In today's Clarion-Ledger, there is an article about changes to recruiting rules for the elaborate junior college system in Mississippi. One of the poorest states in the nation, Mississippi is home to 15 junior colleges (as well as EIGHT public universities; no, it's not you, this makes no sense), 14 of which also have football programs in what is considered one of the best, if not the best, junior college football leagues in the country.
As a result, many a good player has come from one of these Mississippi JUCOS, making it a regular recruiting destination for D-I schools. However, that may change with a set of new rules recently passed by the presidents of the JUCOS. Not to wade neck-deep in rules no one cares about until one of your school's recruits can't get into your school, but essentially, it's going to be harder for out-of-state players to get into Mississippi JUCOS and protected areas, which allowed only one JUCO to recruit in that area, are now gone.
Some JUCO coaches are upset because the "community" aspect for each school is in danger of going away, and the costs of recruiting will most likely go up. Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen expressed concern over the loss of so many out-of-state scholarships (106 in total each year), and Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt, as usual, was concerned about the kids he so badly wants to help.
Mainly, he doesn't want a high school kid being flooded with extra calls, now that more JUCOS can recruit him with the end of protected areas. How I wish my brain rattled off something like this:
"Now that same young man is going to have to take 16, 17, 25, 30 calls from junior colleges plus Division I," Nutt said. "That part is a real headache."
That list of numbers moved in increments of one, eight, and five. Had he kept going, I feel confident he would have inadvertently begun the Fibonacci sequence. That kind of scatter-brain might cause one to play a running back at a safety/linebacker hybrid position five games into a season, with that player not having played defense since maybe high school, and has never shown the type of lateral movement and quickness needed to play such a position.
Les Miles set out to build a roaring campfire. Unfortunately, after his bundle of dry wood coated in napalm kicked someone in the head, it was taken from him by the park rangers. Stuck with a stack of wet wood for which there is seemingly no use, Coach Miles conjures his voodoo-ish powers and behold, the stack of wet wood manages to produce an excellent campfire.
Warm and providing excellent light, as well as mood for storytelling, Miles' campfire is one of the best in the entire park. In fact, people from other campsites stop by just to admire what a great creation this is, especially when told how the success of the fire was in great doubt in the beginning. This pleases Miles tremendously.
As the fire continues to burn brightly, the park ranger returns, carrying the bundle of napalm-coated dry wood with him. He tells Miles that the bundle of wood may have kicked someone in the head, but the evidence isn't overwhelming, and Miles is now free to use the wood.
Everyone around him suggests that he only use the napalm wood if something happens to the fire. Miles agrees in the beginning, but soon decides he's going to dump it all in the fire. In the hands of any other coach, such an action would result in this:
But because he is Les Miles, it will result in this:
The lesson is, expect Jordan Jefferson to win the SEC Championship Game MVP.
On Monday, South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier announced that backup quarterback Connor Shaw would be starting Saturday's game against Kentucky.
"This is his game. It's his opportunity to go play and we think he's ready," Spurrier said. "We're going to find out Saturday."
Spurrier even went as far as saying that unless Shaw got hurt, he would not play Stephen Garcia. Obviously, this is a sad time in all of our lives, as this very well could mark the end of our experience of watching Garcia torment Spurrier with inaccurate throws, questionable decisions, horrible decisions, and visor and playsheet-throwing decisions. At least, that's what Spurrier wants us to believe.
But we all know there's not a chance in hell this is the end of Stephen Garcia at South Carolina. If Spurrier believed in Connor Shaw even half a percent, Garcia never gets the chance to come back after his pre-partying for the team life skills seminar incident. Spurrier, to steal a line from that buddy comedy about two cowboys in Wyoming, can't quit Garcia. In fact, we all know how this is gonna go down:
When Florida true freshman quarterback Jeff Driskel enrolled in school in January of this year, the plan was to serve as John Brantley's backup for one season, occasionally making a few garbage time appearances, then have a shot to become the starter in 2012. He was anointed the backup because, while talented, he was the only other quarterback on the roster who fit the pro-style quarterback mold offensive coordinator Charlie Weis wanted.
That plan collapsed on Saturday night when Brantley was injured late in the second quarter. Instead of cheering and enjoying the show, Driskel was called into duty against one of the best and most violent defenses in college football. Here are the events of that night as they unfolded in his mind.
"Oh, hey, wow! It worked! Great throw, John! This is exactly the kind of start we needed."
"Way to go, Andre! Man, this is so much fun! We might actually win this thing!"
"Wow, Coach Muschamp is INTENSE. By my count, I think he has seven jugular veins."
"Uh oh. This isn't good. Get up, John. Please get up. Please, please, please please."
"Shit."
At halftime, Brantley is ruled out for the rest of the game. Driskel takes over as the quarterback in the third quarter.
"Okay, here we go. Be cool, be cool. Just like any other play in practice. Make your reads. Get the ball out."
"Oh boy. They're already here. That was astonishingly fast. Did we even block on this play? Am I even running the right play? Why can I see nothing but white jerseys? AM I ALL ALONE OUT HERE?"
"Oh, hey, wow, look at me go! I'm so free! Haha! This is actually kind of fun! WHO CAN CATCH ME NOW?"
"Oh, hell. They caught up fast. So this is how it all ends? My broken ribs piercing every major internal organ. I hope I remembered to tell everyone I loved them."
"The white light. It's so, so bright. And warm. Take me with you, white light."
"Hey, I'm alive! Great news! Your restrained abuse is greatly appreciated, sirs. I consider it a privilege to have gotten to know all of you so intimately. Now, who has a kidney they don't need anymore?"
Arkansas 42, Texas A&M 38
At the rate he's coughing up games, I hope Mike Sherman is around for Texas A&M's first year in the SEC. Again, not because I like Sherman, but because I like watching him butcher coaching decisions and, eventually, entire games.
Observe: Leading 35-20 in the third quarter, A&M faces a fourth and two from the Arkansas 39. A&M at this point is averaging about 52 yards a carry (by my admittedly rough estimation). What do they do? They do the "try to draw the defense offsides" trick, take a delay of game, and finally punt the ball 19 yards. And in the beginning of the fourth quarter, leading 35-27, the Aggies face a fourth and one from essentially midfield. Don't even think about going for it and punt. Both times, Arkansas took the ball straight down the field and scored. YOUR CONFIDENCE IS CONTAGIOUS, MIKE.
I have to watch Houston Nutt and David Lee run an offense for seven more games, and even I feel sorry for people at the mercy of Mike Sherman decision-making. I mentioned this on Twitter, but no one will judge you, Texas A&M fans, if you begin drinking bleach before and during your games.
Georgia 24, Mississippi State 10
Even though it was not an officially sanctioned Jefferson Pilot game, this game met all the qualifications:
If Mark Richt and Mike Sherman ever have to face one another, it will be classified in your TV guide as a comedy. A TRAGIC COMEDY. I cannot fathom having the patience to watch both of those guys coach 12 full games, considering the talent they have at their disposal. It's like injecting yourself with black tar AGONY each week for three months.
And let's go ahead and press the break pedal down on Dan Mullen getting his choice of jobs next year. The only damage State inflicted on this mediocre Georgia team was to the hedges surrounding the field:
Let's hope Nickoe Whitley's urine contains no Spike 80DF.
LSU 35, Kentucky 7
You go straight to hell, Kentucky. You and your backdoor cover. I hate all of you. Also, Ole Miss fans, if you're wondering how our game against LSU is going to go, watch this game again.
Tennessee 41, Buffalo 10
A rough weekend for the city of Buffalo. A team no one in the city knows about gets smashed at Tennessee, and the Bills, led by former Harvard quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick (copyright: All of the sportswriters and TV people), lose to the Bengals. And I'm sure next week, it'll be 25-degrees and snowing.
Auburn 16, South Carolina 13
Auburn's best offensive player gets 41 carries. South Carolina's best offensive player gets 17 carries.
That's 20 fewer carries than Marcus Lattimore got against Navy when nothing else was on offense was working for South Carolina. Why Spurrier chose to preserve Lattimore here against one of the West teams South Carolina should beat, especially at home, again:
What has to be killing Spurrier is that he knows if gets average out of Stephen Garcia, he goes back to Atlanta. He's got a defense that can get him there, but a quarterback that could help send Florida or Tennessee to Atlanta. If only Ted Roof could coach a defense against Stephen Garcia every week. He'd be considered a defensive genius.
Alabama 38, Florida 10
Though I have an eternal flame of hate reserved for Alabama, I get a confusing amount of joy from watching this defense play. They're big, fast, strong, and know what the hell they're supposed to be doing. And I suppose that anyone who truly enjoys sports has to get some degree of pleasure out of seeing incredibly gifted athletes play at such a high level of effectiveness.
/remembers we play them in two weeks
/sets world record for distance in projectile vomiting
It's never a good sign when your backup quarterback is your leading rusher with 16 yards, but it is a good sign of quality entertainment whenever Coach Boom got some face time and dropped every variation ever created of f-bombs. And if one could be found guilty of murdering someone with their eyes, Muschamp would currently be serving 438 consecutive life sentences.
Ole Miss 38, Fresno State 28
For the guys who continued to play hard when their coaches gave them no reason to, I am happy for them that they finally get to celebrate a win. Yes, Fresno State stinks, but getting a brief rest from the river of shit they've been swimming in is well-deserved. They've got seven more games and only two of which (Kentucky and Louisiana Tech) they have a real chance of winning, so here's to hoping they enjoy it.
And hey, it only took an entire spring, summer, fall practice, and five games, but I think Houston Nutt finally decided on a quarterback. Now everything is all downhill from here. But even more exciting that that, Enrique Davis, who has missed three games and isn't good, made an appearance with nine and half minutes to go, and Ole Miss was losing by one. He got in two plays, then didn't play again.
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Stephen Garcia, South Carolina
9-23, 160 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs
JOHNNY VAUGHT OF THE WEEK Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Nick Saban
Though we knew his team was the superior team going into the game, he missed not a beat after Florida's fast start, settling his team in and proceeding to pound the hell out of the Gators.
2011 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season
1. Stephen Garcia 9
2. Morgan Newton 6
2. Zack Stoudt 6
2. Aaron Murray 6
5. Barrett Trotter 5
5. Chris Relf 5
7. Larry Smith 3
7. Tyler Wilson 3
7. John Brantley 3
10. A.J. McCarron 2
10. Tyler Bray 2
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK RESULTS
Week: 4-3
Season: 22-20-1 (.523)
MAN AGAINST BEAST Peter Venkman
Week: 4-3
Season: 33-21 (.733)
Mr. Blue
Week: 5-2
Season: 27-17 (.613)
POE VERSUS LOW Cameron Poe
Week: 5-2
Season: 36-8 (.818)
Chris Low
Week: 4-3
Season: 35-9 (.795)
KING OF THE RING
Gray 27-5
Venkman 24-8
Poe 27-5
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Florida at LSU
Will Jeff Driskel lead Florida in rushing again? Will Coach Boom choke the air out of everyone within three feet of him? Will the Honey Badger smear Driskel into the grass, pick up the pieces, plus the ball, and walk into the end zone?
Georgia at Tennessee
Who will be the team to put pressure on South Carolina? Will defensive backs finally catch passes from Tyler Bray that should be intercepted? How many fourth and ones will Mark Richt NOT go for?
