty amazing, no? Malzahn's system, like all systems, looks much better when a Cam Newton is running the show, but even it doesn't appear to be immune from being rendered ineffective when it has no quarterback. Barrett Trotter is awful. Clint Mosley, while looking better than Trotter, only looked better than Trotter, which is the only nice thing I can think to say. And the lesson to be learned here is, even Gus Malzahn needs Trooper Taylor and his bags full of money.
Speaking of Trooper, this is just one of many reasons why everyone hates him.
Georgia 33, Vanderbilt 28
Everyone keeps mentioning how Mark Richt must have done something right with the right entity because his each of his main competitors in the SEC East has sustained at least one crushing injury. South Carolina has lost Garcia to removal from the team and Marcus Lattimore to an awful knee injury, Tennessee saw Tyler Bray and Justin Hunter go down with injuries, and Florida is missing Jeff Demps and John Brantley, who, while not an exceptional player, at least gave the Gators a chance to overcome the pile of suck in the East.
I can see how those could be considered breaks for Richt and Georgia, and they are, at least in the short term, but I consider them long-term breaks for the rest of us. Most likely, Georgia will win nine, possibly ten games this season, and if South Carolina loses once more, they move into first in the East. If that happens, Richt's employment at Georgia will continue. He'll stay there and prevent Georgia from becoming the 800-pound gorilla program it should be, which is good news for the other 11 teams in the SEC (you don't count yet, Texas A&M).
Instead of presenting a challenge to LSU and Alabama, he be running a program that can always win nine or ten games, beat no one of significance, and have his jackass defensive coordinator nearly come to blows with the head coach of a horrible Vanderbilt team.
(via)
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
Trent Richardson, Alabama
17 carries, 183 yards, 4 TDs
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Matt Simms
6-20, 128 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INT
JOHNNY VAUGHT OF THE WEEK
Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Gene Chizik
That he stopped himself from jumping off the top of the stadium both at halftime and after the game is the sole reason for giving him the nod here.
2011 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season
1. Stephen Garcia 9
2. Morgan Newton 7
2. Aaron Murray 7
4. Zack Stoudt 6
4. Barrett Trotter 6
6. Chris Relf 5
6. Larry Smith 5
8. Tyler Wilson 3
8. Tyler Russell 3
10. John Brantley 3
10. Tyler Bray 2
10. A.J. McCarron 2
10. Matt Simms 2
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK RESULTS
Week: 3-2
Season: 30-23-1 (.564)
MAN AGAINST BEAST
Peter Venkman
Week: 4-1
Season: 38-17 (.690)
Mr. Blue
Week: 3-2
Season: 32-23 (.552)
POE VERSUS LOW
Cameron Poe
Week: 5-0
Season: 46-9 (.836)
Chris Low
Week: 4-1
Season: 45-10 (.818)
KING OF THE RING
Gray 37-5
Venkman 33-9
Poe 36-6
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Auburn at LSU
Barrett Trotter? Clint Mosley? Does it matter? Will Trooper Taylor wave his towel in Mike the Tiger's face? Will Mike the Tiger eat Trooper Taylor?
Tennessee at Alabama
Can Matt Simms double his interception total of two? Can he triple it? Will Trent Richardson have another run that serves as a not-so-casual reminder that he's the best running back in the country?
Friday, October 14, 2011
Texas Pete Week Seven Power Poll And Picks
Carefully ranked by three voters, former Jefferson Pilot color analyst Dave Rowe, former Ole Miss (and everyone else's) defensive coordinator Joe Lee Dunn, and the SEC replay official that's gonna screw your team, this poll marks those in the SEC who spent the last week living the good life of victory, non-suspension, and blind luck or superior talent.
1. A.J. McCarron
Replay official: "You will sooner see a racetrack full of unicorns jockeyed by leprechauns than a Nick Saban quarterback throw four touchdown passes in a game again."
2. Tyler Wilson
Dave Rowe: "Wow! What an arm on this young man! Bobby Petrino has got to be (mic cuts out)"
3. Connor Shaw
Dave Rowe: (mic still out)
4. Jarrett Lee
Joe Lee Dunn: "No interceptions in how many attempts? Do they even play defense in the SEC anymore?"
5. Mark Richt
Joe Lee Dunn: "He runs a 3-4? It's a miracle they've won a game."
6. Les Miles
Dave Rowe: (Buzz Baker attempts to take over, but also experiences mic failure)
7. Nick Saban
Joe Lee Dunn: "Nick's a helluva defensive guy, but I don't buy into his philosophy of discipline. Got to have some freelancing in there."
8. Steve Spurrier
Replay official: "So has he come up with a list of who is and isn't allowed at his press conferences yet?"
9. Aaron Murray
Dave Neal: "Well, folks, we seem to be having audio problems. We'll get those corrected just as fast as we can. Meanwhile, it's 3rd and 29 for the Rebels on their own 11."
10. Jordan Jefferson
Dave Neal: "Just kidding. We're never going to get those audio problems fixed."
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK* PICKS
Using whatever lines he can find, even those sites where degenerates are able to freely gamble on prop bets in the Pro Bowl, Gray tries to beat the spread.
Season: 27-21-1 (.561)
South Carolina (-2.5) at Mississippi State
For a team that was expected to make some kind of leap by those who weren't paying attention last year, State's three victories have come over teams that are a combined 3-14 on the season. The only defenses against which State's offense has looked competent are those of the Memphis and Auburn Tigers (a round of applause for Ted Roof and fired Memphis defensive coordinator whose name I will not look up). And they needed overtime to beat a WAC team, and a quarterback change to inspire them to victory over a C-USA team that got drilled by Tulane 49-10 a few weeks before that.
I hope everyone is paying attention now. This is not a good team, nor were they last year. They made a living off beating bad teams and catching breaks against fellow average teams. And when you take two offensive linemen (one of whom was a first round pick), two starting linebackers, and the best defensive lineman away, THE RESULTING TEAM IS NOT GOING TO BE BETTER. Seriously, people, PAY ATTENTION.
As long as Connor Shaw isn't covered in the stink of Stephen Garcia poor decisions just by association, South Carolina should cover with a little room to spare. Their defense is good enough that it will continue to show everyone that Tyler Russell just isn't very good, and everyone will be reminded of how thankful we all should be that this game isn't the Thursday night ESPN game to open the season anymore. South Carolina to cover.
LSU (-16.5) at Tennessee
Tennessee can't run the ball, lost the one player that gave them a chance to move the ball, and is now lead by Phil Simms' son that is not named Chris. GOOD TIMES. This has pretty much been the perfect storm of a season for LSU's offense. Their defense and special teams have been so good in generating turnovers and creating outstanding field position, that their offense can operate on a junior high level. Power run, power run, power run, power run, throw it up, power run, power run, power run.
And that offense has size, power, and speed at all the right places, led by a quarterback who has learned to stop self-destructing. They haven't had to get creative or needed a drive to stay in or win the game, all of which put pressure on a pair of shaky quarterbacks, an offense not known for its ability put together a long series of successful plays, and a head coach who can generously be described as OH HEY LOOK A SHINY TIN CAN LET'S TAKE A LOOK. Not that any of this will change until the Alabama game, and nor should LSU try to change the formula, but I thought I'd point it out because there's nothing to talk about concerning this game. LSU to cover.
Alabama (-26) at Ole Miss
In full disclosure, I was leaning heavily in the direction of taking Ole Miss and the 26 points as late as yesterday. If my math is correct, and it probably isn't, Houston Nutt, dating back to his time at Arkansas, is 12-3 against the spread when his team is a double-digit underdog. Of course, I do not know if any of those teams lost their starting center, left guard, and one-time starting running back two days before any of those games. I'm gonna go ahead and say no. But, credit those suspensions for snapping me back into whatever form of reality in which I live. Pass me something flammable and let's burn the rest of this season to the ground. Alabama to cover.
Florida (-2) at Auburn
Ted Roof versus an offense with no quarterback. IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION? STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEAD.
If you're in need of dozens upon dozens and dozens of rushing attempts to get your fix, I believe we may have found the game for you. As long as Florida isn't starting John Brantley, it doesn't matter who they start because he's not good. Barrett Trotter is experiencing the standard Chris Todd slide back to the mean after a few good showings against lesser competition. When combined, you have two offensive coordinators who are going to do everything in their power to not let any of the quarterbacks screw this thing up.
Based on Auburn's offense being well ahead of Florida's, and Ted Roof with a rare winnable matchup, I'll take Auburn and the points.
Georgia (-11) at Vanderbilt
Seriously, Steve Spurrier and Connor Shaw, if you screw this up and make us watch Georgia get slaughtered like an Old Testament goat in the SEC Championship game, I will send one, maybe two, VERY sarcastic Tweets your way. You think about that could mean in the long run. Georgia to cover.
*You will NOT double your paycheck.
MAN AGAINST BEAST
Peter Venkman
Season: 34-16 (.680)
South Carolina at Mississippi State
South Carolina. Ok, so Stephen Garcia is finally gone. But what does this really mean for the good folks of Columbia? Hide your daughters! Hide your wife! Garcia is primed to become that pathetic ex-footballer whose weekend starts on Wednesday night. (Not to be confused with an ex-Ghostbuster whose weekend starts on Wednesday. This is perfectly acceptable.)
LSU at Tennessee
LSU. Last week, Derek Dooley’s mother, Barbara, called in to an Athens radio show and said the following in defense of poor Derek: “Let me say this: Derek Dooley walked into a...kind of a mess. Florida, (Will Muschamp) walks in there with talent oozing out his ears. Jimbo Fisher walks into FSU with talent, and now you’re telling me that Derek Dooley is on a damn hot seat? Are you crazy? You know he played 17 freshmen against Florida? I just want to you to be nice and fair and know that you’ve probably got the greatest coach in the country and he’s gonna be there 25 years.”
In a related note, my mother and I had lunch yesterday during which we had a spirited conversation as to what is and is not an appropriate baby gift to give to my friends who are now having children. Oh, Mom, if you wanted me to chase our salads with Liquid Drano you could have just said so.
Not sure where I was going with that. I thought we were in the Trust Tree, in the Nest...are we not?
Alabama at Ole Miss
Bama. 42-0. I went to Gainesville two weeks ago, and last week I was able to watch the Vandy game from a friend’s skybox. I’m gonna be honest, it’s nice at the top. Drinks are sweeter, game dogs are tastier, my jokes are funnier, and I’m damn sure girls are prettier. Depart from me Oxford, for I never knew ye.
Florida at Auburn
Florida. I still need B. Trotts to make a late push for the Jevan Snead Award.
Georgia at Vanderbilt
UGA.
Mr. Blue
Season: 29-21 (.580)
Mississippi State
LSU
Alabama
Auburn
Vandy
POE VERSUS LOW
Cameron Poe
Season: 41-9 (.820)
South Carolina
LSU
Alabama
Auburn
Georgia
Chris Low
Season: 41-9 (.820)
Alabama
Georgia
LSU
Mississippi State
Auburn
KING OF THE RING
C-USA Edition
Gray 32-5
Venkman 29-8
Poe 32-5
Rice at Marshall
Gray: Marshall
Venkman: Marshall
Poe: Marshall
UCF at SMU
Gray: SMU
Venkman: SMU
Poe: SMU
UTEP at Tulane
Gray: UTEP. Don't let me down, Pappy Price. And stay out of the French Quarter pre-game.
Venkman: Tulane
Poe: Tulane
East Carolina at Memphis
Gray: East Carolina. If you and nine of your friends took over coaching duties at Memphis for the rest of the season, could you win as many or one more game than Larry Porter and his crew?
Venkman: East Carolina
Poe: East Carolina
UAB at Tulsa
Gray: Tulsa
Venkman: Tulsa
Poe: Tulsa
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